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My dad is 94 and lives in memory care with my mom who is 97. She is relatively sound mentally but is at her wits end. My dad constantly rambles or sings or moans or crys. He is up at all hours of the night so she gets no rest. She has been sick and he is convinced that she is dying. His doctor is trying a med to help with his anxiety but it doesn't seem to be working. I've been told that today he has been crying all day and sometimes pounds on the locked door trying to get out of memory care. The staff is at a loss what to do for him. My mom needs extra care right now because of a nasty UTI so they are trying to focus on getting her well. The nurse at the facility recommended having him sent to a behavioral hospital for evaluation and to get his meds adjusted. He is in the VA system but I have not been impressed with the VA care. I know the system is overburdened and that there are good doctors and nurses that work there but I will honor my dad's wishes of never being sent to the VA hospital that is close to him. Anyone have experience with an Alz patient and a behavioral hospital? I'm all for getting a second opinion but I have no clue as to where to start. I should add that the doctor and nurse from VA come to see him as he is no longer able to make the trip to the hospital. The mental health doctor that he used to see does not do home care so any assessment is done by email and that can take a couple of days. Even then it seems that the right hand does not know what the left hand is doing.

My mother has vascular dementia and was having delusions and paranoia and became suicidal. She was admitted to a geriatric psychiatric hospital and stayed there for almost a year while they did a thorough evaluation and convinced her to go on anti-psychotic meds. She would have been there only a few months if she had been meds compliant. It was the best thing for her as the geri psychs understood her condition and what to do about it. I am so sorry that your mum is ill. I hope they get the infection treated soon . The stress of your dad is only makes things worse for her. Separate bedrooms may be an advantage to both of them. Let us know how things turn out.
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Reply to golden23
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Having him sent to a behavioral hospital for evaluation and to get his meds adjusted sounds like a wonderful opportunity to me! I have no personal experience with this but members of my local support group have and have been very satisfied with the results.

Treating brain defects is often trial-and-trial until something works. Ideally this should be done in a safe setting with heavy monitoring going on. That is what a psychiatric ward or behavior hospital could provide. I don't think you want the care facility to be messing with this.

It is possible that a good treatment plan won't be discovered. But at least you will have done your best to find one.

I am sorry that Mom has a UTI. Those can be really nasty! But giving her extra attention and the medical care she needs should NOT interfere with excellent care of your dad. They are getting paid for caring for both, right? But I do understand that they can reach a roadblock sometimes. If they recommend an in-patient evaluation elsewhere, I'd follow up on that.
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Reply to jeannegibbs
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Not what you are asking, but do your parents share a room? Could they have adjacent but separate rooms? Many many older couples turn the spare room into a bedroom so that both of them have an easier night, and the same option might help your mother. I hope that your real question is answered soon.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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MAFlatt Oct 20, 2018
To answer your question, yes they are in a companion suite in memory care. It is possible that too much togetherness is a source of frustration for both of them. My mom while still pretty sharp has some age and stress related dementia but could easily function on the assisted living side of the facility. My mom is having a hard time letting go of being the caregiver which causes stress and depression in her because she feels that she should be able to "fix" the situation. The living arrangements may be reevaluated when my dad returns.
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