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my dad has been in a nursing home since may 15th 2012 due to a stroke.he couldn't swallow at first.he's progressed to the degree that he can walk with a walker if accompanied and cansuck on soft cookies or crackers and he's allowed a very small amount of water daily.He can't speak intelligibly but we(my mom and I) usually figure it out.His spelling and speech have ben effected but little else.His mind is sharp and he remembers everybody and all incidents from the past.His long and short term memory doesn't seem to have been effected.he has bene lonely and cries when we see him as he wants to come home.he hates it there and wants to be with his family.he turned 95 in july.his dr syas no he can't leave until he can walk by himself.that's absurd.he's lost so much weight that his legs will never fully support his weight.my mother and I would like to take care of him.we'd like o have a nurse come take care of him for a while in the days and then me and my mom at night.we were told by his nurse at the nursing home that my mother can learn to use the machine that feeds him thru the stomach. apart form that ,she can help him in and out of bed.his dr is deteremined to keep him at the nursing home.my mother and I feel that he'll give up and die if he's left there but that he'd be happier and live longer if at home with family.We are all extremely close as family and he wants to come home and not lay there to die in a nursing home where all he sees is sickness and death.he got across to us las time we visited.he made it very clear and he cried he was so lonely./does the dr have the last say so and why would he expect my mother and I to leave my father lay there and lonely in a nursing home til he simply and silently passes away?that's nothing less than torture.If my dad didn't have such a sharp mind it might not matter so much.but he is still sharp and his memory hasn't been effected which means he wants to be at home and watching tv and doing many of he things he could do before his stroke.no he cant do everything like drive a car and such but he can certainly enjoy the presence of his family and us him. my mother and I don't where to go from here.he want him home and he wants to come home but his dr is not giving in

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Alice, Medicare does not cover nursing home care, just short stints in rehab after a hospital visit. Taking her home before she is fully recovered is a recipe for disaster. Any time you take a patient out against medical orders you are fully responsible for any bad thing that subsequently happens due to a lack of care. PLUS if the patient was involuntarily admitted, bigger trouble ensues.
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if i take my mom home from nursing facility without drs permission will medicare still pay the days prior to her departure/?
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Would hospice be appropriate at this time? Perhaps not, but if it is, bringing him home on hospice care might be sensible.

Caring for him at home will be very demanding. At his age at least you know this will not go on for another 20 years. But even a few months of this level of care can wear a caregiver down. Assuming that you mother is close to his age and that you are well past 35 yourself, I really don't think you should take this on alone. But with adequate in-home help and frequent respite breaks you may be able to make it work.

Why not try it out in the nursing home. It sounds like at least some of the staff there think it can be done. Let Mom learn to feed him, and to do it under their supervision. If he is incontinent. both of you take turns at cleaning him up and changing him while there is someone there to instruct and observe. Get him ready for bed. Get him ready for the day. And then realize you would be doing all of this everyday (with whatever help you can arrange). If you still want to do it, line up your in-home help (don't forget respite care!) and bring him home.

The facility's social worker should be able to help you on this journey. See if you can set up a transitional plan with him or her.

Good luck to you. Let us know how this is going for you. We care.
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Ricky I am so sorry to see you go through this. Realize that in-home nursing is at least $100 a day for just a one-hour visit. 8 hrs of nursing will cost you $240 a day or more. You will be changing diapers, can you stomach that? You will be turning him to avoid bedsores. You have to learn to operate the G-tubes and feeding machine. And he will still be crying because he can't do things he wants to do. You won't get any sleep at night, you will be tending to a crying restless patient. A better idea might be some anxiolytics or antidepressants.
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If this is private pay stop paying. If this is medicaid paying, notify them of your wishes. Make sure you have a good care plan for your father to live at home based on his needs.
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The nursing home won't discharge your dad if they don't think it is a safe discharge. If you take him out AMA ( aganist medical advice) then the discharge might have to be reported to APS ( adult protective services). You are going to need help in the home, other than you and your mom...This is a 24 hour job and it isnt an easy one. Does your dad have medicaid? If so, he might qualify for CBC waiver. Contact your counties dept of social service-aging division for more infol
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The doctor does have the final say. Much of this is because the nursing home does not want to make what they might consider an unsafe discharge which would open them up to being liable. If it is like the nursing home that my mother is in, they have a level of functioning that they expect before discharging someone safely. Unless you can charge them with mistreating your dad, I'm not sure what an attorney can do. From what I understand, you can override the doctor who at that point would no longer be your dad's doctor, but that could open you up for being liable for him as well.

Do either your mother or you have medical POA and/or durable POA for your dad? If not, I would suggest getting it while his mind is still sound if he can sign for himself. There are some notaries who will come to where you are to notarize such documents. I think you would be the better person to have this for if your mother has this, then who is going to be able to do these things if your mother suddenly died before your dad? Also, do you have medical and durable POA for your mother?
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I didn't think a nursing home was a prison, but apparently it is? I thought as long as you were paying this exorbitant amount of money, THAT gave the person the power as to whether their loved one stayed or went. Apparently not? I bet if you said tomorrow that the money had dried up, the doctor would agree to have your dad leave and let you take care of him at home. My advice would be, get your ducks in a row at home as to who and how exactly you are going to take care of your fathers needs there. Then tell the administrator you are taking your father home to be cared for. Sign whatever you need to sign that exonerates them from responsibility, and leave. I think it's wonderful that your family is such, that you KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that you'll all be able to come together and take care of your dad till he dies. Do it.
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Perhaps you need to go to an elder attorney? Bless you.
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