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Some of us work full time and some of us live between 1 and one half hours away. They say that we are abandoning him and that they cannot leave him alone at the nursing home. We come as often as we can. Is there any need to have someone there for the 5 to 6 hours they are there and then stay maybe another 2 each day? This is causing so much anger within the family at a time when stress for all is abundant.

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Hi Darae, please don't feel guilty. Aging parents and dementia, end-of-life care is so difficult and there isn't a one-answer-fits-all solution. But please don't feel guilty. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate already. If your dad is in a decent facility and is comfortable and clean, ask yourself what you would expect of your kids in this situation. Setting the routine for him to expect family to be with him around the clock is unreasonable in my eyes, but I can understand the fear your siblings have of leaving him alone - to a degree. The guilt of feeling like you are abandoning him can be overwhelming -- but it is likely mis-placed guilt brought on by the feeling of being powerless to help him, and being unable to 'fix' it.

You can't abandon your life and responsibilities. I think a three hour round trip drive is a bit much to expect you to do more than a couple times a month in your situation. Given your circumstances, you are doing what you can and should be thanked and not be made to feel guilty. If it is financially possible you might look into hiring someone privately who is local to him a couple times a week to sit with him if that would make your siblings less judgmental and fill in the gaps they seem to feel are yours.
Don't be so hard on yourself. Raising grandkids while holding down a job is quite an accomplishment. Pat yourself on the back for me.
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That's a little weird. I'm sure the nursing home will become annoyed with them pretty soon and suggest they not stay as long. Why don't they just take care of him at home? It is your 2 sisters' obsession, not yours. Do your own thing with your grand kids and your full time job. That's more than enough !! No worries :) xo
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For myself it is availabilty...I am 62 working full time living one and one half hr. away from my dad along with my husband trying to raise 2 young grandchildren. It is not that I choose not to visit because if I was not in this situation I would be there probably each day or maybe every other day for a short time. I try to come every other Saturday for the afternoon. Should I feel as guilty as I do for not being there more often.
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Your sisters are choosing to spend time with your father. You and the other siblings choose not to do so. It's as simple as that. Where he is in a nursing home it is not imperative nor necessary for family members to be with him...but for for those of you who desire to comfort your parent (like me), choosing to spend time with them is a loving and selfless act.

The bigger issue is: are there any unresolved issues in your family?
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