Follow
Share

Our Dad gets very anxious when our Mom goes to the store or to watch her nephew who has Down syndrome bowl in Special Olympics on Saturday. He asks about her and when she will be back several times in the 2-3 hrs. that she’s away. He looks at his watch repeatedly. He doesn’t understand why she wants to watch bowling, especially since the alley is the place he had his last TIA and was taken to ER by ambulance from there. He says Mom doesn’t like him and doesn’t want him to go with her. He will tell us we don’t know what she’s like when we aren’t there. He says she’s different. It’s clear to us that she doesn’t love him, and appears like she is just done with him. He loves her so much. He asked me once if I knew if Mom had another guy. I was shocked and said no, she loves you. I said I would tell you if that was happening. Dad tells Mom he loves her all the time. She will not hug or kiss him. They sleep in separate beds and have since 1972. When Mom does come home from being away for 2-3 hrs. Dad is so happy to see her, but sometimes he’s so upset by then. He says I didn’t think you were ever coming home. Or you didn’t do what you said you were going to do. Or you’re never going to go do that again, this is going to stop! He will be so angry that he’s shaking. Mom never says anything to comfort or calm him. What can we do?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
I've found this old thread that may have some helpful comments

www.agingcare.com/questions/clinginess-with-dementia-normal-169706.htm
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Hello Sunnygirl1. I really appreciate your answer. I’m brand new to this site (I guess that’s what it’s called). I sent a message to cwillie If you would like to see that, then I won’t be repeating it twice. That’s a little more background on our care of Dad. At the present, my two brothers and my sister are each at our parents to help probably 3-7 days a week for maybe 2-3 hrs at a time, or to just visit or share a meal. I was going out 6 hrs each day for 3 days a wk, sometimes more until I had a concussion in Feb. I have been on disability for physical and mental problems since 2002. I had to give up my chiropractic practice at that time after working for 21 years. My specialist in infectious diseases and my PCP told me I cannot continue care for Dad. I knew I was just exhausted in every way, but I just love Dad so much. God has provided without me lol (imagine that?) Anyway, thank you for your wonderful suggestions. I will pursue conversation with my siblings and my Mom. I’ll have my brother call the Dr. about possible medication for anxiety, and will pursue respite care. I’m praying Mom will take the help. Thanks so much for listening! God bless you.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Your profile says that your father had dementia. Is there someone helping your mother care for your dad in the home? If not, I'd explore with her, the options to get help, because, it can be very stressful for caretakers. Your mom may be suffering from be burned out from caregiving. That can cause people to appear to not be as loving as they might normally be.

I'd also read a lot about behavior that comes along with dementia. Often the patient forgets answers they are given, so that they may be told their caretaker is returning home at 3:00 p.m., but, in 5 minutes, they forget that and ask again. It appears they are impatient, but, they have forgotten.

Also, dementia can make a person feel scared and confused. They aren't sure what is happening and may need a lot of reassurance and comforting that everything is okay. They also may worry a lot. My LO worried to the point that it put her into severe anxiety. She worried about where family members or friends were, were they hurt, sick, safe, etc. She was inconsolable. Her doctor prescribed medication that really helped her with that. It didn't make her drowsy either. I'd discuss your dad's symptoms with his doctor to see if he could benefit from medication.

If after everything your mom is not able to provide the comfort to your dad that you think is appropriate, I'd discuss it with her and other options for his care. She may just be too overexerted and have no strength left. Maybe, regular respite time for her to rest would help. I hope you and your family can find some answers.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Bumping this up....
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.