Dad had a stroke which has impaired his memory and speech! He's 88 and needs 24 hour care! What do I do?

I'm assuming that your brother feels that your dad can stay in his own home at this time? Does your brother see that your dad needs more care? If so, why is he dragging his feet on figuring this out? Since you're out of state there's only so much you can do long distance and if your brother isn't on board you're going to have an uphill battle.

Are you able to take some time off and visit with your dad and brother? Have some discussions with your brother? Is he in denial because he doesn't want to be the caregiver or because he just doesn't want to face it?

Until you and your brother can figure this out try to get some home healthcare caregivers in there with your dad to see to his daily needs. This will give you some breathing room to decide what's best.

Was or is dad in the hospital after his stroke? Did he go to rehab for pt, other and speech therapy? Is there an agency involved providing these services at home?

Talk with brother and dad and understand dads finances, estate, entitlement to Medicare, VA assistance, etc. Talk to dr and ask for prognosis and drs assessment for dads long term needs. You can check for listings of NH, care facilities in the area and consider if you want dad to stay in his hometown or move closer to you.

Consider who can manage his care and advocate for him either locally or long distance. Do you want to do that?

There are options, depending on dads care needs such as in home caregiving or live in care if dad can afford and his needs can be met or he needs skilled nursing care in which NH is warranted.

Do your research. Narrow some options down and if NH is needed, enlist drs help in securing a bed for dad.

You may need to take time off from work to look at some places and get dad settled. Please consider, even if it's only supporting your brother in getting dad placed.

By any chance is he a veteran? If so speak to a social worker at your nearest VA office or hospital to find out what care he may be entitled to. He may qualify for a home health care aide for a few hours a week, or for placement in a VA nursing home. Check for local veterans associations in your area , like the American Legion or the Veterans of Foreign Wars, that might have more info for you. Good luck,

What cmagnum said... And yeah, after a certain point, it is impossible for one person to do the caregiving...I did it myself, pretty much alone, for over a decade. That being said, it's not a good thing for one person to take on that kind of load, and depending on circumstances, they won't be able to do all that's required on their own. The toll on me mentally trying to handle my mom myself and to my own health has been astronomical. It will get to the point where it's just way, way too much for anyone to handle on their own. I didn't realize that until much later when I found this site. I am an only child and didn't know what to do. My oldest son quit college to help me with my mom the last 3 years. Mom couldn't walk or stand unassisted anymore and my mom was no light weight. Trying to wrestle with her to change her, bathe her, dress her, get her settled in bed, etc, by myself almost killed me. Thank God my son was there to help those last few years.

Someone does need POA...it's a MUST. I can't say it enough. You MUST get it if you don't already have it. Guardianship is expensive from what I've heard, but if getting POA at this point is impossible, then you must have guardianship. And yes, someone needs to talk to dad's doc, too...

I wish you and your dad and brother the best...this is no easy road...

24/7 care for someone is frankly impossible for one person to do. Who has Durable and Medical POA for your dad? If no one, then someone will need to file for guardianship in order to take care of his finances and to see that he is cared for. Has your dad's doctor ever had a chance to speak with your brother? Maybe he would accept the word of an objective third party about this.