I live in Williamsburg, VA but have been living in TN caring for my father since early April when my mother passed away. I am an only child and the responsibility for Daddy's care is mine alone; we have no other family aside from a distant cousin on my father's side. Daddy is only 75 but suffers from dementia, stage 4 COPD, stage 4 congestive heart failure and is an alcoholic. Thankfully, he is a very mellow drunk... but he is still hopelessly addicted.
My problem is that he refuses to move to Virginia (where my husband and son reside and where my HOME is). I have been living here in TN caring for him for four months now without a single break. He is convinced that he can care for himself and doesn't need me here. However, all of his docs have confirmed that he requires care 24/7and must not be left alone. He is becoming combative and blames me for what the doctors are telling him. For example: he has had three strokes in the last two years and had a TIA one week ago. His primary care physician has told him repeatedly that he must stop driving (he gets lost in his own neighborhood!). Finally, his doctor wrote the DMV requesting that his license be revoked. The letter arrived in today's mail and resulted in Daddy yelling at me and insisting that he will continue to drive, even without a license. I have disconnected the car battery but it is only a matter of time before he figures that out and sneaks off to drive to the liquor store. Same thing with the drinking. After he had two bouts of internal bleeding due to excessive alcohol ingestion (6 pints of blood in 24 hours last time this happened) the docs instructed me to dump all the bourbon and told Daddy he could never drink again. That went over like a lead balloon. He says they "don't know what they are talking about" and that a few cocktails never hurt anyone. He has periods of lucidity but is increasingly detached and demented.
In addition to refusing to relocate to VA so I can care for him he refuses to consider assisted living or a nursing home. Again, insisting that he can "take care of himself." This is a man who cannot cook, cannot clean, cannot manage his medication, heck- he cannot walk more than 12 steps without assistance and has fallen multiple times in the last year (fracturing his back in November!) I am at my wit's end. I don't know what to do... if I leave he will most certainly die from either a medication error or internal bleed due to drinking. If I go to court and have him forced into a nursing home he will hate me forever. Do you have any advice? Thanks so much in advance.