If my Dad has to go into a nursing home what will my Mom do?

This isn't an answer, just a complaint. In this great country of ours, we have no national standards for what happens to our loved ones in their old age. You can complain about what happens in these cases in other countries, but it would be helpful to see just how the elderly are treated by more progressive governments. I don't think anyone should have to figure out what to do in these situations. I see "A Place for Mom" mentioned by a realtor here on this page. Again, there is nothing for those who don't have the resources for expensive care. Social Security and Medicare are not enough. Form your own conclusions, but there are several countries I know about that have helpful and effective legal provisions and standards: France, Germany, Scotland, Canada, England, Denmark, Sweden. We are left alone and subject to those who only will help us for a profit. Criticize me and call me names, but please consider what is real and what is myth.

Klmar, when you speak to social workers, discharge planners etc etc be firm that your parents come as a package. They're a married couple, they won't be separated unless at your mother's express request. Do you have official advice from any sources?

47augie: I think either she is joking or she isn't 78 yet. If I tried to sleep on an air mattress it would take 2 people to get me up on my feet again : )

I am so sorry for your struggles. Previous answers have not for the most part addressed some of the issues. Let me try. I'm assuming the fire exacerbated your dad's Alzheimer's, with losing everything that is familiar. If the insurance is written like many policies, the assumption would be that the home would be replaced. In this case, just being paid for the house would be a better option. Then Dad could stay at the nursing home, and Mom could go to AL if she didn't want to go to the NH. Or she could move into a senior apartment if she can care for herself. This should give time to figure it out. If Dad is in the NH until the money is gone, and Mom moves in during that time, Medicaid will take over. Not what they planned, huh? I'm sorry.

Some suggestions, like Veterans Admin, if he qualifies, and other helps are out there. God bless you.

My spouse was placed in a nursing facility recently. A spend down had to be met for him, so half of all our financial assets had to be spent on his behalf. This did not include the house, though if we had two cars, one of them would have had to be sold. It didn't matter whose name was on the IRA's or other assets, like savings accounts and such, it was split down the middle. Our State allowed me to keep all of my spouse's social security payments to live off of, as the "Community Spouse". None had to be given toward the facility. I would imagine each State has it's own rules, so you might want to look into that. I hired a lawyer to do the paperwork with the State. It wasn't cheap by any means, but I think it was worth it in the long run and the lawyer's fee was written off as a portion of the spend down.

Thanks for all your comments. Dad had a mild heart attack this morning, , they are going to look for a blockage and transfer him to ICU. Dad has only been getting weaker and Iam really worried that he is to weak. Mom is holding up better than I expected but she's probably in shock and denial. Please say a prayer for my parents. You're never ready for this and seems to come to soon. I certainly pray this isn't the time but Dad is so weak and he doesn't have anywhere that's familial to home to call home, Its been too much too fast this past month and half. I don't want to lose my Dad and Iam afraid of how it will affect Mom. Iam 51 but right now I feel like a child. My wife and I are going to Memphis early in the moring, we're near Atl. Please pray that will recover and that we'll have some more time together

Also want to add; don't be hard on your brother who is "on the ground" so to speak. he's dealing with the day to day issues. Take time to catch up with the situation from his point of view; probably the most important think to start is to listen to what has been going on.

Kilmar, Our thoughts and prayers fo with you on the journey to Memphis. It will be a great comfort to your dad to have you there.
One thing I need to correct from my previous post is that Medicare now only covers 20 days in rehab not the 100 I stated

Dad has numerous blockages, some major. They placed a pump in hime with medicines that hopefully will clear the arteries. He may need a bypass. He is in ICU right now. Mom sounds well. They were both admitted tues, dad with a UTI and Mom with pneumonia but Dad continued to get weaker. They said that when Dad was asleep that his his blood pressure would drop very low. Im really afraid that Mom may give up on living without Dad, they have been married 53 years, Dad is her life. I don't want to be selfish and I don't want her to suffer but of course I would want her to want to live. I don't know if Im making any sense right now

Mom and Dad have felt tired for several years. Just tired of living. Dad started walking alot slower, losing interest in everything. Then they lost everything in a fire alittle over a month ago