How do I handle it when dad tells me "I hope you go off the side of the road and die"?

If he has dementia, try to put it in perspective. He may not even know what he is saying, or really be talking to you in his mind. If he doesn't and wasn't always abusive, then what he probably means is, "I hate feeling helpless, sick, and not in control, and you are doing things for me that I should do for myself and can't and I am angry." My mom used to say hateful things all the time, but she was becoming ever-more lost in dementia. You have to keep in mind that you know that he didn't mean that literally. He is expressing anger and frustration. Hang in there.

How shocking and painful it must be to hear that!

Knowing nothing about you and your dad, I'm going to hope he really wanted to say, "I hate being old and helpless. I hate having to depend on you I hate having you see me this way. I'm so unhappy."

He might also think, "If you really loved me, you would make me all better." Of course you can't make him all better, but he wishes you could use magic, and if you really loved him you would find a way. Not logical, but understandable.

He didn't use those words, but maybe that's what he meant. He is very unhappy, and he trusts you not to leave him. My father called me the C word more than once. But it wasn't that bad, because I knew he loved me, and he would thank me later for taking care of him.

I wish you strength, courage and compassion to get through this.

i just stayed with my mother right to the unnerving end of dementia. what kept me fairly calm was trying to approach the emotional caregiving task with the demeanor i would imagine a night watchman at a looney ward having. hes not going to cure anyone, no need to argue with a bunch of nuts just keep them safe from hurting anyone / thing . my mom would say some pretty far out things but i learned to go on with the next subject and discount the jibberish / delusions..

Yikes! That sounds like something a four-year-old might say in a fit of temper. ("I hate you Mommy! I hope the boogey man gets you!")

So the question is, is there any explanation of why Dad would be acting like a four-year-old? For example, does he have dementia? Mental illness? Did his wife recently die?

If you can supply some details about your Dad's impairments (why you are his caregiver) that may prompt some specific responses.

Or has Dad always behaved like this? How long have you been his caregiver? Do you live together? His house or yours?