Dad needs pacemaker but doesn't want one. Any advice?

Well at 82, he's lived a pretty long life - much longer than a lot of folks. Not that it makes it any easier on you, but he's had a good life and has the support of a loving family, which is the most any of us can ask at that point in our lives. So he's blessed in many ways - and you are too, even though it doesn't feel like it right now.

Oh..blannie..my dad is 82

You ARE doing the right thing. It's hard, but you'll get through it. Blessings to you.

Thank you all for your support.

I left for a few minutes and my mom said he asked about the surgery like he was maybe reconsidering...but that is to be expected with his dementia. He didnt say anything after i got home tho. I cant hardly be around him without crying..i dont know how mom does it.

Please tell me we are doing the right thing...i feel so sad.

Katie-
I understand how hard this must be fore you! Often the anesthesia used for surgery has extremely negative effects on cognition. Following the surgery you would see a definite progression in the dementia that may or may not reverse after a few weeks. Respect your dad's decision and be there for him. Call in hospice to help you through this. I know that if it were me, I would make the same decision your dad has.

Katie - my heart goes out to you and your father. My father had a pacemaker for many years and did well. But after a time it needed to be replaced and the doctor thought he was too weakened and would not survive the surgery. The doctors at this point would not perform the surgery. At this point in his life, he was still lucid and competent to make decisions. His situation was different as the doctors were the ones making the decisions. Due to this, the doctor said he will not survive more than six months or so.

This was devastating to hear; but the doctor told my father the situation and he understood. Unfortunately, he did not last long after this prognosis; but passed away shortly after from renal failure. We just took it one day at a time and truly treasured any time I had left with him; making the most of it knowing the days were numbered. I feel he understood the gravity of the situation and was accepting of it; as your father appears to be. You can try talking to him again to make sure he understands. Perhaps he will change his mind, or perhaps not. They know themselves when they just don't want to take any measures any longer. As difficult as it is for us to accept; we need to go along with any decisions they want. They are the ones facing the surgery and any other complications as well. Hugs across the miles. Take care.

At age 99 Grandma Dencie got a pacemaker and hated it and demanded they take it out. They did as she asked, we got her home and Hospice sent in aides and nurses. We could not have done this without them. She passed away peacefully in her sleep and the Hospice RN came to the house within an hour, took care of the death certificate and destroyed the medications. Without Hospice you have to call 911, wait for the coroner to come out and answer a LOT of questions. Hospice will be a lot of help. No cost, covered by Medicare. Dencie knew what she wanted, and God took her home.

Katie, your dad is a brave, smart and compassionate man. Pacemakers don't die, the body and mind around them does. Have good times with him while you can.

Well if his dementia is mild and he still is able to communicate pretty well, I think you have to respect his decision. You don't say how old your dad is, but only he can decide when he's fought hard enough. I'm sure his dementia diagnosis is playing into his decision as well. Who wants to have a forever ticking heart when your mind is gone? He could possibly live years with a pacemaker, but without any quality of life because of the dementia.

I wouldn't want that for myself. It's probably harder on you that it is on him. It's tough on all of you...but I think you have to go along with what he wants in this case. {{Hugs}}