My Dad has dementia and thinks that I'm after his money which is not true. Any advice?


I am the scapegoat child in a dysfunctional family. He drew up a will leaving his six children equal amounts but I don't get along with a few of my greedy siblings and don't trust them. I plan on leaving the state soon and feel that a lot of manipulation will go on to manipulate his paranoid feelings about me. My sister already took my mother's wedding ring when she died in the hospital--without asking permission from my father--she does things like that A LOT. How do I prevent my sister from taking everything but the kitchen sink while living I'm out of state....when the cats away the crazy siblings come into play and my sister was always the golden child who could do no wrong in my father's eyes. My sister did nothing to help my mother when she was ill during the past five years, except to stop in to see if she was still alive. Several of my siblings barely called--but I know they will come running to grab what they can when the time comes. I don't want any property but I do want to be treated fairly. I'm afraid that my sister will manipulate her way into my father's savings account under the guise of "caring for."her. She had tried to get my mother to come and live with her even though she works and could not possibly have care for my ailing mother while she was alive. Please advise as to formal procedures I can take or proactive measures I can take to protect my father from a few of his scheming children, while he is in a confused state of mind. P.S. My father has suffered from manic depression all of his life and was verbally and physically abusive to me during my childhood.

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hello fed up scapegoat.. i see you have a post from 2 years ago very similar to me (another lifelong abused scapegoat with a golden child N sister) how did everything work out?? please advise
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One of my sisters was appointed POA and she is a good person but a real pushover. She can be easily manipulated simply because she doesn't like confrontation. She is a weak person who had a nervous breakdown years ago so I'm not even sure she is a good person for that role.
At this point, there is nothing in my father's house that I want. They can have it all. I moved out of state so I could get on with my life in peace. My issue is that I am afraid that my sister will start doing shady things like transferring money out of my father's bank account since the only person minding the store is my weak sister. We are all supposed to share everything equally when he is gone, but she is a greedy person who lives high above her salary. We are all named on all of the bank accounts when Dad dies, and on the house, but since my sister is the only person living in-state--other than my weak sister, I am afraid that she will run wild and pull all kinds of shady deals. She has tried to do a number of wily things before and I've seen her fleece her 3 ex-husbands of their money.
We are talking a substantial amount of money here--close to a million in total assets. All I want is for everyone to honor the will and respect my father's wishes. With all of his flaws, he is trying to be fair in the end....but my sister makes her own rules and will try to take control if she can. I am wondering if there is a way to protect my father and my siblings from possible abuse if my father gets really sick and my sister steps in and move him into her house or tries to manage his money.
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What is there in your father's house that you might want while you're out of state? And is it worth continuing to be involved in so much conflict and apparently backhanded action by your siblings?

Given the family dynamics, the abuse from your father, and your concern about backhanded actions during your absence, I think I would be glad that someone else will be responsible for taking care of him and let them have what they want. You can get some peace.

As you described the situation, I don't know how you could protect him while you're away, other than as Pam suggests, especially since you're stating that he hasn't treated you with respect. Given that, why would he change and rely on your efforts now?

Your profile states that your father has dementia; that will complicate creating directive documentation, although you wrote that he does have a will.

You don't mention the reason for leaving and when you expect to return, but I get the impression that you do expect to come back to TN eventually. May I inquire why? If you're going out of state for college or career, I would make that my new life's starting point, and don't look back.

I would leave with a big sigh of relief that you have an escape route; so many posters here write about similar situations but are trapped in the caregiving role and have no apparent means of escape (and in some cases that's what it is).
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Does anyone have any plans for caring for Dad? Did he appoint a POA or a Health Care Proxy? Does he need a Social Worker to come and check on him?
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