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My mom died this past June. While she had suffered from COPD for many years, my dad and I were both surprised when she decided to stop fighting it. She died within a few days in a hospice house. Now my dad is alone, living in an assisted living facility. Either me or my husband visits daily plus we bring him to our home to visit and just hang out. I've noticed that the last few days he hasn't gotten dressed. They bring him meals even though they stress how important it is to get up and out. He takes OxyContin every eight hours to control pain but he only wants to sleep. Just two weeks ago, taking the same meds, he was able to get up daily and wheeled himself all about the facility. Just now he told me he couldn't come over for dinner tonight. We even told him we'd like him to come live with us but he said no. He does take antidepressants but it seems as if he has given up now that my mom is gone. I would like advice on how to handle this and what to say to him. Thanks

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I am sorry your dad had to go through all this. I would strongly advice you to discuss the matter with the caretakers at AL. Try to keep him occupied with some soothing as well fun activities. Try not to let him be alone.
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Right, Windy, sometimes life isn't wonderful at all.
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Your dad's reaction may just be a delayed reaction to the loss of his wife, if you're saying your mom died two months ago. He's certainly still in the grieving process.

My mom doesn't get dressed ANY days except when I come over to shower her or take her out. But she's mentally OK, i.e. not depressed. Sometimes I have to insist with her. She'll say, "Oh I don't feel good" or "I'm tired" and I'll just persist and get her up and out. She always feels better afterwards and says so. Without more information from you about your dad's age and general state, it's hard to say whether this is the beginning of the end for him or just a part of his very understandable grieving process.

Does he get to talk about your mom to anyone? Share how he feels about her loss? I would think that would be important, since men typically bottle that stuff up. It helps anyone to be able to share that with another human being. Does your dad have any friends who can visit him in AL?
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Sorry, accidentally hit post. My Mom has talked about death and even hinted at suicide. I used to freak and tell how wonderful life is, remind her of the grandkids etc. Well, sometimes life isn't wonderful. When Mom does this now I stay calm and tell her I'll support any decision she makes.

You may cheer him up, get him to want to live or you may not. I think sometimes people recognize the lack of any quality of life.
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It would be helpful to have more info on Dad. Age, medical or dementia issues etc. it could very we be that he has lost the will to live but it's hard to say what, if anything might be done without some information.

I will tell you this from my own experience with my Mom. She has talked about
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