My Dad (who just turned 90) had a mild stroke three years ago and was diagnosed with vascular dementia. After recovering from the stroke, he continued to live alone in his house without any problems. I’m his only child, and I live 500 miles away in another state. Since his stroke and diagnosis, I stopped working full time and took a part time position that allows me to work remotely (with the exception of monthly in-person meetings where I have to be in town). For the past two years, I’ve taken more responsibility for his care. It started with POA so I could pay his bills and manage investments; then I started visiting more frequently. It’s a nine hour drive (each way), so I usually plan to stay there for a week. For the past year and a half, I’ve spent one week each month at Dad’s house where I make sure he gets his medicine, good meals, and grocery shopping and laundry done. He doesn’t need much care beyond that. This arrangement worked fine until about five months ago when he started forgetting that he was on medication. The visiting home health nurse sent him to the hospital for severe hypertension and dehydration because he had forgotten to take his meds and eat. He also had two instances of wandering around the neighborhood at night. He was discharged from the hospital under the condition from his doctors that he couldn’t live alone. They recommended assisted living. I moved him to a facility near his house where he’s been the past five months. He was weak when he was in the hospital, so he was told it was for “physical therapy”, which was actually true for the first month. Dad made it clear to me and the AL facility staff that he didn’t want to be there. The staff told me this is a common problem, and they told me he would eventually “adapt” to his new home. They told me to “just leave” and don’t visit for a few days. I reluctantly followed their directions (it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do). When I returned to visit him after a few days, he had his clothes folded on his bed, ready to pack to go home. (I had taken his suitcase home). The staff advised me not to take him out of the facility for several weeks to give him time to adapt, make some friends, and get “into the resident routine” of planned activities and events. Again, I followed their advice and waited four weeks; he was still very depressed and wanted to go home. He was also much stronger, had gained some weight, and was walking without a walker. I didn’t want to leave him there for months waiting for him to “adjust”; he’s 90 years old and his dementia could worsen at any time. I want to spend as much time with him as I can, doing whatever he likes to do while he can still enjoy it. Since he moved to the AL facility, we have spent our week together each month taking short trips (fishing, ball games, or to family parties). We stay at his house like we did before he moved to assisted living. He’s really glad to be home and is much more relaxed and happy than when he’s at the AL facility. The AL staff cautioned against taking him “back home” because it may confuse him about where he is living. This doesn’t seem to make any difference to me. He usually doesn’t remember where he slept the night before. He does remember that he doesn’t want to go back to the AL facility because he “doesn’t need any help” and is “willing to accept any risk” of being alone. I know he’s getting good care at the AL facility, and I want to keep on having our time together each month taking trips instead of being at the hospital. I’ve had to use deceit to get him to go back to the AL facility each time; it’s easy to do because his memory so poor—although this changed this last month. I think the AL facility might now be a “long term” memory, which he can access much better than short term. I’m visiting him next week, and we’re planning a short fishing trip, baseball playoff games, and a few trips to his favorite restaurants. I really want him to adjust to his new home at the AL facility. I know that he misses his house that he built and lived in for 60 years, but he can no longer manage it by himself. I’ve tried to get him to move to my house, but he doesn’t want to leave his friends and family (he gets about 2-4 visitors per week at the AL). I lined up a home care agency to provide care so he could stay in his house, but he refuses to have any “strangers” in his house and he “doesn’t need anyone” to help. I can’t move in with him because I still need a job. Is the present AL arrangement with me visiting one week per month the best solution? I know that taking him home each month improves his mood and lessens his anxiety. Is this a good idea? Should I stop taking him home and sell the house? I really don’t want to do anything at this point…I’m just looking for ideas or other thoughts.