My Dad is scheduled to move into an Independent Living Facility in four days but has not been told yet. Any advice?

simone56, curious how did the move work out for your father, since he has been in his new home for over a month?

I'm not sure what if any dementia he has, but if he does have that, then i would offer the place as additional rehab that is necessary to getting it better. They help with nutrition, meds and physical therapy. I might suggest that this will help him gain his strength. That worked for my LO entering AL. She agreed to the Rehab idea and now is doing fine.

I would just talk in vague terms of him going to rehab when he leaves where he is, but not any certain time. Then I would tell him it's time to go to rehab as he is getting dressed to go. I made the mistake of thinking my LO needed time to adjust to the idea and told her the night before. Big mistake. She worried all night and then said she was too sick to go the next morning. I had to insist we go even though she was sick and it almost fell through. Therefore, I would give too much advance notice, as it may backfire.

Does the independent center offer rehab? If so, then he is going for "more rehab".

'YES, I HAVE AN ANSWER"......ASAP, arrange for your dad's assets to be made the responsibility of an independent trustee. When "managing" your father is not colored by your personal prospective disposable income, you will see his "ADL" issues with much more clarity. Presumed to be accepted with disdain....but deep down...well you know! PS. I own and operate several ILF/ALF facilities. Don't be too hard on yourself, as well more than half of the "attentive adult children" carry the same conflicted burden as you. I know, it's hard to feel safe in the modern economy and "II" (Imminent Inheritor) is indeed a comforting state, but....

shakingdustoff: like I have said before we are in extremely similar situations. My brother organized the POA seven years ago and told me I was his healthcare POA. My Dad did not understand what it meant and neither did I. My brother can take over my Dad's whole life...it is scary since he has had no interest in so many years. I wish I knew what is meant by competency because I think my Dad is competent. I have been told by friends when they have a had a parent in rehab they were confused at times too. When they got home they improved.
My Dad is excited about going home and he will soon find out that is never going to happen. He will be shocked but I hope it will not take a long time for him to adjust. He will be 87 in October so he needs to enjoy whatever time he has left. He has been so down since being in rehab.

In Independent Living he'll be able to socialize with other people living in the facility. So he won't be alone until it's time to go to bed, unless he chooses to be. He can be out in the common area where there's typically TVs and often activities throughout the day and into the evening.

You may find that your dad perks up being around other people throughout the day and at meals and activities. You can still visit him as often as you wish and stay with him as long as you like. He'll probably be more supported in a facility than he would be at home. My mom is in independent living and wears a call pendant in case anything happens. I have aids come in 2X a day to give her meds. She can be as involved with others as she wants to be.

You know your dad and whether telling him ahead of time would unduly upset him. My mom is at a place where I don't tell her ahead of time if we're going out, or she gets all fussed up. So each situation is different.

Ktr919, small facilities usually have a pretty good reputation and excellent care due to close supervision. From what you have posted before, Dad is not capable of doing PT and needs meds to calm him down. When you take a patient back home like this, they don't even recognize their own home. He is in the safest possible place. He will continue to look forward to your visits, but don't even mention going anywhere, make him happy where he is. Be proud of all you have done for him, we know it is not an easy job, and relatives often fail to see that.

For the most part is mind is there but since he has been in Rehab his confusion especially at night. My brother has made all of the arrangements because he organized years ago to be his POA - health care. They have a separate home care company that assist with residents and a price. They are not one one they have six other residents at a time to attend to. I think he should know he is not going home. For him to have to live in an apartment by himself is going to be devastating. I am very worried for him. I think it will really mess him up physically and mentally. I hear some people will deteriate fast and others learn to adjust.

Do you mean Assisted Living? Independent Living usually does not have any help on site. If he does not know, I suspect the discharge coordinator had to work with someone else to make the arrangements. They had to have a good reason to skip him and work with the Health Care Proxy. Plus someone had to sign papers at the new facility if Dad was unable to. These things are not taken lightly, there has to be substantial evidence Dad can't do this himself. Try to understand and get more of the details.

Yes, unless he has dementia he makes the decisions. How can there be any trust wihout honesty?