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Dad had surgery recently to fix what he tells me is an issue with his bladder and peeing (penial implant?) So now he is missing the toilet. Probably has something to do with his weight (I am sure cant see it). At first it was dribbles in front of the toilet, now it is puddles. Last night I came home and thought the toilet was leaking there was so much and on the lid (how did that happen)? This is new territory for me to talk with him about these issues. I have been dealing with the living together issues for 3 years now this. Do I just come out and say it? I am not chicken it is just an uncomfortable conversation. My wife and I are tired of cleaning the downstairs bathroom every time. I can't even imagine the hall bath our daughter and her husband use with him (we dont clean that one).

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I had the same issue with my husband. He is also a big man and has a retracted penis. In addition, he often had explosions while on the toilet and I was faced with scrubbing toilet, floor AND walls. He ruined two floors by missing the toilet. Now he is resigned to his incontinence and also bedridden, so I am charged with changing him and cleaning him up. I pick up on a lot of frustration and anger in your post. I know exactly how you feel because I feel the same way. I get up each morning with the thought that I hate my life. Therapy has been recommended by my doctor and I'm going for it. Is Assisted Living a possibility for you? It's not possible for us.
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"Dad is still in control of his directives". I'm not sure I know what that means, TG.

As my mother got older, it was clear to all of us that she was not taking in what the doctor was telling her; she was hearing what she THOUGHT she was going to hear. It wasn't a matter of "Mom, I'm going to tell the doctor what you're going to do". It was "Mom, I think we need to figure out TOGETHER what the doctor is saying and then talk over what you think the best course of action is".

She was making decisions based on inaccurate information and it was frustrating to her, to the doctor and to us. Us kids were all her health care proxies and when we'd call the doctor to discuss stuff, he was on a whole different page.

I think it really behooves you to say to your dad "I'd like to help you figure out how you can stop peeing on the floor; it must be really embarrassing for you". 

Direct, assertive, confident and authoritative discussions don't need to be arguments or confrontations.  I'm not sure that anyone in your family realizes that. 
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Dad doesn't want me tagging along to his Dr. He is still in control of his directives. He wasn't too happy with me talking about his falling asleep in the driveway after going across town. Now he needs another sleep study. He did go to the sleep Dr (my Dr.) See if that works. He threw his cpap out a few years ago. I am on one EVERYNIGHT. They work.
Will see, Even when I do talk face to face it works for a little time but then he goes back to the original issue. I am just so stressed with everything here, it is starting to affect me. Apparently it has not been better the past few days my wife has been cleaning the bathroom right after he goes in. Have to talk to him today. Face to face I guess.
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http://www.coloplastmenshealth.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/M2308N_iPad_edit.pdf

So, TG, there is a LOT of information online about various "penile implant" procedures that address urinary issues. My husband is having some issues right now and is seeing a urologist, so I'm kinda knee deep in information.

The thing is, knowledge is power. So, can you have a talk with your father about what the procedure he had done, what the followup is and whether this is having an effect on his peeing on the floor?

It's kind of beyond me that your approach is "I think maybe he heard me last night"; have you not learned that the direct approach to communication is better in the long run?

I will say, probably repeating myself, that you or someone should be accompanying him to his doctor visits to get accurate information, since from what you've posted in the past, he's having some cognitive/mental health issues that prevent him from being open with you.
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Not really I haven't been able to and he isn't so open about it. He said it was an implant to help with his peeing, the doctors weren't wanting to talk about it since I kind of got it out in the open but everyone was keeping their mouths closed and pretty much I was ticked. Now his problem is my problem....... Last night he didn't make a mess, maybe he heard me complaining about it. We will see what today brings.
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What kind of surgery did he have, TG? What did he doctor/surgeon say would be the Result? Was the surgery to fix something that was amiss/prostate issue/cancer? It really pays to know what exactly is going on before you address the issue with dad.

I seem to recall you blew up at the time of the surgery because you thought was something and turned pout to be something else? We're you able to follow up?
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Just came home after errands and the same, "clean up isle 3"... its getting Ike groundhog day. I know what I have is minute compared to everyone else but the man can't seems to even hit the toilet now...
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He waits for the fairies to do everything! I will have the conversation tonight when I get back. Tired of cleaning after him and everyone else. My wife has become compulsive with cleaning every time we come home. He will have to realize it has to be this way or I will hand him the Clorox and the towels. I did put chair height toilets in 2 of the bathrooms (for us), still no avail! He leaves a trail where every he goes...... Mom used to put up with it, me? Not so much!
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Just be blunt. I got so tired of keeping on eye out for my father using our bathroom at family gathering because I would have to run in there with a Haz Mat suit to clean up whatever messes he made. My father has always been a big child and just assumes fairies clean up after him. I'm not my mother and I refuse to do that. I call him out each and every time. It may not cure the problem but it sure does lessen the occurrances.
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I've got to say that your past record in getting your father to listen and comply with your requests isn't very good, you had better start thinking about what you will do if he continues this after you have had the conversation.
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tgengine, time for Dad to sit down while using the toilet. He may grumble that only a female would sit down... [sigh]. One time in my office there were two younger men who came for a meeting, who were in their early 40's, very tall, who play basketball in college and now as a hobby... I over heard them talking how it is much easier to sit down to use the toilet then stand up, much easier on their backs.

I know what my late Mom would have done. She would have handed the cleaning supplies to Dad for him to do the cleaning. She did that when Dad was refusing to use Depend type garments. Mom was in her 90's and getting down to clean the floor wasn't easy for her any more, but Dad [also in his 90's] still could do the bending as proof from him working in the flower beds. After Dad did a couple of cleanings, I noticed Mom had written Depends for Dad on her grocery list :)

My parents also replaced their toilets with the taller ones to make it easier to stand up afterwards.  If there is a weight issue, a different toilet bowl seat with a cut out in front, or replace the toilet with an elongated style.
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I don't think there is any way to tackle this without coming right out and saying it exactly as you have written it here, it's a common enough problem in older men.
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