My Father just got home from a NH and he says he got raped. How do I proceed?

I know this is little consolation at this time but for all that have someone in a facility, I recommend a Nanny Cam. I purchased mine through BrickhouseSecurity The SVAT Alarm Clock Hidden Camera worked well for me.

Park35, what has happened with this? You are wise to proceed with caution. I once knew a woman with dementia. She also thought she was being sexually abused by a neighbor. This was very real to her. But the neighbor lived upstairs and was happening through the ceiling of her apartment. The facility where your dad is was wise to put the person on leave until everything can be figured out.

Dad mentioned the abuser trying to pull his penis apart. Are there any injuries to see there. As the N/H has put the accused on leave if they let him return are the prepared to monitor the rooms of other men who may not be able to defend themselves. I can only say let your mom do things her way. This guy will be caught eventually

Your poor dad could have also been exposed to a venereal disease. He definitely should see a doctor. If you believe him, that's enough for me. There is a saying that the truth never changes (the story) because it is the truth. If he continues to tell the details the same way, I would not doubt him. What a horrible ordeal. I never ever want to be put in a place like that. I have never seen a good one, just some less bad than others. What a travesty to live to be old to have things come to this. You are in my prayers.

This has been horrible for you. I'm glad you went to the police. Don't feel bad if you end up getting nowhere. The main thing is to let your father know how much you love him. You are a good caring child.

Sorry I haven't been back here to tell you what is going on. It has been a full time job for me to narrow things down. I got enough information from the nursing home about who were the "perps", without them knowing, using the ruse that we were so happy with his care that we wanted to send a card to his male attendants. So I finally found someone stupid enough to tell me. They are cautious for obvious reasons. Based on Dad's description we figured out who it was (we think) so I got his name and called a Louisville detective who ran a background check on him and found nothing in his file. They put him on leave pending an investigation. But now Mom won't let it go any further. She has dummied up and I'm afraid that it is over. She won't let him see a line up, heck, she won't even answer a phone call if she doesn't know who it is. So right now we are at a standstill. She doesn't think he would survive it, but really, I don't think she thinks she will survive it. They are scared with good reason and fear is a great motivator. It's a freaking nightmare. The walls are going up and we will probably be out of luck. The detective told me that statistically whoever did this to my Dad has done it 186 times before he got to Dad. My sister isn't done yet so their is some hope, but I really doubt it. My Mother is stubborn as they come. Right now all I can do is pray, cry, scream in my pillow, and pray some more. Thanks for your patience and all of your help and concerns.

I am very troubled reading what happened to your father. If I we're you I would get him over to his physician or even the emergency and have them do a rape kit just to confirm that this in fact did take place. From there on everything will fall in place. The hospital will call the authorities, file a complaint, take a report and an investigation will be conducted. Take him to get checked out and once all is confirmed, call the authorities and let them take action against the perp and the nursing home. Good luck!

Be happy that your dad can speak. While my mother was in an NH, she could not tell me anything that happened to her. I would go there and sometimes she would have this grimace on her face like she wanted to tell me about something unpleasant that happened, but she could not speak. I couldn't do anything because I could not prove anything. I also would not want them to retaliate against her for the same reason. Hands were tied. Best wishes in getting this resolved.

Contact your father's physician, adult protective services and the police to report this incident. This should have never happened. You can also contact the survey agency that provides oversight to the nursing home. You can also contact your attorney general's office. I'm sure this was a traumatic event for your father and the person that was abuse should receive his due punishment. This person should never be allowed to work as a caregiver for anyone.

I think the police should be involved.

I don't want to negate what your dad said and I'm very sure this is very true for him but is there a chance that the Parkinson's related dementia isn't at work here? Again, I'm definitely not saying that this didn't happen but if your dad has dementia that has to be taken into consideration.

My dad had dementia related to liver failure and he was in a NH and he told me all kinds of things that were going on in which he was being victimized. These stories were very detailed and very, very real to my dad. I took them very seriously because my dad was very afraid. His fear was very real and to him, these things were happening. That was his truth.

I don't see how you can resolve this situation without involving the police. IF this really happened the NH is going to close ranks and have you running around in circles with no resolution. You must report this to the police.

Kitch-
your original post says dad was afraid to say anything until he got home. Then you say that he doesn't know that you know. Who did he tell when he got home?

Since your post was four days ago, I sincerely hope you called the police and got your DAD to a doctor immediately so possible DNA could be collected. Also, like the other poster says, there may be evidence of redness, tears or bruising that could be documented. You wouldn't want it to be your Dad's word against someone else's, but DNA speaks for itself. There would be physical evidence if your Dad was raped repeatedly. If there's no physical evidence, then you might consider that it may not have happened and, maybe, he just doesn't want to go back to the NH so he thought of the worst thing he could. Either way, an immediate examination was imperative.

I agree with kitch that rapist must be stopped. Even if there is no proof, any complaint must be taken seriously. He is a sociopath preying on the elderly. He must be stopped. Get a lawyer threaten to sue.

Go see the police, whoever handles sex crimes, explain the situation, ask their advice. You don't have to involve your father. This man must be stopped. Even if they cant prosecute; they will investigate the man, and how this could happen in a nursing home. They can put cameras, and catch him in the act.

Calling the police would be the first step. They will know how to start the investigation.

Get him to a doctor right away, the can check for bruises, etc, right now! Then call the police asap and file a report Thats one more reason my Mom will never go into a nursing home. Poor thing omg!

The more ultimate issue for me right now is, the rapist is still there hurting someone else, obviously. But we must proceed with caution. I don't forget for a minute that my Dad was the only one. He was not the first and he is not the last. I need to handle this thing as fast and as safe for my parent who has been abused. He does not even know that I know about this. This is nuts. It's a real moral problem for me my friends. Do I put my dying Father through this when it would only result in his pain? OR...Do I fight crime in Kentucky from Texas with no witnesses?

I agree with JessieBelle. He COULD hallucinate something like that. I'm not saying he did, and I would go on the assumption that it is true, but leave the door open for a little doubt.

Do get him to a doctor to have his bottom checked, and ask them to treat it as a possible rape. At the very least, if he has an injury, that should be treated.

What a horrible situation for both of you! God bless you and your father.

What a difficult situation. I agree that you do have to report what your father told you. I would go to the police and the management of the NH. However, if there is any possibility that the tale is not true, please let the police/NH know that. You wouldn't want an employee punished for something that wasn't true. That would be devastating. But you would not want the behavior to go unpunished if what your father said is true.

Now I am only sharing this because I want all of you to know. As I cry and shake I can only imagine what it was like for my Dad and I would kill someone right now if I could. We have it narrowed down to 3 light skinned men with an accent. But he does not know their name because the name tags only say the first name. I am working on getting a roster of the attending staff for him without giving him up. We still are not sure who it was and, although he told my Dad, he would kill him and he knows where he lives, and I am putting a security system guy there on Mon, to secure the place with an alarm system. Sorry. I have to cry now.

I have been talking to a friend of mine with the Houston PD. I live in Texas and they are in Louisville, Ky. This is a nightmare and I really hate sharing this with people who will go in with guns drawn when we don't want him to be put through a system who will rape him all over again with questions and line ups etc. I am a woman and I know what happens to us. He is lucky to be alive and he is so weak he sleeps all the time. But Dad said that he punched the guy repeatedly to get him off him. But he was overpowered. He said he should have his bottom checked because he was bleeding from this rape. And he said that the guy tried to pull his penis apart. So he must have really done a sick number on him.

Take your Father out of there immediately. Call the police. Your father can not make up things like this. This needs to be investigated. I am very upset to read this. I am taking care of my father. I rather take care of him than have him in a place where no one is trusted.

OMG your poor father! Could your dad identify the person? I know it's hard, but I'd report it to both the nursing home, the hospital that sent him there, and the police. This guy may have a prior record or there may be other accusations against him and this may be the one that trips the trigger to getting him punished. You can't let this person go on raping other helpless old men.