My Dad has temper tantrums all the time and Mom was just diagnosed with stage 3 cervical cancer. Any advice handling this?

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He does not want me helping with her. He is 91 years old and we think he has dementia or Alzheimer's. My Mom does not need to deal with his anger right now. He has gotten mad at me and now won't even talk to me. She is starting treatment this next week and I need to be able to help her through all this.

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try giving her either ensure (they have so many different flavors) or boost. I am sure there are also other nutritional drinks that will help her since not getting any food. God bless you with the strength to help those that need it.
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One day we will have a magic cancer wand. Until then, the radiation "sources" come pretty close. Radiation oncology is so advanced now. I hope they are able to locate any pocket of the cancer and zap it out of existence. I know that it is going to be difficult for your mother. I wish that she could eat. Having good nutrition would help her recovery so much. I wonder if some of the nurses on the group might have some ideas on supplying nutrition to someone who is not eating.
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Thank you all for your responses. I wasn't sure where to go to reply to each of you so hopefully you all will see it. My Stepdad finally talked to me about the incident. He thinks I was yelling at him, which I never did. The more time I spend with him through all this this more it is confirmed that his memory too is really impaired. I have spoken with the assisted living staff in the retirement community where they live and they will be setting up his doctor's appointments. He keeps saying that he will not be doing anything to take care of himself until he has Mom taken care of.

Mom's cervical cancer is a stage IIIB and she is 84 years old. It has killed her appetite, that is the only symptom that she has had, and she has not eaten real food in a month. We met with the radiologist today and now her first treatment is bumped to April 7th. That's almost 2 more weeks without eating. We will just have to take one day at a time. They can't do surgery because of how the cancer has spread. I so appreciate all your good wishes and thoughts. I wish I had a magic wand...
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I have to differ here. The survival rate for cervical cancer is excellent until late stage (4), when it has metastasized to other areas of the body. Stage 3 cancer means it has only spread locally, so removal of the cancer by surgery should have good results and an excellent chance of survival for at least a few years. I don't know if the doctors will want to do any follow-up treatment. I am sure it would depend on the age, health, and wishes of your mother. I would definitely let her rehab away from your father to help her avoid stress.
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My first patient as a nursing student had cervical cancer and I sure hope her treatments will help. However, cervical cancer's survival rate is about 2% because it is so hard to detect because there are usually no symptoms. Your father probably has some dementia at 91 yrs. and could use a professional assessments of his memory capabilities. The anger can be medicated since parts of his brain are probably not getting the adequate brain messengers in order to think correctly. Keep hanging in there and helping. It will be a bumpy road ahead, but you can get through it. God bless you for being there for them.
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Are the doctors planning a historectomy for your mother? If so, maybe she can go to a rehab facility after the surgery so she can concentrate on recovery, instead of pacifying your father. She won't need to put up with his temper after having surgery. It could stress her out too much.

I don't know what to do about your father until he is willing to receive help. Right now I would just concentrate on Mom and worry about Dad later.
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You just go ahead and help. My Dad has angry dementia. He's had it for years but we didn't know. We just thought that was the way he was. And my mother didn't deserve it either. I know exactly how you feel. He is 87, now in a nursing home, which made him even angrier. He has to be on so many anti mood medications to get him to be civil and unfortunately, makes him sleep most of the time but the alternative is very ugly. Sounds like your Dad needs an evaluation and some meds.

The hard part is getting him to the doctor's to evaluate him. Do you think you can do that? Let us know how you are doing.
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Explain the situation to his doctor and ask for an anxiolytic medication. He is angry at the cancer, but cannot manage his emotions. Assuming your mother is the same age, I don't expect her treatments will be aggressive, probably more palliative than anything. If you need in home help, the MD is the one who orders it. Don't be afraid to ask him to do that.
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