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It was always understood that I would care for the surviving parent when either away. My moved in with me as my marriage was failing, and was a great support for me. We get along very well.I have met someone with whom I would like to build a life, something we both want. Our only obstacle is that he won't live with Mum. I understand that, but don't know if it is fair to abandon her. She has poor health and cannot live alone. I would always be there for her, spend time etc. I don't think she would understand. I feel guilty

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I've made many a decision thinking "really, how long can it be"? HUGE mistake. Like cwillies mom, mine keeps on ticking. Mom is on hospice care but her six months is up in August and I wouldn't be surprised if she's still here and they change her status to palliative care. You needs to make decisions for your own life in the here and now. I didn't see any mention of dementia- but go back a few years to when your mother was healthy, would she have wanted you to sacrifice your own chance at happiness for her? You can still be involved in your moms care, still visit with her everyday if you chose to - and having mom in a skilled nursing facility would provide her with round the clock care. You are not being selfish by wanting to be happy in your own life.
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I visited my Mom on weekends for years and every time I wondered if this would be the last time, mom had a history of heart disease and TIAs and was over 80. When she finally reached a point that she needed me to move in "temporarily" she was over 90. When she started to need help with most of her ADLs and we decided to treat her palliatively I bought a home suitable for both of us and made the decision to forego the nursing home, after all she probably wouldn't be around much longer. That was over 3 years ago, in another couple of months she will be 97. You shouldn't make decisions based on her longevity, maybe your mom will die mercifully in her sleep tomorrow, but maybe she will keep on like the energizer bunny. Keep your guilty feelings for things you have done that are wrong.
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Know, but feel so guilty. She only has a few more yeas if that
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When you marry a husband, you forsake all others, including your parents. It's not fair to expect him to take on this burden. Choose.
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No, you wouldn't be abandoning her!! Try to find an AL within her budget, then visit often. Tell her she isn't losing a daughter but gaining a new son-in-law.
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