My father has dementia. My mother has been dead for 25 years. Lately he will suddenly start asking for her demanding to know where she is and when she will be back. No specific time or frequency just randomly it might happen today and not again for weeks or it could happen again tomorrow. Please don't think I'm trying to be cruel but I'm at my wits end. My mother did not have friends she was very much a loner and did not work or travel so telling him she's visiting someone is instantly seen as a lie. If I say I don't know where she is or when she will return he wants me to help search. If I tell him she is out doing errands he doesn't let go of it and when she doesn't show up in a few hours we're back to the searching again or if its very late he doesn't believe. If I tell him the truth that she's dead he calls me a liar and accuses me of hiding her and says God is going to punish me severely for saying that. I'm recovering from injuries from a car accident and he says my pain is God punishing me he will make me a cripple and worse for saying she's dead. Saying she's in heaven is not a comfort and offering to prove I'm not lying just gets more ugly talk and accusations. Please believe me I'm not trying to hurt him and I'm so so sorry if it makes him relive pain of her passing but I don't know what to say nothing works. I've tried but I can't distract him with TV or change of subject. He won't let go and just goes on about how cruel I am and accusing me of hiding her. Full disclosure I did not have a happy relationship with my mother she was a very cold person and was ashamed of me because I was emotional so that makes this even harder on me. And my father has always had a tendency to see their marriage through rose colored glasses. Does anyone have any suggestions to help when this happens? Thanks in advance. Jean
it is heart braking I know. My mother has the same symptoms and I normally calm
her down by using humor and telling her the truth. It takes patience and perseverance but so far it works. Since I work with children with different types of challenges and qualities like autism. I have taken a lot of courses to make them calm down and find a way to divert the focus of their attention. Reassurance and t keep yourself calm and funny usually works. Take time for yourself to wind down and take 5 minutes to breath when things don’t work. I wish you good luck 🍀