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My father has been living in an assisted living senior center for a year now. We have been funding it with cash that he had in his room (he does not trust the bank). Unfortunately, that is running out. We’ve discovered that he has a pension and social security deposited monthly to his bank that is sufficient enough to cover his expenses. He refuses to write and sign checks to the facility. I really cannot afford to have him come live with me (in fact, he has more money than I do), and I cannot give him 24-hour care that he needs.

I looked into guardianship, but what is considered incompetent?

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My friend has father in AL, (though he is bedridden: Emeritus don't get me started on that company). If she did not give a certain amount of notice he was leaving she'd have to pay a cost 1 month or 2 penalty.
If your father is not declared incompetant, do not try for guardianship.He needs a neuro/psych eval done. This is an extensive 2-3 evaluation done by experts.
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I think 2 of the main things Elders have trouble giving up is their car/driving and managing their money. These are the things which mean independance to them as well as something they have always done. By setting the boundary with him you can not move him to your home, he has little choice. Once he realizes if he does not pay he has to move should help when you sit him down with the ALF rep about finances. I certainly hope you have POA. Tell him he cannot live there for free!
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Rar - sounds like your dad will not ever easily see a sensible solution. Until he is declared incompetent, he can do whatever to make this difficult.

But you can & should do things to safeguard yourself. I would suggest that you send a fax (faxes are legal and you have documentation you sent it if you get a transmission report) to the NH that clearly states that although you are his daughter that you cannot and will not provide for housing for dad should he leave the NH AMA (against medical advice). Include in the letter that you provided for his caregiving (put the period of time in too) and that you unfortunately cannot provide the level of care that he needs. I would also say that you personally consider the care he is currently getting as a wonderful blessing for dad (just to be all warm & fuzzy in your letter and let NH know you appreciate what they do). I would also attach a copy of dad SS and retirement statements and include in the fax that dad has the assets to be able to pay for his care and that as such you are not financially responsible for his stay. Keep the letter to 1 page and then 1 page for each income he receives.

What dad is doing the NH is used to dealing with all the time. But it is important for them to know what your position is in all this as who knows what nonsense dad has said about what his family will do for him or what his family "owes" him.

You need to stop paying for dad. Believe me the NH will make dad sign off on an agreement to pay or they will give him a 30 day notice and will have him sign off on his receipt of it. If he persists, then likely they will contact you regarding having a quick competency review; which he will fail at and there will be a report that he is a danger to himself if he were to leave; and then afterwards will file for him to be an "emergency ward of the state". Judges do this approval routinely and a temporary guardian will be done (the courthouse has a list of them at the ready) and then all of dad's income will be under the state's control. None of this is permanent but takes the argument out of dad's control & to the state. If you don't have any issues with letting the state be in control, this in many ways is best. Your doing a full guardianship route will cost you thousands to do and dad will fight it. Plus there is all that emotion between you two. Now the state may move dad from this ALF to a NH but that is within their purview to do as guardian. The temporary guardian will contact you and you want to be part of their team. If they know that you understand their legal role , they will include you in their decisions.

But you have to do what is best for your sanity and security first & foremost.
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Hi pstegman,

Thank you for your answer, and I will definitely inquire. Can I ask another question, just to be ready when I do inquire at the ALF. But what if he claims that he wants to be evicted, so that he can live with me, will he still be considered incompetent? (Please note that he did not even give me any money from when he was living with me a year before. We were able to put him in this ALF after he had a fall while I was at work, and we just had him transported to the ALF after he was released from the hospital).

I am worn out, as I am the only one visiting and caring for him. He is very stubborn.
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Work with the staff at the ALF, see if you can get him to consent to automatic withdrawal. If he stubbornly will not pay, and does not understand that they will evict him, he is incompetent, and needs Guardianship. Talk with the ALF about your options. The can arrange for competency testing.
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