I took away my dad's keys and sold his car to his brother for $1. His brother was poor and REALLY needed a better vehicle. My father had multi-infarct dementia after several small strokes and was starting to get "lost" when driving to familiar places, forgetting to fill the gas tank, etc. He was becoming a danger to himself and others.
If a person is "impaired" as a driver, be it from alcohol or dementia, the keys need to be taken away and hidden. Otherwise, they will get behind the wheel and kill somebody.
I'd speak with his doctor & have the doc speak with him. Be prepared to 'disable' the car or hid the keys. It can be very difficult for some to admit they need to stop driving. With the dementia, he doesn't realize he is no longer able. Make sure he's not isolated, he can be picked up by the local senior transportation and go to the senior center or you may want to look into an adult medical day care program. They do a fantastic job, he can socialize, participate in a variety of activities and eat a meal. They have a nurse on staff that can monitor him. Our local one also make arrangements for the hospital to come in monthly and do blood drawls for lab work which was really nice. He may not understand the need to not drive, but he would, if in his 'right' mind not want to cause an accident that hurts others. I understand not wanting to give up that independence, my grandfather gave up driving on his own. I wish everyone would do that. good luck.
Just take the keys, no amount of reasoning is going to convince them and the games just prolong the issue. It is difficult, but if you are their caregiver, just another difficult chore that you must do to protect them and the other drivers on the roads. My LO continues to think that he should be allowed to drive (and he is not even able to walk on his own). Just last evening he told me that he was not happy with me because I took the keys away from him (and that was two years ago) I just told him that I was not happy about his poor health forcing me to do that, but that the DMV and the general public were happy that he was not driving and did he want some ice cream. He told me - screw you about the driving and yes please on the ice cream.
It took my dad going into a nursing home. He is 91, can't walk on his own, has dementia, bone cancer. He still wants his car....he thinks he will drive again...taken to a dealer for repairs and he has zero funds. It's a 1989 olds and we pay storage every month. Once dad is mentally gone....which will happen...I will sell it for scrap. Until then, I let him dream and I keep the car keys.
I don't know if this will help, but when my mom couldn't drive anymore (physical abilities were diminished), she still had her license, car, and keys. In her mind, she could do anything. She wanted to drive, so I told her that the registry requires that you take a re-test if you haven't driven in a while. She told me she didn't want to take a test. I told her that it was o.k., but there were a lot more people on the road now (she was also in the early stages of dementia). I asked her if she would like to go with me to "practice" since it had been a while. She said that she would drive when she was ready. Well, to make a long story short, she never drove again, and it was her decision. I just played along for a while and she was quite content with the fact that she "just did not want to drive for a while". I hope this helps, and I'm glad you have so much good advice from other readers to choose from. P.S. I know that every case is different, but sometimes it helps to get bits and pieces so you can put them together in order to apply them to your particular situation.
When my husband had FTD he wanted to drive too. I sometimes would disable the car by loosening the battery cables. It finally came time to renew his Driver license and he insisted he could do it. I game him the tests to study and after a few week of trying to learn he said, I 've decided not to renew. I told him I would take him down and renew a non driver license, for I identification instead. He was happy with that. From them on I drove and he went with me everywhere.
When my husband had FTD he wanted to drive too. I sometimes would disable the car by loosening the battery cables. It finally came time to renew his Driver license and he insisted he could do it. I game him the tests to study and after a few week of trying to learn he said, I 've decided not to renew. I told him I would take him down and renew a non driver license, for I identification instead. He was happy with that. From then on I drove and he went with me everywhere.
We have Call A Ride here in the St.Louis area. A small Fee for the service and reliable. They come to your door and pick you up and drop you off a time you request.
Would showing a picture of what a terrible auto accident scare the driver into thinking how dangerous it is for Dad to drive?? Really think about the consequences of what will happen, including injury and lawsuit against the driver and maybe his family.
I typed up a list of all the reasons my Dad should not drive (since no matter how many times I told him he couldn't remember). I finally hid the keys and found a program locally (called, "Seniors Helping Seniors") that will take him to his various appointments. I also tried to prepare him for close to two years by asking him if he was ready to stop driving when the time came. He would always say he was, but when that time came, no one could convince him of it. I finally had to hide the keys. I think he now realizes that he will not drive again.
As mentioned here, the procedure depends upon the state he lives in. My mom (now 94) was still driving at 93 in Florida. She mostly let others do the driving, but one day she got behind the wheel when we were going to the doctor's, and I had first-hand experience with nearly being killed by someone who had no clue that she was drifting all over the place. And surely the honking wasn't intended for her! I related all this to her doctor, who tried to have a heart-to-heart about the wisdom of giving up driving. Mom stared benignly and nodded, but I knew that the doc's advice was bouncing off a brick wall.
Florida DMV won't just rescind a license, but to their credit if anyone has legitimate concerns about a mentally or physically disabled driver, they WILL request that the individual come in for a written and road test.
When my brother informed Mom that the DMV wanted her to be tested---and of course we didn't let on that we were the instigators---she who had been insisting that she was perfectly capable, all of a sudden had second thoughts. Somewhere in her jumbled mind she was aware that she wasn't the driver she thought she still was (and until a few years ago, she was an excellent driver).
Well, that was that. It was almost too easy. I think deep down she was relieved. She could now justifiably be chauffeured like royalty without feeling guilty, since it was the DMV, not her or her offspring or her personal physician, who decided she couldn't drive any more. In other words lay the onus on the state agency instead of the individual.
I sold my husbands car three years ago when he showed signs of dementia. I had my mechanic come over and tell him the computer In the car was broken and it would cost too much to fix. Now every day he asks when am I going to get him another car. He screams and yells calls me all sort of nasty names. WhenI tell him it is no longer safe for him to drive that he forgets and is confused he only states he never had an accident and what I am saying makes no sense. Now when he asks I ignore him because I cannot. Keep repeating the same thing every day because it is useless. The doc told him no more driving but he says the doc does not know what he is talking aboutTo keep his mind on other things he goes to adult day care three times a week and the other two days I have an aid. I work full time and have no time for myself because he wants to go every where with me . I prefer that to worrying about him driving. I need to buy another car but afraid because it will start him asking all over again about his car. Does anyone have a suggestion on how I can buy a new car without starting world war 3 in my house.
Reasoning (with dr's assistance) didn't help. So I disabled the car (disconnected the battery). She doesn't know enough about cars to make it work. Although she says she drives to the shops once a week when we're not there, I don't think this can be true, as car remains untouched. But this is our insurance. While she still thinks she's driving, she retains a higher level of dignity and sense of independence.
Documenting observations, concerns, and related risks can help families facilitate difficult decisions. Roobrik (roobrik) offers a free online assessment tool that provides context for common warning signs, suggestions for what to do next based on personalized risk reports, and strategies to open up the dialogue and make the transition as positive as possible for everyone involved, including the aging drivers themselves.
Florida DMV won't just rescind a license, but to their credit if anyone has legitimate concerns about a mentally or physically disabled driver, they WILL request that the individual come in for a written and road test.
When my brother informed Mom that the DMV wanted her to be tested---and of course we didn't let on that we were the instigators---she who had been insisting that she was perfectly capable, all of a sudden had second thoughts. Somewhere in her jumbled mind she was aware that she wasn't the driver she thought she still was (and until a few years ago, she was an excellent driver).
Well, that was that. It was almost too easy. I think deep down she was relieved. She could now justifiably be chauffeured like royalty without feeling guilty, since it was the DMV, not her or her offspring or her personal physician, who decided she couldn't drive any more. In other words lay the onus on the state agency instead of the individual.
I need to buy another car but afraid because it will start him asking all over again about his car. Does anyone have a suggestion on how I can buy a new car without starting world war 3 in my house.
Try it here: alpha.roobrik/driving