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I'm 53 and moved in w my parents to take care of my mom before she died. Now that she has passed, my dad wants to touch me and have sex w me. I have said no but he says there is nothing wrong. I was molested as a child by an uncle and this is triggering all the shame. I have told him no but he continues. Moving out is not an option.

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Unfortunately, it seems too often a question or problem is posted and the kind and caring folk here take the time to give a thoughtful and informed reply. Well, mostly :) However, I think often people don't like the reply or it wasn't what they were hoping to hear - so that's the end of it.

Often as well, although I don't mean to imply in this situation - the whole story is not being told. Which makes no sense since this is an anonymous site and it's the only way to get a truely useful reply. Anyhoo...

Anne - I hope you're doing well and finding a way to resolve your situation that is able to help your father - without harming you. You are a person of value deserving of respect and personal safety - both mentally and physically. Take care!
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Thank you all for your kindness. It was a long time ago, and I've forgiven what happened, because I had to in order to get on with my life. My story is for another time, though....I'm concerned about Anne and hope she comes back to let us know what she's going to do. I only hope it includes a plan to get help for her father and to get herself out of there. There's no reason she has to be exposed to this. None at all.
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I agree with all of the above. If someone else told you what you've shared with us, I think you would tell them to leave. I know it is hard but you have to separate the act from the person you love. Please leave. Find somewhere safe and then look into resources for your Dad.

Susan, I am so sorry for what you have suffered at the hands of so many. You show amazing strength and resilience every day considering all that you have overcome in your life. All the best to you my friend.
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Dear Susan,

I'm so sorry to hear what happened to you as a child. And thank you for speaking up and for your strong words to help Anne. I know its terrible situation for any person to be in.

Anne, we all care about you. And want you to protect yourself. Please seek help. There are options! There is always a way out. I hope you will talk to social services and access the resources for yourself and your father. It is not right what he is doing. Please take care. We are all here to support you.
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This post really triggered me today, and I wasn't expecting it. I can usually kind of displace the emotions and such related to my childhood abuse (mental/emotional defense mechanism I developed early in life), but this one really bothers me, and in surprising ways.

Anne, I didn't reveal it in my earlier post, and don't often talk about it, but my father, uncle, brother-in-law and a family friend all molested (or attempted to molest) me from age 2 to 13. One wanted to prostitute me to his friends. So I know very well where you're coming from here.

Anne - *please* come back and let us know what you decided to do about your father. This is inappropriate in ways I can't even begin to describe, and you know it as well as I do. Get out of there. I don't care if you have to go to a women's shelter until you can get into a place of your own. Find a way to make it happen for your own safety, sanity and well-being. This is going to do major damage to you - psychologically, at the very least. I cannot even fathom living in that situation day-to-day, while being expected to provide loving care for this man. This is no longer the father you used to know - and he may never be, unless a medication can be found that will suppress his sexual urges and calm him to a point of being the man he used to be.

Call Adult Protective Services and explain the situation to them. Tell them that Dad needs help to care for himself (if he does - you indicated he is of sound mind, so maybe he doesn't) - and get out of there.

You say you won't have a relationship with him if you move out - sweetie....stop for a moment. Think. This man - your father - is displaying inappropriate sexual behavior with his daughter. Would you tolerate this from anyone else? What if you were a married woman with a young daughter and your husband did this to your daughter? What if you were a teacher and a young girl came to you and said her father/stepfather was molesting her? What would you do? TAKE ACTION FOR YOURSELF.
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You cannot have a relationship with a damaged brain. Your father is damaged and needs psychiatric help. What are you going to do if he overpowers and rapes you? You have two choices: have him committed or move out. I wish you wisdom as you decide what is best for you.
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Anne, as a childhood sexual abuse survivor, I am urging you, from one to another - GET OUT. I know you say moving out is not an option, but for your own well-being, it needs to be. Find a way.

Your father needs to be on his own or have a caregiver that can handle this - and it needs to NOT be you or any other member of the family, unless it's a male.
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Anne - your best interests have to come first. Living in a house with a dad who is pressuring you to have sex with him is extremely unhealthy for you, and more so because of the previous molestation. Your dad is sexually harassing you.

Why do you not see moving out as an option?

You could check with the local agency for aging and social services in your area for ideas and support and the closest women's shelter and discuss your situation with them.

Yes, you want your dad as you would like him, but he is not perhaps the dad you knew. I too think he needs an evaluation. This is not normal behaviour. and signals something going on that needs treatment, especially if it is a change in him from before.

Have you had therapy for the childhood sexual abuse?

((((((hugs))))) for all you are going through.
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Your father is not of sound mind if he is trying to initiate sex with you - his own daughter. This is not "normal" behavior or thought process. Period.

You need to find some place else for one of you to live. I hope you at least have a lock on your bedroom door. But is that really how you want to live your life? I am not trying to be insulting here - truely- but perhaps you should see a therapist about the situation. It doesn't sound to me like you are thinking clearly.
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Anne, I seriously question the soundness of your father's mind. Don't you? Are you quite sure he isn't mistaking you for your mother as a young woman?

Unless it wasn't only your uncle who molested you in times gone by, then your father has undergone an abrupt personality change which takes him very far outside normal. And if your father *did* do this kind of thing in the past, then what the heck is the value of the relationship to you? If you seriously want to maintain it, then you yourself need psychiatric help.

Take Pam Stegman's advice: consult your own doctor, in confidence, and find out how to do what she suggests. Meanwhile, I strongly recommend that you at least sleep elsewhere - do you have any friends who could put you up?
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He is of sound mind and will not willingly do this and I do not have power of attorney. I am his only living child and if I move out I won't have a relationship at all with him. I want my DAD not a mollestor.
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Moving out must be made an option - for the sake of your own mental health.
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Have dad committed for a 72 hour psych evaluation.
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