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Dad has Alzheimer’s- progressive cognitive decline and inability to care for self led to assisted living community and me managing finances. He does not believe he has any problems and that he can care for himself. He obsesses over money and thinks I am stealing and lying to him. He is verbally abusive and hard to redirect. He wants his bank card so he can withdraw money anytime he wants. He has no car but he is still physically fit. He says he can just walk to a bank. Which he would. There are banks near the assisted living home on busy street, that I am sure he’d try to walk to. Prior to taking over finances he was withdrawing 100-200 dollars a day and either losing it or hiding and forgetting where he put it. He never remembers taking the money out. He does not recognize value of currency anymore. It is a constant source of tension anger and stress. Whenever I visit it is all he talks about. I don’t know how to manage this. I know he cannot have possession of CC but his accusations and anger are so hard.

Is he in a lockdown unit yet? His safety is important. Obviosly, he no longer has the mental capacity. With verbal abuse, you need to control how much you are willing to take. If he gets more agitated, perhaps he needs to see a specialist for calming medications. You may want to have a family meeting with his caretakers to express your concerns and to see if he needs the next level of care.
I had to deal with this somewhat similar with my mom and a friend who took her to the bank. You need to take away any bank statements, checkbooks and cards. Most important is any ID that a bank may ask for. Perhaps replace it with a medic alert bracelet . The number on the bracelet has an ID info.
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MaineMac Oct 13, 2018
Not in a lock down unit at this point. He is fixated on getting his IDs and CC. He was always a numbers - money guy. I set up with facility that he can have money up to $50 in wallet as I know having something in pocket is important. But Since he doesn’t recognize dollar amount thinks he has no money. All outings are covered in cost of living. Problem is he does not think there is anything wrong with him- therefore it is his money and I am stealing from him. I show him bank statements and go over them with him but doesn’t help. I can see how distressing it is to him for in his eyes his daughter is lying and stealing from him. The staff has been great trying to redirect him and reassure me this is not unusual. I dread visiting him and my visit only seems to trigger his anger and obsession. He seems happy, making friends and above all someplace safe for the first time in a few years.
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Money seems to be a big thing for Dementia people. My Mom was probably further along than your Dad, To the point I requested the facility not to include her in outings. For one she was a fall risk, she would need to be watched constantly and she could not make decisions. She would ask for money telling me someone needed for a charity. I would just tell her they weren't allowed to solicit for charities. Some people have suggested giving a parent an expired credit card or ATM card. If Dad can afford it, a few dollars in his wallet. (I was pinching pennys so I couldn't afford to have Mom give away money)

Moms AL had a key pad at the front door and alarms at the fire doors. If Dads is set up this way, you can ask that he not get the code and not allow him outside unsupervised.
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MaineMac Oct 13, 2018
Thank you. He is still physically fit and walks all around the grounds. He really likes the outings and not ready for locked unit yet. I could not give him expired CC or ID as he would go right to the bank (walk until he found one). He knows he needs an ID to get money. There is really nothing he needs money for. When we take him out I always make sure he has a some money. He doesn’t recognize value of bills so will just place everything on counter regardless of cost or just walk away with out paying or realizing need to pay. At one point I tried to point these things out to him as reasons why I am helping with monies- but since he doesn’t see connection stopped- just makes us both miserable.
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What arrangement have you made for him to have money in his wallet? Even I feel quite insecure if I have no money on me. My husband kept his mother with $50 in her wallet, and topped her up when he visited. They usually had a pleasant conversation about all the nice things she had spent money on since the last visit. He told her that the facility didn't want more cash or cards around because they had had problems with theft (which was actually true), but she could have her wallet topped up as much as she wanted. The time between visits and the conversations about spending were all that was needed to keep the amounts under control.
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