Diagnosis: My mom has a brain tumor. She is ambulatory but cannot be left home unsupervised because of risk seizures, falls, etc.
Mom's Situation: My parents still live in my childhood home, and both are retired and do not work. They have no family or close friends where they live, and I have no siblings willing to help them. Although they live on fixed income, they have a comfortable nest egg.
My Situation: Age 26, live 500 miles away from my parents, working at my first real job after graduating college. I had to leave home because my parents' area is economically depressed, and I was unable to find work there after trying for a year after graduation.
I have been trying to split my time between my job and my parents, but I am running out of FMLA leave, and the situation seems to be getting worse, not better, especially because my father is older and starting to have his own medical issues. My father demands that I quit my job and move back in with them.
I suggested home care and even had a nursing agency come to our house. Although they were very pleasant, my father refuses to hire any home care aides. He says it's because my mom won't let them take care of her, but she says that's not true. I know the real reason is because he doesn't want to pay $18/hour even for a few hours a day.
I offered that they move in with me where I live and work, so I could keep my job and still help them. My mom is ready to move tomorrow, but my father refuses to go. He has no real reason to stay because he has no job, friends, or family where they live. The way I see it, he is just "comfortable" and doesn't want to leave his comfort zone.
I don't want my mom to go to a nursing home unless it becomes absolutely necessary because it is too depressing and she is too young for that environment (all the residents are usually 75+). I would be willing to have her move in with me without my father, but that has issues too. I'm not sure she can stay home alone, and if something happens to her when I'm not there, I'm concerned I could be criminally liable for elder neglect or something like that. Hiring a home care aide 10+ hours/5 days a week would be outrageously expensive.
I have no idea what to do. I am depressed, feeling guilty, physically ill, and despondent. Even though my parents had me late in their lives, I never expected to have to deal with this situation so young and early in my career. I love my mom a lot, so I can't just abandon her. My father is a control freak and has tried to dictate the course of my entire life, and now he is using my sick mom against me to try to get me to do what he wants.