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Don't know how to help except hiding the keys. Dad gets angry and blames mom. Any ideas on how to make this transition easier would be greatly appreciated. With his dementia there are days he knows why but lots of days he doesn't.

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SoTired, actually my father has one of those and has a lot of fun with it. He didn't want it at first as he didn't think he needed it, but I was thinking ahead.

Gradually he became more used to the idea. I was surprised to learn that he had begun taking it out of the garage and driving it around the neighborhood.

It's vastly increased his sense of independence; it attracts neighbors and friends and enhances his social interaction.

I'm sorry to learn of the surgery and nerve issue.

There's an interesting corollary to appearing old. It's that of amazement in what people can and are accomplishing given that they are "old".

A 90 year old who can still walk and wants to is an accomplishment in itself; using a cane only ENHANCES that mobility - it doesn't mean he's really old. He's just using a device to leverage the mobility he has.
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Thank you. My father is of a very proud generation and refuses to get a scotter, even though his knee replacement surgery was botched up as he contracted MRSA in the hospital at the time of the surgery and they cut a nerve in his hip during another surgery. It is hard just to get him to use a walking stick. I think that he doesn't want to appear old... He's ninety this year. He rarely ever complains of aliments even though he has medical issues. Love him so much. Its a balance of giving him support while giving the impression that he doesn't really need it. All the while we both know he does.
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SoTired, does your father have enough remaining skills that he can drive the battery operated scooter in grocery stores and man caves? If so, those might be a compensating alternative. Shoppers tend to move aside when they see a scooter coming, so they're more alert and sensitive to the fact that someone who's driving one has some motor skills limitations.

If he can drive one, take him to Home Depot or Lowe's and just let him go up and down the aisles. Men seem to really like that. (I do too, but in the garden aisles!)
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Just one more comment, I found that it was important that in a VERY respectful way I took on a sort of parental role. Mom and Dad both needed reasurance that even though their /mobility was being restricted that I would move the world to help them. Its scarey losing your independance, along with your health and your mind. All the while being mostly aware that this is happening... I know I can't stop them from going through this but I do my best to soften the edges.
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Heres what I did. I told my father that I knew his license was no longer valid and that as a result I would be taking all of the sets of car keys (it was either me or I would have asked the police to do it to help us. He didnt know that though) We had several encounters that were loud, frustrating and hurtful for both of us. Ultimately I went to bed every night for the next month dreaming about being in his position. Suffice it to say, Mom took to visiting the neighbours as a way to get a break when he got frustrated over the situation. After another month I arranged with them to sell the car and once it was gone, the outward expressions of frustration lessened. There are still days when he asks if he should take the car to the store and pick up milk but thats because he periodically forgets its gone. Not an easy situation but I found that the sooner I took control and removed the car the faster they were able to adapt. Im not saying this is easy by any means, but to me it was like removing a bandaid, sometimes its better just to get it over with and do it quickly. I Don't know if this is helpful to anyone else but for me being very open and honest with what is going on (you may have to repeat these conversations in full, a number of times, until it registers) and for myself understanding the seven stages of grief really really help. For Mom give her a day off from Dad, take him out and let her relax. Or conversely if you have the family support, someone take Dad for the day and someone else take Mom out. We all need a break from time to time. Just my view of my world...
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Once your MD says you can't drive, your license is suspended. You have no right to drive. Ask your local police to intervene if you can't stop him.
It's always better to get the car off the premises as soon as possible. If he gets into a wreck, your parents lose everything.
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No much detail here...He's still driving with dementia and no license?! In any case, yes, get the keys and disable the care if necessary. You will not be able to reason with him due to the dementia. He may agree today not to drive and an hour later he's ready to hit the road. He may scream and yell but it has to be done.
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