Dad's in hospice and my son and I have committed to a trip two years ago, should I go or stay with my Dad?

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I have had a father/son trip planned with my son for two years. It is one of those waiting list adventure trips that can not be rescheduled. My Dad has had several major medical events over the last year and a half. I have spent most weekends with him and taken 20 sick days since January. I have no regrets. My Dad is my best friend and my hero, and I would and will do anything for him.

This father/son trip is quickly approaching. My son says I should stay and my Dad says I should go. Most people have said they would stay. I am torn. I am afraid to leave my Dad and I am afraid to not go with my son. I will be a bad son or a bad dad in this process. Many have given advice, but few have been in this position. My gut says stay.

Any advice would be appreciated.

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I wonder if he ever went on the trip with his son....
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Thank you to all of you who were kind enough to take time out of your life to write these kind words of encouragement. I have been agonizing on whether or not to take a trip I planned a year ago, as my mom has been rapidly declining. All of your words very much resonated with me, and helped me to decide. My mom has said do not put your life on hold waiting for my death, go live it. Hearing those same sentiments from these posts really helped. Thank you
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I thought of that same question, BoniChak. This is a thoughtful, compassionate family of men. God Bless them, all 3 generations:)
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If it was the future...and your son had this dilemma...what would you want HIM to do?
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Go on the trip. Best wishes.
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I was faced with a similar decision when my mom was dying. I chose to cancel the planned trip. My mother lived another 6 months. I have never regretted my decision. It was important for me to be there in the end, but it was even more important to be there when she was alive and needed me the most.

My advise is to use this opportunity to teach your some about family and life. You can do another special thing with your son that does not entail a trip. You can save the trip for another time.
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Sorry you are facing such a tough call. As others have mentioned, there are several factors we don't know, such as whether they think death is imminent,how long your trip is, etc. If you can truly say you will be at peace if your dad dies while you're gone, I would say go (and I personally think you should be at peace with that, but you are the only person who can determine that). But your comment about your gut makes me think you are not at peace with that. But the main thing I want to say is that you are not going to be a bad son or a bad dad no matter what you do. Your son and your father have both told you that. You sound like a wonderfully loving family. I am sorry your dad will be passing on soon. My mom did so a year ago next Saturday, and it's very hard. I know it may not feel like it, but you really cannot make the wrong decision here. If you go and dad dies, try not to beat yourself up for not being there. He knows you love him. Not being there the day he leaves in no way negates that. If you stay, you and your son can go in a couple of more years maybe, or if not, your son knows you love him. Not going on the trip won't negate that. There's no easy way to get through this time. This cycle of life stuff sucks, as far as I'm concerned. I am glad you have loving family to ease it as much as is possible.
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Why is your gut telling you to stay? Do you think by staying you will prolong your Father's death? No, it is out of your control. You don't know when it will occur--do you? You don't know what will happen tomorrow with your son, with you, with anyone.
I would listen to YOUR DAD. He is the one you have been sacrificing for, and your son is gracious about the sacrifice. Please, Honor your Father and Reward your Son: take the trip. It will be more special than you can imagine. God Bless you All.
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What selfless people these parents are. I am so touched. As a parent I would want my daughters to go. If I die, I die. Doesn't matter. What we have between us from the many years of love and care matter more than sitting by my side at the last moment. Go. Make your Dad happy. You are so lucky.
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I have been hesitant to make long-range vacation plans for a number years because of my elderly parents. When my son announced plans to marry out of the country my husband and I went ahead and made plans to go to the wedding. In the back of my mind I knew something was going to happen and it did ... several days before we were to leave my dad, who was the primary caregiver for my mother, fell and broke his hip. He required surgery and is still in a rehab facility. I questioned whether I should go on the trip and to my son's wedding. The wise advice I got from this forum really helped and I followed the advice and went on the trip, celebrated my son's wedding and had a wonderful time. I bought a international calling plan so I could talk to Dad every day, which helped. Also helping the situation was the fact that my brother was able to be with my parents and take of things while I was away. I went when I returned and have just returned from another trip (they are 6 hours away). Do you have someone who can be there and check on your dad while you are away? Your dad is telling you to go and you should really consider what he says. My dad, too, told me to go. I think he would have felt bad if we had canceled our plans because of him.
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