Follow
Share

Being the sole caregiver I am finding all this out about my dad. He has been open about all of his medical needs (a little too open). I have complete access to his medical records and Dr.s My sister is a nurse and she as well. We lost mom last year on the operating table (yes I do blame the Dr., should not have operated on her). Dad is healthy for the most part. Had rheumatic fever at a young age and has an enlarged heart. He said he has a aneurysm on his heart. Nothing they worry about but he ha not had major surgery that I am aware of. He wants his knees repairs. I will take w all the Dr.s but I really don't want to go through what I did with mom when I know I should have talked her out of the surgery.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Listen tgengine, you need stress relief. So stand back and let the RN take the reins while you take a Gin &Tonic. Enjoy the few days and rest up because you get all the fun & excitement back when she leaves. So go off duty, turn off the light bar, and put away your gloves. You really deserve a break, no EMT can go 24/7/365. Big dogs save their energy.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

He's going to rehab after surgery. You get your life back for a few weeks. And while he's gone, you and your wife have a VERY frank discussion about whether you want to continue having him live with you. Recognize this for the opportunity it is.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Sorry you are in such a situation. Aneurysms come in all sizes so if it is not too big will be fine. it can be done with spinal anesthesia and heavy sedation so avoids general anesthetic and all the problems that brings for the older mind. i agree that he should go directly to rehab from the hospital as they will make sure he does the necessary exercises whether he likes it or not.
time you became King of your castle. sisiter can jump up and down but if d is in rehab there is little she can do. you never know he might like it so much he will want to saty.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

So dad is cleared to get his knee surgery on Monday, he wants my sister the nurse here when he goes in. I told him it wasn't necessary for her to be here. She as a busy schedule. He told her i was pissed she was coming so she called me. kinda read me the riot act saying I am not the only child. So that is not a good way to start things off.
Anyway, She was in charge of my parents medical issues for the past 16 years they were living near her. She moved away to be near her child. I have had the closer relationship with my parents so dad moved in with me. Since she is a nurse she knows everything. She had the helm because she worked at the hospital they went to, Now dad is with me she is not the big dog on campus any longer. Anyway, dad tells her everything supposedly and tells me nothing. I have taken the you want it you fix it route with him because he will allow everyone to do everything for him and I am the do it yourself kind of guy. So now I look like the bad guy. My sister (were not that close) will be here for a few days while he is in the hospital, she will look like the angel and fly away back home and leave me with the mess to deal with later..... I took care of dad at his worst when mom died, I took care of the fiances, the move, the clean up, the dealing with taxes, business, the crying, the loneliness. My sister, a phone call once a week..... I gave up a quarter of my home (I was glad to do it) to care for him and I am the bad guy?????

Sorry, just venting here. So I will need to be sure she doesn't drink while she is here as she can be the tell you what you need to know person when she has one or 3.

I am trapped in my won home, I cant talk around my dad because he tells everyone everything (except me). I have taken to living like a monk, talking to my wife in our bedroom, not talking during dinner because everything turns to about him. I get he is lonely and needs to talk but not at my expense.
So how do i handle my sister when she is here? Give her the helm? Let her make all the decisions? I am an EMT, I know a little about knee surgery, I had my own knee surgery lived with it all my life with knee issues and brought my daughter through 2 knee surgeries so I am not a neophyte about this.....

Trapped like a rat......
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I agree with Babalou, send him to rehab first, then to your sister since she thinks this is such a good idea. Stand up for yourself.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Yes, he can go there, to your sister the nurse. One hopes he is going to go to rehab first, after the surgery. There is no way in holy h*ll that you alone can take on the rehab of an uncooperative, obese knee replacement patient. Three shifts of caregivers are needed. You are being taken advantage of. In your wife's position, I would book myself a cruise for that week in February. YOU might consider beating her to the punch and saying "sorry dad, we already have other plans. Too bad you didn't consult us".
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

So dad has met with a local doctor and he sent the info to my sister (the nurse who lives 8 hours away). She thinks its great he is having it done. (She doesn't have to deal with it). So dad says he is having it done in February (mid winter with heavy snow here). That means I will be house bound for at least a month. My wife is not happy since it will again be on our vacation time (as usually every vacation there is a family crisis). I get it he wants his knees fixed but he says now I have to take care of him, he will be in his bedroom upstairs which means I will have to feed him, bathe him and overall be his nurse. I didn't sign up for this when I had him move in. It was a financial issue not a health issue. He doesn't consult me, just goes ahead and does what he wants and tells me afterward. He does tell me he has appoints and "we have paperwork to complete". I have said again and again to wait but he wont listen to me. I will call the Dr. to see what he real scoop is. He tells my sister the pain is excruciating but we see him hustle down the hall when his phone rings or he want to go somewhere. He needs a cane but he leaves it everywhere or when it is time to head out to eat he goes quick. I know I am being a pain and selfish but I didn't think Id be a literal caretaker so quick. My sister throws the "he can come here card" so it seems as though she cares. We all know she doesn't. She says the aneurysm is fine ..... I know she did the nursing issues while they live near her but she only consulted not day to day life care. Oye!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Why does he want knee surgery? What is the condition? There are some laproscopic procedures that can be done under local anesthesia. No way should he have general anesthesia. Maybe magnesium would ease the pain, if it's pain is the reason.Since magnesium relaxes muscles, his heart is a concern here - ask his doctor. Also sour cherry juice is a miracle cure for some joint pain.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

My Aunt had rhumatic fever as a kid and had one heart surgery, 3 days later she just dropped, she was also in her 50's. I dont hink she should have had surgery at all. My Dad died of aneurysm, never knew he had it but his legs used to hurt when walking sometimes. I think your Dad may be mistaken about this or they would be treating it. As far as the knees, what if he has surgery and wakes up with dementia like a lot of elderly do? Or the surgery throws a blood clot and dies from the surgery.I know an anestisist and guess what, when she had her knees done, she had a spinal and wouldnt go under general anestesia, what does that tell you. As my Mom would say "stop looking for trouble" and be happy the way you are. As she sits here with me and I feed her pureed eggs, I wish she could still say it.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

First, your father is NOT healthy. Having had rheumatic fever, an enlarged heart, and an aneurysm on/in his heart makes for an emergency at any given time. The aneurysm needs to be addressed first with either a robot assisted cutting it out or trying to dissolve it. My father had rheumatic fever, and died at age 59. With knee surgery, there are other options such as injections in the knee (either hyaluronic acid or cortisone), and physical therapy which are all covered by Medicare. If it is elective knee surgery, insurance will not cover it. Most orthopaedic (spelled correctly) surgeons will not operate knowing he has such a heart condition because he probably would have a cardiac event under anesthesia. I have a sore left knee that I get injections in and my surgeon would not recommend knee replacement unless absolutely necessary. The knees can have injections, but concentrate on your dad's heart condition first in my medical opinion. I am sorry for the loss of your mother, and if you know by medical records she should not have had the surgery, then consult an attorney. The more I am dealing with hospitals and doctors with my husband's conditions, the more screw-ups I am finding. But, I'm a nurse and can recognize mistakes and had legal training. Speak with a board certified cardiologist first before making any decisions about his knees. Best wishes!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

You need more information about his health status. Since he is 100 lbs overweight, most likely the surgeon would require weight loss first. A friend of mine just had her 1st knee done, surgeon required her to start rehab 2 weeks before surgery. What exactly does he expect you to do for him? He will have to do things for himself, using a walker, exercising the replaced knee, etc. Does he have the get-up-and-go to be a self starter? Will he get up out of bed by himself? Will he demand 24 hour care by you or your wife? There are a LOT of red lights flashing. Nowadays, rehab comes to the home and on off days it is expected the patient does the work by themselves. The big question is, will he?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Weight the pros and cons. It can be done with spinal anesthetic and heavy sedation, but must be approved by the cardiologist. An active man will greatly benefit where as a couch potatoe may remain just that. He will have to work hard in recovery but can regain full motion. There is little blood loss with knee surgery so that part of recovery is faster. He will be able to kneel again to say his prayers or work in the yard walk with out pain. Throw away the pain meds after the first few weeks and better yet it will probably last the rest of his life thanks to new implants.
the diagnosis of an aneurysm in the heart is very scary but the fact is that they are very common and only a few cause dramatic problems. They are rarely diagnosed without other symptoms. once diagnosed they need to be monitored and if they reach a certain size need treatment which these days can be done minimally invasively or simply by putting a stent in via an arterial catheter. The stent keeps the artery open and relieves pressure on the weakened walls. Rheumatic fever is a very scary diagnosis. my dad had it during WW11 when he was in the army and there after the whole family expected him to drop dead at any time. He lived a perfectly healthy life and died at 82 eventually from heart failure but not till he had survived two hip replacements. My Cardiologist says my heart conditions are due to having rheumatic fever as a child which was news to me!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I think you need more information. There are many kinds of aneurysms; he would need to be cleared by cardiology for ANY surgery that involved a general anesthetic. Listen to the cardiologist.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Will the benefits outweigh the risk? as magnum stated above you may not even have the option. Get as many opinions as you need to make an informed decision. For me, these types of decisions were the worse. I have found that surgeons always say they can operate, but should they? My heart goes out to you and your family.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

With an aneurysm on his heart, I don't think a doctor will do knee surgery on your dad.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.