Follow
Share

My dad who is 85 years old. Has been diagnosed with vulascular dementia. He's been in and out of hospitals for the past 6 months. He is a danger to himself.a nd needs assisted living. Hospital keeps releasing him. I had to appeal this. He is on Medicare. He won't give me POA. He can't stay with me as I am never home due to work. Neighbors can't watch him. Yesterday he was found on the ground in his house naked. Neighbor clothed him and put him on wheelchair and fed him. I am at my wits end. Case workers have not been helpful. They have threatened me with elderly abondonmemt meant which I am not doing. I do not have a place for him to stay.

Find Care & Housing
I would encourage you to call Adult Protective Services yourself and report a vulnerable elder living in unsafe living conditions and that there is NOBODY that can SAFELY care for him. Period, end of discussion.

You have a half whit social worker that is trying to make you responsible for a person and situation you are not. Don't be bullied into accepting responsibility or you are responsible and everything changes. Right now, based on what you posted, you are not responsible and dad needs some social services intervention.

Stay strong or they will bamboozle you into actually having responsibility.
Helpful Answer (10)
Reply to Isthisrealyreal
Report
Tomson74 May 10, 2025
Should I do that even if he is currently in the hospital?
(2)
Report
See 3 more replies
This morning I called APS. Within 10 minutes of putting the report in, I received a call that stated my case was assigned to an investigator. I also got rid of the hospital case worker that was causing me trouble, and was assigned another one. I was able to get the documents they requested today. I faxed them over later in the day. Tomorrow morning I have a short questionaire over the phone to do. At which point Dad will be (from my understanding) heading to a care facility while they application gets processed for LTC. Once I hear he is being transfered I will give another update. I try my best to update as soon as I can. As you all may know and understand, each day has brought its challenges and it does take a toll on you. I am greatful that I also have a job that's understanding and let's me work from home, so I catch some naps since I haven't been sleeping much at night. I am also looking at getting an elderly law attorney. Just in case.

Thank you all!
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to Tomson74
Report
KNance72 May 13, 2025
Feel better
(0)
Report
See 3 more replies
This is where Freedom of Choice comes up against Duty of Care.

Freedom of a person to leave hospital, go home, live as they please VS a hospital's duty of care to ensure a safe discharge.

It is a hard situation: No-body wants their rights to live as they wish stripped away - yet it can becomes a safety issue.

When to step in? How to step in? Who can legally step in?

Vascular Dementia can fluctuate I believe & many with a good vocab can sound reasonable in a short consult.

As a Advocate for your Father, you can speak up clearly to ALL the relevant staff - the Nurse Manager, Doctor, Hospital Social Worker. State that Dad is HOME ALONE.

If he is to be discharged again, make your position clear.

Talk to the Medicos yourself.

Many times a patient can say My family are helping.. my son/daughter/sister etc can help, visits alot, I have good neighbours & friends to help me.

I have had to do this.
I don't agree therefore I will not assist. I will not drive home. I will not be there for arrival home by taxi. I will not be offering daily assistance.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to Beatty
Report
Isthisrealyreal May 10, 2025
Beatty, been there, done that. So hard but so totally vital for the assistance required to become a reality.
(3)
Report
Its called an "unsafe discharge". He needs 24/7 care and there is no one to give it to him. You must work. Neither he or you have money to pay for that care. He won't give you POA. Your hands are tied.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report

Everyone here has given you great advice. I think we should be comfortable now that the hospital will keep him or send him to the nursing home. The nursing home needs those bank statements so they can qualify him for LTC Medicaid. If you can’t access them, they may have someone pursue emergency guardianship. Once the court grants guardianship, the guardian can access his accounts and funds to pay for his care and/or qualify for Medicaid. Stay strong and hang in there. I was once in your position and it worked out fine, although I was on my father’s bank accounts so I could access those records. This is why I always recommend that an elderly parent should add a responsible child to their accounts before they get infirm.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to mstrbill
Report
Isthisrealyreal May 12, 2025
Good to see you mstrbill!
(1)
Report
See 2 more replies
Yes he is still in the hospital. Yesterday they found a place for him and then today they needed bank statements etc and I do not have POA. The lady at the Care Facility said to not worry about the hospital calling elderly abondonmemt on me. I told her I don't know if I can get an attorney for POA. Etc. She mentioned they would keep him at hospital. I have called Lawyers and no one is available to June. He can't go back home because he can't take care of himself. He can't stay with anyone etc. I am at my wits end and I am scared. Dad just needs to be taken care of and no one can provide that for him family wise.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Tomson74
Report
Isthisrealyreal May 12, 2025
Tomson, you can tell the hospital that they or the facility need to get emergency guardianship.

There is no way for you to get POA, that ship has sailed with dad's mental capacity. He would need to assign you POA, and he obviously can no longer do that.

The beginning of change is scary but, he will be okay with a guardian and you can be his son and friend. Let the hospital or whomever applies for guardianship that you want to be able to speak with dad, visit when possible and get updates. They will do this for both of you.
(2)
Report
Sorry Dad is currently in the hospital. I am meeting a lawyer on Monday.
He can't stay with me because I am not home and work. He can't stay at home.
He won't give me POA. I am at a loss.
Suggestions,?
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Tomson74
Report
Isthisrealyreal May 10, 2025
I gave you suggestions.

Speak with the attorney about how to put a full stop to this nonsense.

Like I said, you have a half whit social worker at the hospital trying to make you responsible for your dad, so she/he doesn't have to do her job. Tell them under no ambiguous words that you are NOT able to safely care for your dad, period! End of discussion. Say this until they get it.

You are not responsible for your Dad!

No, it is a full sentence AND it doesn't require an explanation.
(9)
Report
See 1 more reply
Is Dad still in hospital? Any progress?
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Beatty
Report

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter