Dad & Mom are both 87. Mom has dementia and it is getting progressively worse. It is too much for my dad. He cooks for her and gives her meds. He is at a loss for what to do. I work full time. And even if I could spend 24/7 taking care of my mom, I know I couldn't do it. She is very needy. I was with her for 3 straight days to give my dad a break and I am so totally exhausted. My question do I separate a couple who has been together for 64 years. I do not have health care POA or a durable POA yet. Should I get those tools and use that to separate them?

my sister and I put my mom and dad in assisted living in 2011. my dad was pretty far along in dementia ..and my mom wasn't as bad. the home they lived in was empty for 3 years. only because I worked and there wasn't enough time in the day to accomplish anything after work. my dad died at 92 in 2015. my mom is almost 89 and still in the same AL apartment. her memory has got *worse* since 2011.  I see couples all the time in their AL. i cant say its true for other AL, cause i just don't know. So if your dad is willing to join mom it may make it a lot easier for your mom. if i had put my dad in AL and left mom at the family home, they would have both been ~so~ confused. (this is just in our case from my experience) but my mom needed help too...there was no way i was going to allow her to live alone in family home by herself.
edit i had to take off 5 weeks (i think that was the most i could get off for family emergency) to take over everything POA/TTEE and to make the actual moving of furniture - clothing etc. - and we did it all without mom and dad knowing ahead of time.
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Reply to wally003

The care of mom has become too much for dad. Find memory care for mom and allow dad to return to his loving husband role.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to gladimhere

Do some research in your area and see if there are assisted living facilities in your area that accept married couples.

You will probably need POA to sign Mom into a facility so it’s a good idea to have it.
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Reply to Ahmijoy

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