My 81 year old mother is in a nursing home with advanced Alzheimer's. My 84 year old Father still lives in his own home about 6 miles from the nursing home and makes a regimented habit of visiting her 3 times a day. In his refusal to deviate from this routine other things are being grossly neglected in the house. He won't take his dog to the vet and her toenails are curling around her feet, the house in filthy and is only cleaned when my sister and I can visit once a month. He will not change his clothing or his bedding and is starting to have a roach issue, He's fallen down several times in the house and in the yard. I call him every Wednesday night and my sister every Sunday night just to make sure he's not lying injured somewhere. Any suggestions we make to get him some additional help are met with outright refusal because he does not want to be inconvenienced or in any way deviate from his "routine". On the surface it looks as if he's "functioning". He drives a car (although probably shouldn't be) he pays his bills, he feeds himself (TV dinners is what he opts for) however he is severely depressed and doesn't care about anything else other than getting to the nursing home 3 times a day and sitting with my mother. We understand how hard this is for him emotionally and although his dedication and advocacy toward her is commendable it isolates him and he will not listen to anything we have to say. Visiting him is difficult because of the condition of the house. It's a 3 and 4 hour drive for me and my sister respectively to go there and staying over is no longer an option. We can't do all that needs to be done ourselves crammed into a weekend. He won't let us get anyone else over there to do anything even though we've made it clear we will arrange it AND pay for it. If my mother was to pass away first I am almost certain he will just stop eating and not communicate any longer. He has some health issues of his own (COPD, high blood pressure) and honestly should right now,be living in that nursing home with her as opposed to visiting her, but when we suggested this he became irate. I don't know what legal options we have in regard to this since he technically is independent, or at least would seem so to an outsider. We don't know what we can do, if anything, to change this situation. Feedback on this is appreciated.