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He demands things! So I have let him know when he does these type of commands to take control I will not respond however my wife does instead its making things worse enabling him.

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My FIL treats my SIL and like maids.. ( I used to think she was just bitching but since spending some time with him I see her point) No please or thank you, waits until things are put away then wants something. And yes he is mad that he is no longer 50.. but manners count in my opinion. He even bosses my 85 year old mother around! If he sees us sit down to eat.. he needs something else from the kitchen... I have no problem "waiting" on him, IF he uses manners . So my tactic is to say "please" or "thank you" to him when he demands something. At least he now says it to my Mom! Me and SIL.. not so much.. he pouts. not attractive in a 93 year old perfectly mentally intact man
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The reason to give him love and sympathy is because it will make him feel better and BEHAVE better, and maybe even thank you.
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"Dad, When you yell and demand like that, I don't feel much like doing what you want. If you want to talk in a normal voice, I'd be glad to help."

"What's that you say, Dad? Can you speak a little louder? Still can't hear you!"

"Dad, don't yell at my wife. I'm the only one who gets to yell at her."

Dad probably feels rotten, in pain, mad he can't do things for himself, powerless. You don't have to let him get away with it, but do remember that it comes from unhappiness. "Having a bad day? How about I get you a cup of coffee and you can tell me your troubles." Don't fight him. Be on his side. DO NOT EVER try to cheer him up by telling him he really has it pretty good.

Dad is not the person you knew. He isn't going to be your wise, powerful father. Let him know you are "obeying" out of love, not because he is yelling. He needs love and sympathy more than he ever did.
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It would help to know a little more about your dad and why he needs to live with someone. Could you give some examples of your wife's enabling behavior?

This sounds like a very difficult situation for you! When did Dad move in?
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What are your dad's impairments?
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