He doesn't want nursing home. He already has Meals on Wheels, but is very confused on day, time etc. Being evaluated by social worker from doctor's office, but want to be ready with ideas. Home companions? Nurse - visiting nurse? Any ideas welcome.
I am sorry to hear about your Dad. There are many in home care companies who can assist your father in staying home. I would suggest hallmarkhomecare/ddehaven. He is a local rep who can aid you in your search for in home nonmedical care.
If I knew my dad would change batters in smoke detectors in October (don't even know if that is the correct month anymore). I would have my husband do it in September in an effort to keep a step ahead of him.
You pick what to fuss over. I caught my FIL on a ladder, changing a light bulb on the outside of the house. Reminded him that he has a 6'6" grandson - we know he may fall, but there's only so many things you can do.
Ladders !! What is this need for very elderly men that makes them want to climb ladders? Any time I drive past my parents house and see a ladder up against the gutters I just cringe, but nothing I say will sway Dad not to do that. I think he feels he's the man of the house, and cleaning gutters is on his honey-do list... [sigh].
Oh well, maybe I should be glad my sig others doesn't know how to open a tool box, as he will be safe when he becomes much older :P
My dad did stupid stuff like that for the past 15 years and he doesn't have dementia. Think it was so hard to stop doing stuff for himself that he did his whole life. The thought that they could fall never evens enters their mind. in home care costs vs nursing home costs? What will make your dad the happiest? Give him a choice if you can. Good luck
zeldanvc, your Dad has the same lack of common sense as my Dad [also 93], when it comes to going out to get the mail in the snow or when it comes to shoveling. "Why shovel, Dad?" Dad would say "in case of an emergency we can get the car out of the garage". I said "if there is an emergency you dial 911, they have shovels".
This past Fall my Dad fell on the driveway, and my Mom didn't even know he was even outside. You would need someone at your Dad's house working 2 eight-hour shifts, and then some. Could your Dad afford to do that? My parents can but refuse to do so.
One thing I have noticed, if their doctor says DON'T DO SUCH & SUCH, that my parents are more apt to listen. Thus, tell the situation to your Dad's doctor, that there isn't anyone who can watch your Dad during the day [you work, whatever you do, don't quit], the doctor could write a note saying your Dad needs to be in a *retirement community* [don't call it assistant living or nursing home, folks from that generation have a different view of nursing homes then we do].
Thank you for all your suggestions. Dad is 93 and lives 2 min. from me. Waiting for social worker from doctor to evaluate him. He has the resources to stay in his house, though he will probably fight it. Just received a call from rescue squad and had to dash over there...in a foot of snow. He had gone outside to get the mail, "sweeping" a path and had toppled over in snow. A car driving by (luckily he lives on a main street) stopped and helped him into house and called 911. He was fine, but he knew I would be mad...which I was - am. I specifically told him not to go out and no shoveling, his response, I wasn't shoveling.......... No common sense!! I didn't have work and didn't go to my mailbox...ugh! If there was someone there it probably wouldn't have happened..lucky for him he is okay.
Persons with dementia nearly all reach a point where they cannot be left alone. Sometimes this occurs very early in the journey.
This need can be met either by bringing care professionals into the home, or moving the person with dementia in a care center. The care center may range from a group home to assisted living, to a nursing home, to a "memory care" unit of either an assisted living or nursing home facility.
My mother lived alone for many years as a widow. When she was diagnosed with "mild cognitive impairment" her family arranged for meals on wheels, housekeeping help, a visiting nurse, an automated pill dispenser, etc. These measures probably enabled her to live alone for an extra 4 years or so. As the MCI became dementia that was not enough support. She moved in with one of her daughters. That went well for a little over a year, but when she began to need attention around the clock that was just not feasible for one couple to provide in a private home. Mom, age 94, with dementia and mobility issues, is now doing very well in a Nursing Home.
At some point the level of care needed dictates the answers. It no longer can be about what the family or the loved one "wants" -- it has to be based on what is needed.
If Dad can afford 24-hour caregiving, then staying in his home is an option. If not, then it is not. Sorry, but that really is the reality.
Sounds like he needs to be in an assisted living facility with the option to step him up to memory care when the time comes. With you working two jobs, trying to manage his care at home will be a nightmare for you both. Get him the help that he needs, in a facility where he can be around other people during the day and professional staff (3 shifts) to manage his physical care. Then you can have a life too.
What does his doctor say his living circumstances should be?
Is it dad or you that does not want to consider a nursing home?
Do you have any siblings who can come together for a family meeting and make a plan for the immediate situation and the future or are you an only child?
Does he have the resources to pay for caregivers to help him at home? My dad has Alzheimer's and Parkinson's rather badly, but lives at home with three caregivers who are there 24/7.
I don't know how old you are or how close you are to your own retirement, but I would not suggest stopping work for you need to take care of yourself and your own retirement. Also, depending on how advanced his dementia is, at some point he will reach the point where he will need 24/7 care which is impossible for one person to do alone. Of those who try about 1/3 end up dead before who they are caring for died and the rest end up in poor health physically, mentally, and financially.
Oh well, maybe I should be glad my sig others doesn't know how to open a tool box, as he will be safe when he becomes much older :P
This past Fall my Dad fell on the driveway, and my Mom didn't even know he was even outside. You would need someone at your Dad's house working 2 eight-hour shifts, and then some. Could your Dad afford to do that? My parents can but refuse to do so.
One thing I have noticed, if their doctor says DON'T DO SUCH & SUCH, that my parents are more apt to listen. Thus, tell the situation to your Dad's doctor, that there isn't anyone who can watch your Dad during the day [you work, whatever you do, don't quit], the doctor could write a note saying your Dad needs to be in a *retirement community* [don't call it assistant living or nursing home, folks from that generation have a different view of nursing homes then we do].
This need can be met either by bringing care professionals into the home, or moving the person with dementia in a care center. The care center may range from a group home to assisted living, to a nursing home, to a "memory care" unit of either an assisted living or nursing home facility.
My mother lived alone for many years as a widow. When she was diagnosed with "mild cognitive impairment" her family arranged for meals on wheels, housekeeping help, a visiting nurse, an automated pill dispenser, etc. These measures probably enabled her to live alone for an extra 4 years or so. As the MCI became dementia that was not enough support. She moved in with one of her daughters. That went well for a little over a year, but when she began to need attention around the clock that was just not feasible for one couple to provide in a private home. Mom, age 94, with dementia and mobility issues, is now doing very well in a Nursing Home.
At some point the level of care needed dictates the answers. It no longer can be about what the family or the loved one "wants" -- it has to be based on what is needed.
If Dad can afford 24-hour caregiving, then staying in his home is an option. If not, then it is not. Sorry, but that really is the reality.
How advanced is his dementia?
What does his doctor say his living circumstances should be?
Is it dad or you that does not want to consider a nursing home?
Do you have any siblings who can come together for a family meeting and make a plan for the immediate situation and the future or are you an only child?
Does he have the resources to pay for caregivers to help him at home? My dad has Alzheimer's and Parkinson's rather badly, but lives at home with three caregivers who are there 24/7.
I don't know how old you are or how close you are to your own retirement, but I would not suggest stopping work for you need to take care of yourself and your own retirement. Also, depending on how advanced his dementia is, at some point he will reach the point where he will need 24/7 care which is impossible for one person to do alone. Of those who try about 1/3 end up dead before who they are caring for died and the rest end up in poor health physically, mentally, and financially.