My Dad managed to slip out of the assisted living home and refuses to stay. Any similar experiences?

Does he have dementia? If not, then I'm not sure you can physically force him to stay there against his will. If he's suffering from dementia and wandering aimlessly in traffic, then his safety is a huge concern. I think your next steps are dependent on his condition. Has his doctor given him a diagnosis?

My cousin called me from her assisted living facility and told me she was at the mall and that I should meet her there. She then wheeled herself into the parking lot of the assisted living saying she was looking for her car to leave.(She didn't have a car there.) She later grew very agitated that day and with such delusions that she was taken to ER with a change of mental status. They thought it must be a UTI, but it wasn't.

The assisted living said they could not contain her. They are there to assist but unless they are a Secure facility, the residents are free to leave. They can encourage them to stay, but there are no locks to hold people in at the ones I am familiar with in NC.

I had to place my cousin in a Secure Memory Care facility. It was no longer safe for her to be free to leave, since she was wandering into traffic areas with no clue of the danger. That's where we went straight from the hospital. In the Secure unit, she is safe and cannot wander. She's also much calmer and is not being drugged. She takes an antidepressant, but that has made her happier and more engaged.

If he has Dementia, then I would read a lot about it. Normally, the symptoms grow worse and not better. There is no way the place can make him well. It's a progressive illness that will affect the mind and the body over time.

Glad - the facility shouldn't have to be staffed 1:1 to have a safe secured unit. I would be looking more for the building's setup and what the staffing & training are.

My mom had been in a skilled nursing unit that absolutely could not handle dementia behaviors like fighting, wandering, etc. Mom had a psychotic outburst, was in a geriatric psych unit for 5 days, and went straight into a memory care unit that she could not "escape" from, and where they could handle dementia.

That memory care unit is not 1:1. The residents are divided up into small groups and a nurse has them in her care for her shift, with a crew of personal care assistants & orderlies. There is a psych nurse on duty during daytime hours. The nurses report to a charge nurse around the clock.

If a facility told me I had to come sit with mom due to their lack of staffing, I'd be on the phone to the state DHS hotline making a complaint. That is a sign to me of bad/cheap management trying to be stingy or greedy by taking on more patients than they can safely support. I would also be very surprised if a facility like that would train people properly to deal with dementia specifics.

I used to get many calls from an assisted living facility that my cousin was initially in. They were not set up as a real Memory Care facility. Once I got my cousin to a real Secure Memory Care facility, there was a big change. Getting properly trained staff who are trained to handle people who have dementia makes a big difference. They understand how to deal with residents who are resistant to care and eating. They often can work with the resident and get good results. They asked me for a week to not visit so she could adjust.

If this place is not able to handle your granddad and is calling you to handle things, that tells me they are not equipped, regardless of what they calling themselves. I'd make sure they are what they claim. They should be listed with the state.

I would be very disturbed if they gave someone medication that was not prescribed. That is very bad on so many levels.

Unbelieveable that so early in his stay that he would be able to leave. There is a problem at the facility where he is. More is paid for security and it is the facility's responsibility to keep residents safe. I would notify the state regulators of the incident. If this is a Medicaid facility they are bound to tougher regulations than self pay. This is completely unacceptable!

Based on what you describe, this was a lapse on the part of the facility, and the state reporting agency needs to know that. I know people make mistakes, but the facilities are supposed to prevent dumb stuff like a delivery guy leaving a door open into a secured unit from happening. Look them up on your state's DHS website to see what other incidents like this have been reported and what the facility did about it to correct the problem. If it seems like a frequent problem, you might want to look for another place.

OR, make sure he's in the right unit. If he wanders, he needs to be in a unit where they have no access to external doors.

My mom is in a secure unit where they wear ankle bracelets and no external entries/exits. If anyone is within 3 feet of the normal doors, they won't open. When she was in the independent unit, they could go out the front door at will. An assisted unit person could too if they wanted to & had the gumption. The skilled nursing & memory care units are secured with keypads on the elevators & doors, and have no direct access to the outside. (All units have emergency doors of course, but those would trip an alarm if somebody went through them. You couldn't sneak out through one.)

Many facilities will request that family bring in an agency caregiver so he is constantly monitored. Some new residents require the 24/7 additional person because the facilities are not staffed at a one to one ratio. Be prepared, this may be next. If Dad is determined to get out he needs constant monitoring to keep himself safe.

I once had my kids at a "Montessori School" that charged premium rates. I specifically asked at the tour if they can handle a 3 year old boy who was very energetic and intelligent (we didn't know he had Aspergers & ADHD yet). Of course they can - they were all trained in the Maria Montessori method which is particularly good for special needs kids! Every day was a non-stop stream of calls, complaints to me about my son's behavior, reports, write-ups, and heaps of blame on me because I wouldn't "fix" my son. Hunh. Interesting. They had the sign and all the Montessori teaching equipment, but these people were frauds simply out to charge the ignorant a higher price for the experience. I removed my son and got him into a much better arrangement than that.

The point is that you must use the information you are really experiencing to decide if the facility is worth what they charge and is really living up to job or not. Keeping dad there seems extremely risky to me and I wouldn't let him stay a day longer than absolutely necessary. I'd be lining up something else. He may or may not have transition problems - we can't know but his present behaviors are not being handled safely or correctly which is definitely not good for his safety and wellbeing.

You say he's in assisted living. I'm wondering if people are using assisted living when they actually mean a nursing home.

At any rate, a neighbor of mine has an uncle who has lived in assisted living for years. He's starting to show signs of dementia. But he's alone, no partner, and if the community doesn't say something, he's on his own. To me, assisted living is you pay money for a downpayment to get in then live there, paying a sort of 'rent'. They cook, clean, etc., for you, offer services to shop, etc.

A nursing home, on the other hand, should be a secure locked place. When my mom was in the geriatric psyche unit while they were tweaking her drugs, the door was locked, there was a chip in the hospital bracelet that didn't allow the patients to go near that door. The front desk was AT THAT DOOR. When people wanted to come in to visit, they had to knock, the person at the desk would usually know who you were, then buzz you in. If any of the patients were near that door, you were not allowed in until an aide came and changed their course of travel.

So, I don't know if he's in assisted living or a nursing home. I'd be really angry if I were you if you expected him to be secure and this happened! You say the sister, do you mean this is a Catholic based facility?

Also, not really liking the idea of him getting medicine from another patient's stash without her knowing his reaction. Couldn't the doctor be reached that evening?

All Assisted Living Facility's are not created equal. If he is an elopement risk you need to look at a secured unit for his safety not a general ALF. He will probably have issues in the beginning that would be expected. It will take time for him to settle in. Thru this time he may need the help of additional medication that can be stopped at a later date. Do your home work before picking a facility pick the one that will fit his needs at the time and in the future.

Nobody tells us that we have to redefine what acclimated looks like and means for the individual. It might not ever be like it would if you or I moved into a new apartment somewhere else.
Some lucky folks do adapt, and boy am I jealous! Some will eventually get there in time (many months). The period of adjustment can be very, very long, and the final adjusted stage may not be exactly what everybody had in mind, based on the infomercial in our brains!

I had to stop looking for happiness or signs of contentedness from my mom. Safety was the most important thing. Then making sure she was getting her meds and eating enough, reasonably clean, and that's it.