When my dad wanted to keep driving when I knew he shouldn't I tried to discuss it with him. That didn't work. Then I tried to be more forceful and that didn't work either. Finally, I had his Dr. speak to him about it and that finally did the trick. However, I was prepared to take his car keys if I had to.
My husband's neurologist ordered a driving assessment by an occupational therapist. The results were then given to us & doctor and doctor notified DMV, which notified us to turn in license. Be prepared for an emotional rollercoaster (understandably). My defense to husband is he is being responsible and eliminating accidents or worse. Also, remind him there are worse things than not being able to drive. Doesn't always work, but at least my worry load is lessened by one thing, but now I do all driving and he wants to go everywhere with me. There are tradeoffs I guess......
My mother also has this FTD. It didn't matter what we said , or who told her she couldn't drive. As far as she was concerned she was a good driver and what did these people know about it , they had never even seen her drive! Eventually we contacted or local community policeman , who kindly came round (in uniform) and had a chat with her. She gave up her keys then. Shes wasn't fit to drive but her Dr was reluctant to report her to the DVLA. Technically I dont even thick she was covered by her insurers as they didnt know about her dementia. At the end of the day I couldn't have it on my conscience if she had an accident and hurt or killed someone. Good luck .x
You had better take away the keys or he may be driving to Alaska or whatever. He could also end up killing someone. You may be able to save money on car insurance by contacting driver's license bureau - get the necessary papers (birth certificate, etc) and get his license taken away and replaced with an ID card.
Oh boy KristinL, can I relate. My Mom had an "event" in early September. My Stepdad had her taken to hospital, all the tests they did there, all the test by vascular surgeon, neurologist after that, no one ever decided if it had been a TIA or seizure. But, neurologist told her she could not drive for 6 months without a definitive diagnosis and a treatment in place.
Neuro typed that up, even noted that "daughter had been informed". All follow ups with her GP, he brings that up to her, tells her not to drive. She calls me all the time wanting to know if I want to go places with her, wants to know if I want to her to pick me up!!! I've told her and told her, GP even asked her how she'd feel if she killed a family, Step Dad has told her and told her, she's flat ignoring everyone.
I don't know if any of the Docs clued in the DMV or not, or if she was ever put on temporary suspension, (of if they only get involved to completely cancel a license), or, ?. Of course she'd never admit it if she did get a letter from them. Really frustrating. One month left on the neurologist ordered restriction is all, ...and then what? She shouldn't be driving IMO, but Stepdad was actually going to let her drive herself to an appointment recently, (that I found out about and took her to instead). I think she's worn him down. It's a real problem, watched my Great Grandparents and Grandparents go down this same path, most gave up the keys with grace...I'll be watching this post. Best of luck.
If the car is moved they can report it stolen , or even worse buy another . If you disable it she can call the AA. They need to give up the keys voluntarily. My mun "gave up " her car to me as mine was alot older and we thought she might feel better about giving it up if she thought she was helping me out. Its awful that you practically have to wait for them to have an accident before anyone will step in and help.
Do login to your local police department website there will be an officer that handles this specific issue. My mom drove herself to a doctor's appointment and was in an accident that flipped her car and by some miracle no one, including mom was hurt. The car was totaled she then handed over the keys to the tow truck driver. Later she decided she wouldn't get a new car. Please take your dad's keys and don't risk his safety like we did. I recall wringing hands and trying to always be there to drive mom, her car had lots of dings before the accident. We knew. It was time to take her keys, it's very hard for them to give up their independence. In another instance, my younger brother was bike riding and was run off the road by a car that didn't stop. A driver traveling in the opposite direction was able to catch up to the hit and run driver who was an elderly man, who when asked why he didn't stop when he hit the cyclist replied:"what cyclist?" I am all for safety and teamwork so use these stories and your doctors and local police officers, they are here to help us. Ps, my brother had a helmet on that day and rides bike paths now.
A visit to their doctor can stop them from driving. After his doctor told him that he could hurt someone if he continues to drive, my father stopped and we hired Personal Care Attendants to help with errands and grocery shopping.
Boy can I relate with this one! Dad was 93 and still driving. I voiced my concern to his then primary care physician. He examined him and said he "passed" the dementia test. I then called NJ DMV. In the state of NJ, you cannot take a license away from a driver, no matter the age. They can be voluntarily retested, but they call it "age discrimination" to take their license. If the driver should have an accident or get a summons, the police can request retesting and take the license until they pass the retesting or if they fail, keep it. So, at 93 dad was still driving. His original primary care doctor left and a new one took his place. Asked me if he was still driving. Yep, he is. He told dad to remember 3 words..........he would ask him in a few minutes to repeat the words. I'll never forget them, hat, tree and book. Dad couldn't remember. The doc wrote a script to the DMV saying to revoke his driving privileges due to progression of dementia. I took the script along with his license to DMV and they still didn't want to take his license. They wanted him to come in and they would change the license to just a form of ID. Nope, not going for that, so since the doc told dad no more driving, he was ok with it. I thought it would be so unfair for him to know his car was in the garage, yet he couldn't drive, so I had the car sold within 5 days. At one time I called DMV to ask about his driving and I was told about the age discrimination thing, and also told that there was nothing to stop him from going out and buying a new car if I took his keys away. While I was concerned about his safety, I was more concerned about the safety of others on the road. Just last week, a 91 year old man hit the gas instead of the brake in a shopping center parking lot. He took out 5 parked cars. He got no summons nor was he told to be retested. He used a walker and 2 canes to get around, yet he was driving. My suggestion to anyone with an elderly parent issue is to have the doctor either write a script to DMV telling them the driving license should be revoked or have them retested at DMV. Of course a lot depends on the state you live in too.
We exchanged the key on my husbands key ring with a similar key from another car so his car would not start. Then new excuses were made until he got used to not driving.
It is difficult to keep someone from driving as they think they are just fine! We had to tell my mother her car was being fixed and it was taking a long time to get parts! Eventually she forgot about it for the most part, just a question about where her car was form time to time when she was riding with us. Take the car away or they will find a way to replace keys !
I had that problem with my sister who has Alzheimer's-- someone reporeted her to drivers & vehcles so they cancelled her licence - but that did not stop her. With help from her friends & neighbours we sold her car.It was not an easy thing to do. She put in the dich one time & had to be pulled out.When she did drive it was down the centre of the highway Scary!!. Her thought was They might have taken my licence-- but I still have the one in my wallet .Two years later she still has the one in her wallet:) :)
Lucysmom501 is correct. Reporting someone to the DMV is pointless. They will do nothing. Being elderly is not a crime (like DWI or DUI where upon the courts can direct the DMV to suspend/revoke a license). It is age discrimination and they will not do it. Contacting the local police to have a safety "discussion" with your father MAY convince him to hand over his keys to YOU. However, the police department cannot legally force someone to "give up" their license. Even if the elderly person is in an accident, you cannot force them to give up their driver's license. Nice, huh?
My 64-year old brother-in-law had a stroke one year ago. He is not fully capable to drive safely. In fact, he was recovering at his elderly parents' home and I begged them (my in-laws) to "hide" his car keys. My BIL kept going out to his car in the driveway and starting it (not moving it, just starting it). He was obsessed with wanting to drive again. They told us, "oh, no, he won't drive." Well, guess what? One day while they weren't paying attention to what their son was doing, he got pissed at his parents for some unknown reason and got in his car and drove away. He intention was to drive to Canada (over the border/bridge) to visit his girlfriend. He is also a diabetic and was getting low blood sugar and got totally confused. He drove around for an hour. He was eventually stopped at the bridge by customs and we were called and had to come get him and his car. He is now on the "watch list" at the bridge. He could have killed someone. This all would have been avoided if my in-laws would have just take the keys away.
When he got home, the local police dept was called because he became very nasty, belligerant and abusive (even though he can only say 5 words because of his stroke) because he kept insisting that we give him his car keys. The local police officer told us that even though he had a stroke, in the eyes of the law he still has a valid driver's license and they cannot "legally" take that away from him. Again, nice. So basically, he can get in his car and drive around and possibly kill himself and take someone else with him. Wonderful. We, of course, did NOT give him his car keys back.
My husband took his brother to his primary care doctor and the doctor told my BIL that if he wants to drive, he needs to be re-evaluated at a local hospital clinic where they have a driver evaluation program for stroke victims. This is a 4-hour comprehensive evaluation/exam (using verbal, comprehension and actual driving skills). My father-in-law made the appt for him and off they went to the program. Well, after 1 1/2 hours, he couldn't even get through the verbal/visual /comprehension part -- so no way were they going to let him try the driving part). They told him to come back in a year to be re-evaluated. You can imagine how pissed my BIL was when they told him that! Needless to say, my FIL would not give him his keys. He became more verbally abusive to my in-laws (who are 83 and 88 years old) and the next time my BIL was admitted to the ER because of his blood sugar and insulin meds being all screwed up, they told the Discharge Planner that they could no longer "take care of him" at their home and he was placed in an independent living facility with nurses on staff to administer his meds. My BIL's car is still in my FIL's driveway. Realistically, will my BIL ever drive again? No. Not gonna happen. My FIL should just get rid of the car but my BIL would have to sign over the title and he won't do it. So there the car rots. Ugh.
So bottom line, if your father has dementia and you feel he is a danger to himself and/or others, take the keys. No one likes to give up their indepedence. He may or may not get angry but know you have done the right thing. If he drives and kills someone, whose conscience will that be on? I don't mean to be harsh, but someone's got to do the right thing and that someone is you.
Oh, and by the way, doctors rarely want to get involved in reporting their patients to the DMV. That's not their job and if elderly patients feared their doctors were going to do this, they would stop going to their doctors. They may "suggest" to their patients that they shouldn't drive. Sometimes hearing from their physicians does the trick, but generally doctors don't want to get involved. I don't blame them.
I Hid the keys and as an extra precaution I had my neighbor disable the car. I put a note under the hood, just in case, a good neighbor tried to help start the car. That worked great until he finally gave up and lost interest. That was a very scary time and was happy to move on to the next problem. Prior to that I had changed phones for one that was a little more complicated to use and he didnt try to call for help.
Talk to his Dr. Tell him what is going on, if he doesn't already know. (It is good to update the Dr Ether way, when there is Dementia going on.) The Dr Can talk to him, and get the ball rolling to have his licence taken away, if it comes to that. It isn't fun, but it could just come down to hiding the car keys and standing up to him.... telling him that he can't drive anymore. Not a fun position to be in, but tough love is part of dealing with dementia sometimes. If that isn't enough, move the car so he can't get to it. It might seem "mean" but it is meaner to let him kill an innocent family or have him get lost... there was a man not too far from here where the family should have taken steps to keep him from driving. They didn't. He was last seen driving towards the city. He has never been seen again. That was like 2 years ago. He and his car both vanished. I wouldn't want to live with that! Do what you have to do. I know you will or you wouldn't be asking how. Good call. God Bless!
Oh my does this all sound like our story with my Dad. Dad had dementia for over five years before we got him out from behind the wheel. We was totally unsafe driving. The doctor told Dad he shouldn't drive, but he paid that no attention. We argued that he was going to hurt himself, or someone else. We asked him how he would feel if he killed some child on the street. He refused to even answer. Just said that would never happen.
But he was losing his way on familiar roads, and driving for hours to get to places five minutes away. He was having accidents and speeding tickets . This after an entire lifetime of being the slowest driver on the road. He claimed all the incidents were the other guy's fault, even when there wasn't an "other guy". The police had to call us to come take him home when he was found miles from home, and seemed disoriented. We took the keys, but he must have had six sets, all scattered around the house so drove anyway. We argued and he remained uncooperative.
All manner of things happened, but nothing stopped him. He got stuck in snow drifts repeatedly last winter, and somehow always found some kind soul to shovel him out. When he forgot how to turn his car lights off, the neighbors would help him each evening to turn them off. That was until we begged them not to. So the battery went dead and we hoped that would stop him, but unfortunately Dad was able to call AAA to fix it. We thought flat tires would stop him, but NO. He drove on the flats, till the neighbors called the police . He refused to admit the tires were flat before the police showed up, and the police officer (believe it or not) called the auto repair shop to come fix the tires. I even asked the police if it was legal for us to just take the car away. The answer was, "No".
I called the BMV and begged for help and they gave me erroneous info on how get Dad's license revoked, adding months to the process. But eventually we got the doctor to write to the BMV, who then sent a letter to Dad, saying he had to get another physical from the doctor to declare if he was fit to drive or not. The doctor then had to send that letter in to the BMV, who sent another letter to Dad requiring Dad come to the license bureau for testing within thirty days.
Dad refused of course, constantly saying how he was the best driver and they had no right to insist he go for a test. On the last possible day Dad finally agreed to take the test, which he failed miserably, despite the license bureau workers bending over backward to help him. Their supervisor talked to Dad, very compassionately, for over an hour, telling him they were keeping his license, and that he could no longer drive. ...The instant Dad got in my car for the ride home, he very angrily stated "You're not taking my car from me!!" "I can drive and you can't stop me.!!"
Which we couldn't. When I dropped him off at his house, he got out of my car and into his, and drove away. I called the police, but they said they couldn't do anything about it unless he gets stopped for some reason while driving. Having no license was not reason enough. So he drove, every day, all day sometimes, for the next several weeks, (with AAA and the auto repair place still coming every few days to jump his engine) until the day Dad drove the car right through the closed garage door. Totally obliterated that huge old door. All that remainded was splinters and shards of glass. And Dad said, it was the other guys fault ! (He meant the fellow who'd just jumped the engine for him that morning) . "He must have done something to my car. He ruined my car."
The only good part of that was that, we were able to get the car away from him under the guise of having it fixed. Every day, for weeks he demanded his car back, demanding that we take him to his car. He insisted he could drive and that we didn't have any right to keep him away from his car. Always blaming me. There were unceasing angry, ugly arguments everyday, worse than all the ones we'd been having for over a year of trying to get him to stop driving.
I was beside myself, not knowing how to stop the angry episodes so I called the police again. This time they finally sent out a very kind officer, who spoke to Dad, at told him (basically lied to him) that the car was being held by the police and would never be released to him, as he didn't have a license to drive. That he could sell the car, but he was never getting it back.
And even then, once the police officer left, Dad was angrily saying "I can drive and they can't stop me. !!" And I answered: "And what car do you think you're going to drive? You don't have one anymore, and you are sure as hell not driving mine !" ...And finally he shut up, because there was no answer to that.
And now, half a year later, he still hasn't stopped being angry about that car. And he still complains how "they had no right" and how he is "the best driver out there." He's barely coherent most of the time now, but he still mentions that car.
We tried without success to get my husband, 82, to stop driving. He had a wreck that total lost our car. No one was hurt and no one was charged. I called the officer that investigated the wreck and ask him if he would inform DMV that my husband has dementia. He did and DMV had him come in for a driving test. Unfortunately it was in the morning when he was at his best and an examiner that overlooked mistakes so he passed the test. After that he was having many small wrecks, dents all over the car. Then he had another bad wreck, still no one was hurt or charged because my husband lied about running a red light. I wrote DMV a letter and explained things and ask them to retest him. They ordered another test but this time my husband was too scared to take the test so he agreed to turn in his license. We then got him a ID card. I gave his car to our granddaughter. It took a year before he stopped complaining about driving. I am glad others are safe from his driving but it has been very hard being the sole driver. I still praise him, though, for turning in his license.
My husband got very angry when we told him he should not be driving. I talked to his doctor, who recommended a group called, "Driving Solutions." We told Dean that if he would take the test and passed it, we wouldn't bother him about driving any more. He finally agreed. The test consisted of a written evaluation, then if that was passed, a regular driving test would follow. He did not pass the evaluation. The test-giver sat him down and went over every wrong answer and explained why he failed. He accepted this. The results were sent to his doctor and the DMV and his license was revoked. He now makes no fuss about driving. The key here is to get an objective person to tell him he cannot drive. He will take it much more calmly if it doesn't come from you.
Dad became suddenly deathly ill 3.5 yrs ago and ended up in a coma. Mom was already showing dramatic signs of dementa. The first nite Mom mentioned she was going to drive back to the ICU to see my Dad, my husband and I went to the house directly from the hospital and took the car from the house. We parked the car at my house and then told Mom the next day she wouldn't be going to the hospital alone. She didn't seem to remember that she even had a car; she was really shook up about my Dad and therefore the driving was no longer an issue for her since I think she didn't even give it another thought. It was sad, but it actually worked out. I felt guilty for being so dramatic about it but I knew it was for the best. Mom was very unfocused and 'out there' so I really knew I did the best thing for everyone. About a week later she realized the car was gone and I explained it to her; I think she understood but I re-directed her thoughts to other things and her focus on driving just got pushed to the wayside. Then I went into her purse and took her keys as well as my Dad's. When my Dad survived, I explained to him and he was in agreement and he didn't want to drive anymore anyways. He was already having a hard time concentrating on driving, and knew he had slow reflexes and even said he had a few close calls of which I didn't even know of until then. I take them to all their dr appts, my brother takes them to the pharmacy and grocery stores and we both take them to other places too. I am their DPOA and knew I made the right choice. And, safer for everyone !!! Now, my Dad has recently started saying that he would like to buy a car and drive again...I know if he does that, I will do everything in my power to stop that. I will have a police officer come to the house and explain it, I will notify his PCP and the DMV. Dad is on alot of medications that he shouldn't be driving anyways.And, he is recently now starting to be tested for memory problems and had already been declared 'incompetent'... Mom says she would like to drive again but she has been progressing in Alzheimers and is very obvious she shouldn't be allowed to drive. The family doesn't even let her be alone because she is very frail and accident-prone.... I am actually protecting alot of people if they do not drive. I hated to have to take their independence away of driving but it is for the best and that is what you have got to think of. Sometimes decisions like this are for the best.
This is the most difficult problem I've faced with my mom! She loved her car and felt she could drive as good as ever! Tried everything! Dad had passed and her income was greatly reduced so had to cancel her insurance except comprehensive for it to set in her garage! With expense of paying caregivers to stay at night with her sold her car! She hasn't forgiven me to this day! Wishing you the best as I know it breaks your heart as it did mine! Seems we have no choice but change roles and become the parent!
Talking is only good up to a point. remember he may danger himself and or others. I had to hide the keys at first then he could not find them. While in the car with my husband I saw how his driving really was!! It has bee 2yrs know and I am glad I did. ll miss him driving he was a race driver in his younger days he was hard for me to do it but I had to.
Lots of ways to disable a car--remove battery, remove a tire, unscrew the steering wheel, hide the keys, put a steering wheel lock on, remove accelerator pedal, take out the driver's seat, smash the windshield (that's a last-resort measure). Best way is to tell him "you are no longer safe to drive" and ask for all sets of keys. But if he chooses noncompliance, then you have no choice but to disable the vehicle, AND call doctor, AND call local police. If you are POA, locate the title to vehicle and sell it, putting proceeds from sale into his account or open a savings account for his estate.
if all else fails, take the keys (make sure no extras around) and just say you can't find them. and depending on their age they may not know who to call to come fix car (if you can disable). better safe than sorry.
This really is a hard thing, hugh? Funny, I took my Mom to a store the other day, after we got out of my car and were walking towards the entrance Mom heard a car behind us, (I already knew he was there), ...she jumped and said "Car!". She was worried for my safety, as though I was little. I remembered all the shopping trips with her taking me, when she made me hold her hand in the parking lot to keep me safe. I just kept that thought to myself, and smiled. Trading place is hard.
Take over all car keys and do not let your Dad drive. Does the vehicle require any expensive repair work done? Maybe scaring him about the cost may persuade him to give up and sell the vehicle!
My husband has FTD and thinks he's fine. He wanted to continue to drive even though we knew he shouldn't. Our neighbor "disabled" the car and he was told I can't afford to fix it right now. That was 2 years ago, but he thinks it was just last week. As long as he sees the car he's fine.
Be prepared for an emotional rollercoaster (understandably). My defense to husband is he is being responsible and eliminating accidents or worse. Also, remind him there are worse things than not being able to drive. Doesn't always work, but at least my worry load is lessened by one thing, but now I do all driving and he wants to go everywhere with me. There are tradeoffs I guess......
Eventually we contacted or local community policeman , who kindly came round (in uniform) and had a chat with her. She gave up her keys then.
Shes wasn't fit to drive but her Dr was reluctant to report her to the DVLA. Technically I dont even thick she was covered by her insurers as they didnt know about her dementia. At the end of the day I couldn't have it on my conscience if she had an accident and hurt or killed someone. Good luck .x
Neuro typed that up, even noted that "daughter had been informed". All follow ups with her GP, he brings that up to her, tells her not to drive. She calls me all the time wanting to know if I want to go places with her, wants to know if I want to her to pick me up!!! I've told her and told her, GP even asked her how she'd feel if she killed a family, Step Dad has told her and told her, she's flat ignoring everyone.
I don't know if any of the Docs clued in the DMV or not, or if she was ever put on temporary suspension, (of if they only get involved to completely cancel a license), or, ?. Of course she'd never admit it if she did get a letter from them. Really frustrating. One month left on the neurologist ordered restriction is all, ...and then what? She shouldn't be driving IMO, but Stepdad was actually going to let her drive herself to an appointment recently, (that I found out about and took her to instead). I think she's worn him down. It's a real problem, watched my Great Grandparents and Grandparents go down this same path, most gave up the keys with grace...I'll be watching this post. Best of luck.
With help from her friends & neighbours we sold her car.It was not an easy thing to do. She put in the dich one time & had to be pulled out.When she did drive it was down the centre of the highway Scary!!. Her thought was They might have taken my licence-- but I still have the one in my wallet .Two years later she still has the one in her wallet:) :)
My 64-year old brother-in-law had a stroke one year ago. He is not fully capable to drive safely. In fact, he was recovering at his elderly parents' home and I begged them (my in-laws) to "hide" his car keys. My BIL kept going out to his car in the driveway and starting it (not moving it, just starting it). He was obsessed with wanting to drive again. They told us, "oh, no, he won't drive." Well, guess what? One day while they weren't paying attention to what their son was doing, he got pissed at his parents for some unknown reason and got in his car and drove away. He intention was to drive to Canada (over the border/bridge) to visit his girlfriend. He is also a diabetic and was getting low blood sugar and got totally confused. He drove around for an hour. He was eventually stopped at the bridge by customs and we were called and had to come get him and his car. He is now on the "watch list" at the bridge. He could have killed someone. This all would have been avoided if my in-laws would have just take the keys away.
When he got home, the local police dept was called because he became very nasty, belligerant and abusive (even though he can only say 5 words because of his stroke) because he kept insisting that we give him his car keys. The local police officer told us that even though he had a stroke, in the eyes of the law he still has a valid driver's license and they cannot "legally" take that away from him. Again, nice. So basically, he can get in his car and drive around and possibly kill himself and take someone else with him. Wonderful. We, of course, did NOT give him his car keys back.
My husband took his brother to his primary care doctor and the doctor told my BIL that if he wants to drive, he needs to be re-evaluated at a local hospital clinic where they have a driver evaluation program for stroke victims. This is a 4-hour comprehensive evaluation/exam (using verbal, comprehension and actual driving skills). My father-in-law made the appt for him and off they went to the program. Well, after 1 1/2 hours, he couldn't even get through the verbal/visual /comprehension part -- so no way were they going to let him try the driving part). They told him to come back in a year to be re-evaluated. You can imagine how pissed my BIL was when they told him that! Needless to say, my FIL would not give him his keys. He became more verbally abusive to my in-laws (who are 83 and 88 years old) and the next time my BIL was admitted to the ER because of his blood sugar and insulin meds being all screwed up, they told the Discharge Planner that they could no longer "take care of him" at their home and he was placed in an independent living facility with nurses on staff to administer his meds. My BIL's car is still in my FIL's driveway. Realistically, will my BIL ever drive again? No. Not gonna happen. My FIL should just get rid of the car but my BIL would have to sign over the title and he won't do it. So there the car rots. Ugh.
So bottom line, if your father has dementia and you feel he is a danger to himself and/or others, take the keys. No one likes to give up their indepedence. He may or may not get angry but know you have done the right thing. If he drives and kills someone, whose conscience will that be on? I don't mean to be harsh, but someone's got to do the right thing and that someone is you.
Oh, and by the way, doctors rarely want to get involved in reporting their patients to the DMV. That's not their job and if elderly patients feared their doctors were going to do this, they would stop going to their doctors. They may "suggest" to their patients that they shouldn't drive. Sometimes hearing from their physicians does the trick, but generally doctors don't want to get involved. I don't blame them.
But he was losing his way on familiar roads, and driving for hours to get to places five minutes away. He was having accidents and speeding tickets . This after an entire lifetime of being the slowest driver on the road. He claimed all the incidents were the other guy's fault, even when there wasn't an "other guy". The police had to call us to come take him home when he was found miles from home, and seemed disoriented. We took the keys, but he must have had six sets, all scattered around the house so drove anyway. We argued and he remained uncooperative.
All manner of things happened, but nothing stopped him. He got stuck in snow drifts repeatedly last winter, and somehow always found some kind soul to shovel him out. When he forgot how to turn his car lights off, the neighbors would help him each evening to turn them off. That was until we begged them not to. So the battery went dead and we hoped that would stop him, but unfortunately Dad was able to call AAA to fix it. We thought flat tires would stop him, but NO. He drove on the flats, till the neighbors called the police . He refused to admit the tires were flat before the police showed up, and the police officer (believe it or not) called the auto repair shop to come fix the tires. I even asked the police if it was legal for us to just take the car away. The answer was, "No".
I called the BMV and begged for help and they gave me erroneous info on how get Dad's license revoked, adding months to the process. But eventually we got the doctor to write to the BMV, who then sent a letter to Dad, saying he had to get another physical from the doctor to declare if he was fit to drive or not. The doctor then had to send that letter in to the BMV, who sent another letter to Dad requiring Dad come to the license bureau for testing within thirty days.
Dad refused of course, constantly saying how he was the best driver and they had no right to insist he go for a test. On the last possible day Dad finally agreed to take the test, which he failed miserably, despite the license bureau workers bending over backward to help him. Their supervisor talked to Dad, very compassionately, for over an hour, telling him they were keeping his license, and that he could no longer drive. ...The instant Dad got in my car for the ride home, he very angrily stated "You're not taking my car from me!!" "I can drive and you can't stop me.!!"
Which we couldn't. When I dropped him off at his house, he got out of my car and into his, and drove away. I called the police, but they said they couldn't do anything about it unless he gets stopped for some reason while driving. Having no license was not reason enough. So he drove, every day, all day sometimes, for the next several weeks, (with AAA and the auto repair place still coming every few days to jump his engine) until the day Dad drove the car right through the closed garage door. Totally obliterated that huge old door. All that remainded was splinters and shards of glass. And Dad said, it was the other guys fault ! (He meant the fellow who'd just jumped the engine for him that morning) . "He must have done something to my car. He ruined my car."
The only good part of that was that, we were able to get the car away from him under the guise of having it fixed. Every day, for weeks he demanded his car back, demanding that we take him to his car. He insisted he could drive and that we didn't have any right to keep him away from his car. Always blaming me. There were unceasing angry, ugly arguments everyday, worse than all the ones we'd been having for over a year of trying to get him to stop driving.
I was beside myself, not knowing how to stop the angry episodes so I called the police again. This time they finally sent out a very kind officer, who spoke to Dad, at told him (basically lied to him) that the car was being held by the police and would never be released to him, as he didn't have a license to drive. That he could sell the car, but he was never getting it back.
And even then, once the police officer left, Dad was angrily saying "I can drive and they can't stop me. !!" And I answered: "And what car do you think you're going to drive? You don't have one anymore, and you are sure as hell not driving mine !" ...And finally he shut up, because there was no answer to that.
And now, half a year later, he still hasn't stopped being angry about that car. And he still complains how "they had no right" and how he is "the best driver out there." He's barely coherent most of the time now, but he still mentions that car.
With expense of paying caregivers to stay at night with her sold her car! She hasn't forgiven me to this day!
Wishing you the best as I know it breaks your heart as it did mine! Seems we have no choice but change roles and become the parent!