He has a problem with me eating. How I wrap my tampons and put them in the wastebasket? He says I stalk him but he is the one following me around? If I ask him he throws a fit? I can't talk to anyone on the phone because of the ranting. Anytime a delivery person from groceries Uber eats comes over they hear him ranting. Around six o clock every evening he starts screaming and ranting and telling me shut my crazy yelling ranting negative mouth and go in my room and stay there until I have a better attitude.
I can't stay in my office all day. I need to do things. He usually does it at night but This morning I just wanted to get my protein bar and energy drink and he stood in front of the kitchen area and wouldn't let me through because I don't have a joyful attitude and I need to smile more. The lady who picked him up asked him wtf was going on and he said it's all my fault.Is there anything I can do to stop this from happening? The cops say it's my responsibility to stop this from happening.
In the meantime, where can you go to get away from this chaos before your father beats you up or worse??
Good luck.
Second, whose house is this? If it's your house, once he gets to the hospital, refuse to let him come back. Tell them you can no longer care for him safely because of his threats and aggression. If they've gotten his behavior under control, tell them that he can't be trusted to stay on his medications himself and therefore it is not safe to send him back to your home.
If it's his house, move out. Tomorrow. Period. Pack tonight. He can't force you to stay. He is miserable around you, as he tells you every day. Since he thinks you are the problem, remove the problem by leaving. Of course, you AREN'T the problem, he is. But you should not stay to be a victim of his verbal abuse, which could escalate to physical abuse.
Protect yourself. Go out and have the kind of peaceful life that you deserve.
Please be aware that this could easily become physical abuse. In that case, you call the police the very first time he does it. You need to make long-term plans for another living situation for dad. He's beyond what is safe behavior for him and for you. Home care becomes unsustainable at a certain point, and you're there now.
I'm so sorry this is happening,
To be fair, you probably are exhibiting a negative attitude, and it shows on your face, which is only fueling his rage. How can you possibly have a joyful attitude when you are in such a stressful position?
Depending on what is wrong with your dad, it sounds like he could be "sundowning" which happens in the evening. People with dementia have a tendency to become particularly anxious at this time. I think several factors are responsible, such as being tired, being scared of nighttime and going to sleep, and just too much excitement or stimulation during the day which has overwhelmed them.
Things you can do:
- Try and keep his schedule (and yours) consistent daily. Any change in routine can cause anxiety in someone with dementia.
- Try asking his doctor about medication to calm his anxiety. If he will take it.
- Make sure to take breaks when you feel stressed. Go outside. Find a comfortable space where you can enjoy a moment of solitude. Spend that time reminding yourself that he has no control over his behavior (if that is the case), and find a way to respond to his actions with calm understanding. When you feel that calm leaving you, turn around and walk away. Even if just for 5 or 10 minutes.
- The key, really, is modeling a calm and positive attitude. He is responding to your attitude in like manner. You are both feeding off of one another's emotions until it escalates into angry yelling and ranting and accusations.
- Don't try and argue with him, or engage when he starts ranting. Simply turn around and walk away. Arguing is futile if his brain is not functioning properly.
Like I say, it really depends on your father's condition and why this is happening. Was he always like this? Does he have a diagnosis of dementia? How long has this been going on? Has he been tested for a UTI? UTI in elders can cause this type of behavior. It can be treated.