Dad has Alzheimer's. My mom just died unexpectedly. He cannot live by himself. I tried to bring him to my house to live. He hit my son with a spoon, playing, but it upset him. He sits on the couch and wishes for death in front of the kids, and he fell twice on my stairs. I don't think it would work. So I looked at a memory care facility. They happened to have a room so I took it. I thought he would like being around people and the activities. He hates it. He said "there's too many old people and all they do is stare." The group in memory care is much farther gone into the disease. My dad is confused, can't remember to have a meal, needs prompting to change clothes and shower correctly. But he is still fairly conversational. The people in his unit are not like him at all. He hates it. He is really more suited for AL but they won't let him over there because of his confusion. I guess I'm going to look at other facilities to see if they have a group more suited to his state right now. Has anyone else had this problem? Did you switch facilities and find better group? Or all they all pretty much the same? I wonder if I put him in too soon. But mom died and he's not good with my kids noise and ruckus anymore and the stairs and all that and I don't know what to do. Home health care won't work because of the overnight. He is scared to be alone. Are some memory care units not as far gone?
Mthr was higher functioning than almost every one of the other patients when she entered memory care. She even went to one of the nursing continuing education classes that was held for staff and passed the credit test! Yet she had no idea where she was or what day it was - and she hated the facility. We turned her into a helper there, so she was to watch these other ladies and make sure they received their insulin correctly. Perhaps you could find a "job" your dad could do to be an integral part of his new living situation.
Encourage him to talk to others, if they are staring at him they know he is there. People are so adverse to starting conversations and it creates wrong perceptions.
Can you bring in something fun and interesting to get others to engage? Then starting introducing everyone around to each other? Ask about there story in some way? Bring a couple snacks and share, with dad as the host?
The hardest thing to learn is that we can't make our parents happy and let that expectation go.
It will sort out, keep the faith.
My mom was kicked out of a memory care facility. She was a danger to herself and others. She had a private caregiver that was with her as necessary over a period of a year and nine months. That became very expensive as that cost was in addition to memory care. Mom's agitation was absolutely unmanageable. Going home was not an option, it had been sold. Mom was on hospice at the time and they recommended/suggested a care home. A much smaller facility, a higher level of care, lower caregiver/resident ratio. And imagine, all residents in that home had been kicked out of their previous facility! The care home was less expensive which was a bonus.
They provided very good care for mom and would have been better for her from the very beginning. Mom's agitation? Where did it come from? She was always ready to fly off the handle. Maybe she was undiagnosed bipolar? She was definitely narcissistic. Had a history of depression. Stepdad had passed four months before mom was kicked out. Mom with Alzheimer's was far past being able to remember or understand a death. Maybe she was grieving and just knew something was off. Who knows. see less
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