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He has a problem with me eating. How I wrap my tampons and put them in the wastebasket? He says I stalk him but he is the one following me around? If I ask him he throws a fit? I can't talk to anyone on the phone because of the ranting. Anytime a delivery person from groceries Uber eats comes over they hear him ranting. Around six o clock every evening he starts screaming and ranting and telling me shut my crazy yelling ranting negative mouth and go in my room and stay there until I have a better attitude.
I can't stay in my office all day. I need to do things. He usually does it at night but This morning I just wanted to get my protein bar and energy drink and he stood in front of the kitchen area and wouldn't let me through because I don't have a joyful attitude and I need to smile more. The lady who picked him up asked him wtf was going on and he said it's all my fault.Is there anything I can do to stop this from happening? The cops say it's my responsibility to stop this from happening.

You handle it better by moving out if you're living in his house or getting him out if he's living in yours. There are no other options for this dysfunctional situation.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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Why are you living with your father? You don’t like each other. Plan on moving out! If you need to share costs, move in with someone you get on with.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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Psych eval including testing for dementia if not already diagnosed. Time for meds and possibly for placement in a care home. My FIL became violent suddenly with dementia. They tried meds, but finally had to place him.
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Reply to JustAnon
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Call 911 next time dad melts down and tell EMS you think he's had a stroke because of his violent behaviors. Let the psych department evaluate the man for dementia and medicate him appropriately.

In the meantime, where can you go to get away from this chaos before your father beats you up or worse??

Good luck.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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First, your father needs medications to get his anger and aggressive behavior under control. This is far beyond just sundowning. Why is he looking at your tampons in the trash, for heaven's sake? This is threatening behavior, and it's escalating. The next time he starts, call 911 and tell them you need an AMBULANCE to take him to the hospital for a psychiatric evaluation.

Second, whose house is this? If it's your house, once he gets to the hospital, refuse to let him come back. Tell them you can no longer care for him safely because of his threats and aggression. If they've gotten his behavior under control, tell them that he can't be trusted to stay on his medications himself and therefore it is not safe to send him back to your home.

If it's his house, move out. Tomorrow. Period. Pack tonight. He can't force you to stay. He is miserable around you, as he tells you every day. Since he thinks you are the problem, remove the problem by leaving. Of course, you AREN'T the problem, he is. But you should not stay to be a victim of his verbal abuse, which could escalate to physical abuse.

Protect yourself. Go out and have the kind of peaceful life that you deserve.
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Reply to MG8522
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This is sundowning, a well-known symptom of dementia. You should discuss it with dad's doctor and ask for medications to help him. Keep some protein bars and energy drinks in your room for emergency rations. Make sure the lock on your door works.

Please be aware that this could easily become physical abuse. In that case, you call the police the very first time he does it. You need to make long-term plans for another living situation for dad. He's beyond what is safe behavior for him and for you. Home care becomes unsustainable at a certain point, and you're there now.

I'm so sorry this is happening,
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Reply to Fawnby
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This is hard to answer without more information. Such as, what is your dad's condition? Is he living in your house? Are you living in his house? Have you always lived with him? When did this behavior start?

To be fair, you probably are exhibiting a negative attitude, and it shows on your face, which is only fueling his rage. How can you possibly have a joyful attitude when you are in such a stressful position?

Depending on what is wrong with your dad, it sounds like he could be "sundowning" which happens in the evening. People with dementia have a tendency to become particularly anxious at this time. I think several factors are responsible, such as being tired, being scared of nighttime and going to sleep, and just too much excitement or stimulation during the day which has overwhelmed them.

Things you can do:
- Try and keep his schedule (and yours) consistent daily. Any change in routine can cause anxiety in someone with dementia.
- Try asking his doctor about medication to calm his anxiety. If he will take it.
- Make sure to take breaks when you feel stressed. Go outside. Find a comfortable space where you can enjoy a moment of solitude. Spend that time reminding yourself that he has no control over his behavior (if that is the case), and find a way to respond to his actions with calm understanding. When you feel that calm leaving you, turn around and walk away. Even if just for 5 or 10 minutes.
- The key, really, is modeling a calm and positive attitude. He is responding to your attitude in like manner. You are both feeding off of one another's emotions until it escalates into angry yelling and ranting and accusations.
- Don't try and argue with him, or engage when he starts ranting. Simply turn around and walk away. Arguing is futile if his brain is not functioning properly.

Like I say, it really depends on your father's condition and why this is happening. Was he always like this? Does he have a diagnosis of dementia? How long has this been going on? Has he been tested for a UTI? UTI in elders can cause this type of behavior. It can be treated.
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Reply to CaringWifeAZ
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lealonnie1 Jan 23, 2026
Sorry but the OP eating food or wrapping tampons in the trash is no cause for her father to get enraged. To suggest she is exhibiting a "negative attitude" sounds like victim blaming. She needs to get out of there asap before he beats her up!
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