Dad just passed a little over a week ago at age 79. I'm struggling and hoping to hear similar experiences.

I’m sorry for the loss of your beloved father. My dad was similar in some respects and not in others. He had no dementia, but did have congestive heart failure for a long time, and leg weakness that caused him to lose ground with any time in bed and walk with a slow, shuffling gait. Mentally fine but physically exhausted. During his last hospitalization, then rehab, a road we’d been down multiple times, dad stopped making progress or cooperating with therapy. Our family constantly encouraged him to “try harder” until it became clear he simply had no more “try” left. He was ready to leave this world. I know your dad left what felt more suddenly but I hope you won’t beat yourself up over the facts of what happened or what could have been different. Your dad had multiple health issues, something just added up to be too much, and he left exactly when he was meant to. I’m sure he well knew your love and care. Grief takes time, be kind to yourself. In time you’ll think of dad with more smiles than tears and healing will come. I still miss my sweet dad, but knowing how tired he was, I don’t wish him back. I remain grateful to have had him. I wish you comfort, healing, and peace

((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I'm very sorry for the loss of your dad.

Please don't regret the way you dealt with him. Of course you wanted to believe he would get well! But he had so many things wrong with him, and this was his time. Also, I believe that sometimes the medical team needs to be more realistic and tell us the truth - that with all these maladies, it's unlikely that our LO will be able to pull through.

Or, sometimes they do give us an idea but we don't accept that the situation is as dire as it is. This happened with my dad. A relative heard exactly the same things I did from dad's surgeon, and I came away with the impression that dad wasn't long for this world, but she heard something else entirely - that there was hope through chemo. What the doctor had said was that dad could try it, but the outcome was unlikely to be good because it would make dad so sick. She blanked that from her mind altogether and was completely surprised and angry when that's what happened.

So we all have ways to protect us psychologically. And overall, that's probably a good thing.

Your dad was very sick, and his end could have been drawn out and miserable for all of you. I hope you find peace in your heart in knowing that although he went fast, he was spared from the worst. Sending hugs.....

I am so sorry for the loss of your Dad. We are never ready for our parents to pass away. I too was unable to be there when my father passed unexpectedly(he had cancer, but it seemed to be in remission, and I had to return to work several states away). You have no reason to blame yourself. You loved your father and did the best you could with the information you had. There is no way you could have foreseen what was going to happen. You were a good daughter, I am sure he appreciated your pushing him to work toward a possible healing as a sign of love. You couldn't have done more. Give yourself time to grieve, try to talk to friends and possibly a counselor. I focused on my family and had friends who had been through similar experiences, even so it took a while. Look for support and try to be gentle to yourself. It is not easy, but you will get through eventually. A big hug to you.

My deepest and heartfelt condolences to you and your family. I know how it feels to lose your dad, specially after having hopes of his recuperation. Please know, you are NOT at fault!! I understand you are feeling guilty and thinking "If only I, or we had done something differently... " Sadly, though, it was his time, and if anyone could have done anything, it would have been the medical staff, doctors, nurses, because we, as caregivers, of our love ones become emotionally blinded by the realities of our parent's illness. You did everything in your power to protect him, loved and cared for him. I know the loss is difficult, sad, devastating, and to be honest, the feeling will not go away, not immediately at least, give your self time to mourn. Recall happy memories with your dad, the smile on his face, his laughter, his joy when he saw you... and you will cry, but the tears will be of gratitude for the time you had, and for your wonderful dad. I know you will remember him when you go out, any special place you visited together, everything will remind you of him, trust me, I know, I've lived it, and my dad is with me daily, in my heart, in my mind, and in every activity, every decision, because he was my best support, my best teacher, and my hero. My father was in dialysis, he only had one kidney. He was diagnosed with prostate cancer, his urologist caught it on time and treated it with what was available at the time. My dad loved life, he enjoyed his family around him. He did everything to take care of himself for us, for him, and he became a cancer survivor for over ten years, he did not die of cancer. When his kidneys started to fail, he was placed on dialysis, it got to a point where he had to be transported by ambulance to the dialysis center. He got some kind of stomach virus, he was over medicated, had incontinence, and he suffered having to see me change his diapers and clean him up. But I reassured him it was OK, I loved him and wanted him to get well. We often joked about his living to be 100 years old, he wanted to meet the challenge head on. Then one night, we had to rush him to the hospital, his symptoms were scary, I can't quite explain. Then it happened, the doctors asked us to sign a document to take him off dialysis, his only lifeline. They claimed his blood pressure was too low, but they also knew without the dialysis he would die, so what was it? what happened? "protocol"!? I don't know, I couldn't understand, my thoughts were cloudy, everything went dark! They brought five specialists to talk to the family and urged us to "sign the document" which would disconnect my father from dialysis, they nodded, it was the "best thing for him." Everyone agreed...I signed the paper, I went in and told my dad they would not give him dialysis, he knew, "there's so much left to be done" my dad said. I cried, I still cry when I think of it, I am crying as I write this response. The trauma, the guilt, the pain, the memory never goes away!! I carry it with me all the time. Was it my fault? Was there anything I could have done? I often wonder, but I will never know...Now I am caregiver to my 97 years old mother, she has beginning of Alzheimer's dementia, she insults me, tells me I have the devil in me, calls the police on me, then forgets, and denies what she has said and done. Fortunately, I have people around me who see, and know otherwise. The police observed and witnessed that she is well taken care of, that her needs are met, she has hygiene, the house is clean, she is well fed, they reassured me, comforted and supported me, but the condition is overwhelming, exhausting, very sad. I am 74 years old, I love life, have lovely children, friends, and activities I enjoy. I need respite from time to time and it doesn't always come when I needed it most. But I have faith, life goes on, and I thrive on the happy occasions, moments of lucidity she may have. I miss my dad, but I would not have wanted him to see my mom like this

I'm so sorry for your loss. I have an IBD and colitis and it severely weakens you when it is not in remission. IBD's typically cause severe weight loss. An IBD is really a tough disease to deal with at age 79. Your body loses strength. You don't want to eat or drink due to the colitis. When your body has active colitis nutrition is not uploaded into your cells. Food and drink simply goes right through the body without providing nourishment. IBD's are very very tough on those of all ages but particularly tough on seniors.

Your Dad was surrounded by the love of his family.

I'm sorry for your loss.

I don’t know. But I wake everyday & keep breathing.
Keep doing that. Keep reading & replying if it helps you.

Have you had a service or funeral yet? Some people find solace in contributing to that & having a nice ‘send off’.

I am so very sorry for your loss.
If it is any comfort at all, then know that a diabetic with all the other physical issues was amazing in living to almost 80.
I wouldn't feel sorry for encouraging Dad to get better. You were there for him and you say yourself he wasn't ready to give up so you were merely reinforcing what he already wanted.

Your father was a sick man. You should not feel guilty, he had a lot of health problems. As Alva says, retired RN, 79 is old for a diabetic.

My Dad died at 79. He had heart desease, diabetes and emphysema. He was taken off his blood thinner because he was bleeding internally. He was on blood thinners for 14 yrs. They will cause internal bleeding.

My cousins husband was in the hospital for bladder cancer. He was being discharged. Cousin walked out the door to do something when she came back he had died.

So sorry you lost Dad but be glad that you were able to be there for him.

Chris, I am so sorry for your loss.

May The Lord give you grieving mercies, strength, wisdom and comfort during this difficult time.