Dad (75) has Dementia. Recent heart and lack of oxygen has worsened his condition. I brought him back home after weeks in hospital. Advice?

He had a heart attack or another episode which then he had a defibrillator put in (dr got approval from him ) at the time no one was certain about dementia diagnosis other than me!!! So a treat,ent plan was formed after 3.5 weeks and he was sent home where I moved in....Sadler after 3 days of no sleep and his bizarre behavior I drove him back to the ER. HE then spent another 3 weeks in hospital where testing ect began as he had changed about 75% in memory and confused agitated behaviors. Sleeping 2 hrs also having a person with him around the clock. I then got the call he was fine to go. And located this amazing care home. Sadly that lasted 3 days as his night and afternoon behavior got extreme .... after 10 calls again to doctors, psychologists and caseworkers he is back in hospital. Because of covid ect beds for LTC are very limited and he is a VA member they have been able to keep him in a hospital setting for now. He is a candidate now for a special assessment home for a few weeks they specialize in demensia and elderly with medications ..I’m praying this will lead to a suitable home for him. Of course I don’t want to keep moving him but at this time there is no one else to care for him it is way to dangerous and difficult so I guess I’m grateful for the hospital. Thanks for your note

I can imagine you dreading nighttime and an inevitable call from the NH--dad's up to something...

Having him checked for the dreaded UTI is wise, always as a first line.

Secondly, medication for the anxiety that seems to come with Sundowners. He'll sleep better and feel better during the day.

Constantly having to move him to a new facility would be awful. Hopefully with the first 2 lines of defense will settle him down.

It sounds like sundowning. Has the care home talked to you about this phenomenon? If not, it probably is not a safe place for him, unknowledgable caregivers can cause problems.

Please talk to the hospital about ruling out any type of infection and getting some medications on board for sundowning. He will do better not having a nightly melt down from this very difficult situation.

I would interview other small facilities near you and ask how they deal with sundowning, but get yourself educated 1st, a good facility will have a plan for dealing with this behavior.

Great big warm hug! I know how difficult this situation is for you, be sure and take care of you while you are dealing with this, it is to easy for you to be totally consumed by it. Get rest, eat well and take breaks that feel like you are getting a break.

I think your last word says it all. Heartbreaking. But the fact is that it is a fact of life. Do you know the expression "Not everything can be fixed". This is the time we come to know that to our very souls. Not everything can be made perfect. There are severe limitations in every direction. You are doing the best you can. You cannot sacrifice your own life. Find the best placement you can for the assets that are there and do the best you can to visit and "be there". But there is no perfect answer and the search for one? Well, that way madness awaits. It can't be done.

Charlene63, it is not unusual for someone who has spent weeks in a hospital to become confused when moved to a new place, be it to home or a senior living complex.

Curious why your Dad had spent weeks in a hospital? Has your Dad been tested for an Urinary Tract Infection? Such an infection can mimic dementia.