My dad needs help and I am extremely worried and frustrated. Where do I start?

Great comments from all. Robert, once the immediate need of getting your dad an in home companion or in a respite facility, I would also suggest you joining a support group. This way you can connect to other caregivers which can be a huge benefit. Since you are in TN. Try calling the Alzheimer's Association 24/7 Helpline anytime for additional resources.

Wishing you and your father the Best.

Yes, my mom always sounds great on the phone with my brother. But if you'd talk to her for more than five minutes, you'd realize she has no short-term memory and will ask you the same thing over and over and can't remember what she did or said ten minutes ago. There's no way in h*ll she could take care of herself, but she'd never tell you that. With your dad being so young (coming from a 63 year old), I can see how you wouldn't expect he'd be in such bad shape. He's lucky to have you watching out for him now.

Robert - my aunt lived in Northern California and my mom in Southern. As sisters, they talked regularly once every 10 days to 2 weeks. My mom did not know for 2 years that my aunt had dementia until she fell, was hospitalized and the neighbors called us regarding the condition of her home (deplorable nightmare). They can sound pretty good from a distance over the phone if you just check for short periods of time and don't catch the memory lapses or the repetitions. It can come as a big surprise when you DO find out.

Thanks, you guys....wonderful advice and information. Oh, and about the legal aspects, I did not think of that!! My father and I were not close and he lived so far away. I just didn't realize, even with talking to him on the phone all this time, that he was depleting so rapidly. I am going to start with social services today and hopefully start with Medicaid.

Thanks so much!

Is he on Medicaid? They will pay for many of his medical needs, but the application process takes awhile. Is there an adult day care center where you could take him near your work or home?

How did he come to be with you? It sounds a bit strange that you didn't have any idea about his condition.

Also contact the Alzheimer's Association.

He may qualify for Medicaid if he only gets SS. They sometimes pay for in-home care.

Some of that was too vague so I just want to expand what I said. By immediate assistance I mean either a caregiver full time with him into home when you're not there or taking him to a daycare center while you're gone. AND RIGHT AWAY, not next week or two days from now. Be VERY careful. You certainly don't want your dad to be injured in any way but I'm sure you also can't afford to be exposed to legal liability either.

Hello Robert - as innocent as this initial undertaking was on your part, you have now taken on a devastatingly dangerous situation. It's kind of like the cart before the horse, so to speak.

Now that you know and understand your father's level of dementia, you could become legally responsible for negligence an elder indangerment in caring for him by allowing him continue to do what you describe he has been doing: hazardous things around the house and on the road when he's trying to walk into town.

Your local Department of Aging and Adult Services is a good place to start but you cannot continue to leave him alone for 7 hours a day, possibly not even 15 minutes. I used to take my aunt with me to work, but I have my own business so I was able to do that. If you don't have that luxury, or the luxury to work from home, you need to hire immediate assistance so that he is not left by himself. Anyrhing less than that, under the circumstances, could be considered a criminal act. Different municipalities pursue these situations in many different ways and you don't want to leave yourself open for legal action.

Robert, here is a link to the Area Agency on Aging, with some locations near you: https://www.gnrc.org/agencies-programs/aaad/about-aaad/senior-center/

Good luck with getting your dad evaluated. Sounds like he may need to be in an assisted living facility for his own safety and your peace of mind.

Robert, one possible starting place is to call your county social services and ask for a needs evaluation. Arrange to be there at the appointment.

Dad needs a full medical evaluation so you know what you are dealing with. I suggest finding a geriatrician -- a doctor who specializes in the concerns of old age, just as a pediatrician specializes in the concerns of childhood.