My dad recently died and my mom won't leave my house. How do I handle it?

Set a firm date for her return to her own home. This is something you both need, she needs to take the steps forward into the next phase of her life and learn to be independent, you need to reclaim your own life. Of course she will be afraid and want to waffle on the time-frame, but neither of you can afford to have this go on indefinitely.

I am like you and my mom is like yours. You are both grieving and emotional and my thoughts are with you. You both have lost such an important person in your life.

If your mom is like mine - she will likely try to make YOU her life. There are great suggestions on here about gently getting her back to her own apartment - that is what she needs. Does she have friends you can reach out to and ask if they will start inviting her out to things? My mom has few friends and that is why she wanted ME to be her friend in everything.

When my mom stays with me - I go nuts after a few hours. I can't retreat to my room because she feels like I'm ignoring her. What I do is my "normal routine" - I go for a long walk by myself, or to yoga, and I frequently extend this to sitting in a coffee shop reading. Recharge my batteries. I can't read with my mom around because she will talk anyway. but when she is talking - I can knit.

I sort of structure my day - X time with mom, X time my son & I playing card games with mom (those are fun!), X time walking, etc - so it isn't so open ended. I find it is easier if I get the conversational ball started. If I leave it to my mom - it is the same group of stories complaining about how awful my dad is (they divorced 25 years ago). I'll get my son and we'll play cards and i'll ask her questions - about my grandparents, her childhood, etc - my son loves it. She can talk and I can stand to listen.

I hope you can figure out a way to help with both of your needs.

Becca, 10 days, your almost to the finish line, once the funeral is over, give it 2 more days, of planning and discussing how this transition back to her home is going to go. You have been extremely loving and patient, but now she needs to figure out what it is that she would like to do moving forward. You, and maybe others, her siblings perhaps, can go back to her home, and start slowly clearing out some of the sad reminders of your Dad being sick, dying at home, all of the medical things like the bed, all of the O2 and meds, any of that sort of thing, plus all of the funeral flowers and cards, time to clear all of that stuff away. Find ways to clean and brighten up the place. Have a list of people and phone numbers that she can call, when she is lonely. Also, visit the senior center, and do some research online about volunteering or plan a weekend trip away, something she can look forward to. Maybe a friend or relative might like to book a mini cruise with her, or even a casino junket, those are usually pretty cheap, and easy to find online! Next up, clearing and donating your Dad's clothes, and maybe a little redecorating project. Your Mom is young and healthy, and loves to talk, so I'm guessing that she will fit right in to anything that peaks her interests, and will soon be finding new friends.
It's still early days yet, and you've been given loads of great ideas, and I'm sure that soon and with gentle incentives, she'll be realizing that a whole new world is opening up for her, and you to will be learning how to navigate through life without your Dear Dad in it! I'm so sorry for your loss, but in time, things will begin to get better for you both! Take care! You're a great daughter to be thinking and planning ahead!

Becca, how are you doing?

A few important thoughts here before actions are taken. This is your mother, annoying and exhausting as she may seem at this time - you will regret any action that isn't taken/received as kindly on her part. This is where it will get real tricky. It almost needs to seem that it is her idea. Manipulation - oh you bet but to her own good and that of the family dynamic. When people are grieving and both of you are grieving things are done and said that drive wedges or hurt when at other times would seem like just commonsense. - Talk it over with a few friends, a grief counselor, a minister, some your mom's friends. The last thing either of you needs at this time is to inadvertently hurt each other. Good luck - Praying for you both.

PS Becca - sending you a huge hug and one for your Mom -

See if the hospice can get Mom into a grief support group where she can talk as much as she needs to. It could be really good for her and take the brunt off of you. I needed to debrief big time after I lost my mom...my grief support group gave most of the time to the wives who had just lost hubbies, and I totally understood.

Will look into greif support groups. Thank you guys