Follow
Share

My dad is refusing to consider my mother's health and her desire to have the car in the garage. He is behaving very selfishly and only cares about having access to 'thing he might need'. I know it is hoarding, and hoped appealing to safety would help - it did not. Can I call the fire department and ask about concerns for fire hazards? He yells at anyone who challenges him - possible early dementia...

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Hi Sandra,
StandingAlone gave you some great advice. I'd at least try that approach. Giving your dad choices is important. His attitude could be the start of dementia, or it could be just that elders often get tired of being told what to do. But since he challenges all authority, dementia may be an issue.

For your current problem, if he refuses the alternate approach of his very own storage shed to the car can be in the garage, then maybe you should chat with the fire department. If they have a reason, they could be able to help by investigating and telling him he needs to move his stuff (to a shed?).
Good luck. I'm sorry to say that you've only just begun, so please keep coming back.
Carol
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Compromise with him. Get a nice, big storage shed and move the stuff in there, or at least some of it. Let your dad decide how to organize it so he knows where everything is. The stuff will still be his, the garage can be used for the car. Do your parents have room for a shed in their yard? It seems like an ideal solution..unless your dad takes exception to walking a few feet to get to it...
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

sandramom, he gets very angry. So? What is worse, putting up with his anger, or worrying about him scraping snow off the car and mom falling on the ice? I know that we all want to keep peace with our parents, and we all want what is best for them, but sometimes those two goals might be mutually exclusive -- at least temporarily.

It seems to me you need to do what you can to reduce the physical risks to them both, even if it makes dad angry. I might feel a little differently about it if your mom's safety wasn't at risk. Dad's decisions effect her, too, and her advocate is you.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

You need to protect your Mom at this point, and your Dad will have the side benefit of not going outside in the snow and losing his breath. Time to ignore his protests and JUST DO IT!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. Unfortunately, it seems that elderly men can be harder to deal with than women as they are so set in their ways. Since it's a two car garage, I suggest you and your siblings all meet with your dad and politely inform him of how worried you all are about a possible accident waiting to happen to both him and especially your mom. Reassure him you're not trying to make him mad and that you all totally understand he doesn't want his "stuff" moved out of the garage but that it has to be moved to one side of the garage and you're willing to do it or help him with it so the car can be more accessible. Maybe all of you can even buy some shelving or work space to help with this. He can have one bay in the garage for his "stuff" and the other bay will be for their car. That way both sides win. I think once he figures out he's not "losing" the battle and access to his stuff, he "might" be more agreeable. Plus, he'll probably like it even more once he gets into the car in the garage a couple of times in the winter and finds out it's not as freezing cold as it would be if it were outside. And if he does get mad - he'll just have to get over it because you need to do what is best for your mom and HIM. He may be getting Dementia - but just being a hard-head isn't enough to know. Just know that trying to take care of elderly parents is hard for both parties (the parent and the child) for LOTS of reasons and we all sympathize for you. Good luck!!!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Thanks for the responses. Unfortunately, he does not want to move his things any where - he sees nothing wrong with the current situation. He has COPD and cold weather makes it worse, so scraping the car leaves him short of breath. My mother has mobility issues and I am waiting for her to slip on icy pavement (the garage is attached to the house, so if the car was in the garage, they would not have to step outside). He gets very angry when anyone says anything about moving or sorting things. This is where I wonder about dementia starting. He is very unreasonable, even when offered alternatives and given safety reasons to change.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.