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So, though I've moved Daddy to a full AL facility, his stubborness (is that a word?) is driving me BANANAS!!!

Of course, I moved him there for his safety and my peace of mind, but he REFUSES to acknowledge that he needs help. He refuses to pull the call bell because he doesn't want to "bother" the nurses! I've tried to explain to him that the staff is happy to help him, and they have also told him the same. Instead he will just "go without" which is really starting to bother me.

For example, Carolina summers are BRUTAL, and because he can't see well enough to work the A/C unit in his room, he will sit in sweltering heat which negatively impacts his breathing (not to mention risk of heat stroke). The rare times the staff does convince him to allow them to turn on the A/C, he gets cold and will play around with the electrical cord until he can get it unplugged (not a good idea for an elderly legally blind man to crawl around on a wood floor to unplug an appliance) instead of simply asking a staff member to turn off the unit. He'd rather sweat than ask for help.

Today, I receive a phone call from him while at work. His mobility scooter had "stopped" again. Translation: he's trying to activate it too quickly and it's not responding fast enough. Instead of calling the staff to help him, he called me (what can I do from work 45 minutes away?) and ended up missing lunch. I suggested he ask the staff to bring him something.. again a NO.

The list goes on... he insists on trying to shave himself, but can't see that the plastic cap is still on the razor, then he throws a tantrum about a dull razor. He won't let the staff help him shave. I've since refused to help him (with hopes of subtly forcing him to ask the staff), but when he starts resembling a homeless man, I will break down and do it for him.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can get Dad to use the silly call bell? We're paying the big bucks for the service. He might as well use it.

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Is dad in a regular AL or Memory Care AL?
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Looking like a homeless man isn't life threatening. Why not just leave him alone on that one issue?

Can he actually shave himself fairly well? What if you took the plastic cover off and left it off? And an aide or you clean the shaver in the afternoon, without bringing it to his attention.

Eating lunch and having his mobility scooter work seem more worthy of a battle than shaving. If he gets tired of what he looks like, perhaps he will accept help.
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Thanks, you could check out your local second hand stores, perhaps get a good deal.
Let us know what happens. :^) M 88
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M88...how genius! I'm going to try the room divider just to push the air upward instead of outward.
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How about a partition type room divider, that would be placed in front of the AC but still cool room down?
Will they allow a ceiling fan?

M88
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Mulata88, The AL staff really tries to adhere to residents' wishes as long as it doesn't endanger them, so if Dad goes nuts over a shave, they will just let it go. As for the A/C, they try to encourage him to turn it on, but he refuses and they concede to using the corner fan which only circulates the humid air... not ideal for someone with COPD.

However, I am looking for a way to deflect the A/C (the AL has the units like hotel rooms) do that it doesn't blow directly ON Daddy with hopes of getting the room to a comfortable temperature without "freezing" him as he so eloquently puts it.
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Oh TinyBlu, I feel for you.........I have mom at home. 91 yrs. old. She refuses a lot of help, but is able to do a lot for herself *still*.

I have no idea what Assisted Living consists of. I mean, do you have to tell staff to "drop by?" Is there a list of things that AL will do for the MONEY you are paying?

I understand you say he runs them off....................aren't they trained to accomplish the task at hand? And not run off?

I don't know, please educate me, anyone. I will also do some research for my own information.

My therapist yesterday said that there WILL come a TIME when I am GOING to have to need HELP, more that what I can do.............gulp...........

It must have been an ordeal to get your dad to be THERE, at AL..........
And now, he is blocking help all the way..............I feel for you, honestly.

You'll get some pointers from the pro's here. (And I will benefit as well as other readers). I can "relate" to a brutal summer, central california, we have been over 100°F for about 2 weeks, with a cooling trend of 90°F at night............and mom does NOT like the A-C on. But we reversed the vent, and it now blows against the curtain, instead on blowing directly on her bed. Yeah, we keep thermostat at 80°F, ceiling fans, desk fans, whatever fans moving the cold air about the house, but NOT HITTING HER.............UUUFFF, she does NOT like it.

ANYWAYYYYYYY!!! THere have to be solutions, to me, the hugest problem was to get Dad from "A", to "B"...................that is amazing. Now, to convince him that "B" is BEST!!!!!!!

M 8 8
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Correction to above "bathroom not "bad room." lol
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I used to be so frustrated that my cousin wouldn't ring the bell for help after she used the bad room, because she needed help clearing herself.(There is a chain right by the toilet.) I put up big bright signs that read PULL TO RING FOR HELP. She would promise me that she would, but she just didn't have the ability to read the sign. She would sit and either not call or leave not clean. It was not in her realm of capability. I had to accept it. Soon thereafter she went to diapers. The brain is not allowing them to do certain things. No convincing or begging will help if that part is no longer their.

All of the things that he seems to be intentionally difficult about are just things that he is not able to work out logically. I had to adjust that my cousin was no longer able to turn on her air, work her remote, use the bathroom, dress herself, etc. It's very sad, but it may continue. He may need more and more assistance, if he says he doesn't.

I would meet with the staff and see how they perceive his abilities. I agree that trying to negotiate the shaving might be futile. I might have the staff assess what he is actually now doing and have them start the shaving as a matter of need. His assessment of what he is able to do may not be accurate and reliable any longer.
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CWillie... Thanks for this. I have tried to have the staff to "drop by" around shaving time to see if they can help him, he runs them off.

When they do turn on the A/C, they put it on 80 and Auto, but as soon as Dad hears the unit come on, he immediately says he's too cold. He won't wear layers, and he is terrified of electric blankets.

He's getting in his own way,,,,
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It might be better to have a meeting with AL to discuss these issues. Perhaps for some things it would be better to just bypass the call bell and pre arrange for services like shaving and wellness checks to make sure his a/c is turned on when it is sweltering. And A/C shouldn't have to be all or nothing, if he finds the air too cold it could be because the temperature is set too low, it only needs to run periodically to his personal preference, not turn his room into an ice box.
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Dad may not be able to figure out how to use the call bell. That's pretty common in dementia. He may need more care, more support, and less freedom (to control the A/C, to shave himself, etc) than AL can provide.

I'm so sorry that you're going through this, Tiny. I remember how frustrating it was for us.
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