Parents are in their 70's and dad keeps drinking and lying. Mom has health issues and all he does is put her down. What do I do?
My dad has drank all his life. (His father died of alcoholism/liver failure). Ever since he has retired years ago that's all he does drink from morning till evening. He is getting forgetful, falling..hurting himself when drunk. Among other things. My mom has been sick for a few months off and on with stomach issues, depression, knee problems. My sisters and I are trying to help the best we can. I am both their POA. He is not helpful. He criticizes my mom and constantly points out what she does wrong. (He does nothing wrong). Both of them have become VERY stubborn. Not taking showers/general hygiene not good. It's just like they have given up. Doctors have got us information on places that will/can help with elderly parents. And they won't let us inquire about it and if we do, they don't follow through with appointments etc. There is a ton more things but we'd be here for hours. Very frustrated. Any advice?
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My dad has had a major fall about a year ago and went to er. (Because of him drinking). Found he has a brain atrophy...caused from all the years of drinking. The dr said she would continue treating him if he would stop drinking. He did for a bit but went right back to it. My sisters and I have come to the realization that he has done this for years and will not stop.
My sister and brother-n-law are building a apartment/house for my parents (they live next to my parents now). The house my parents are in now is falling apart. We are hoping they can stay at home and not have to do assisted living/nursing home. But aren't opposed to looking into if need be.
I have met with an elder law attorney a few times. Basically my parents are considered competent at this stage. I would have to go to court and have them declared incompetent. I work at the courthouse in my county so I have access to things, which helps. The POA is I have is springing.
I have contacted Shawnee Health and had two appointments with them to come talk with my parents. But had to cancel because my mom said she wasn't going to talk with them. At first she was game to then she decided not too. She gets in moods. As of now, I'm doing the best I can. Taking her to dr. appt.s when I can; making sure she is taking her medicine. Still trying to work on her taking showers more. My sister's and I think a lot of this is my mom's depression. (She has a sister who went through/is going through this and is in a nursing home)...we are trying to avoid this.
Again, thanks for the advice. It feels good to get things off your chest and get another outside view.
Are the POA's standing or springing. Standing you can step in when you feel it appropriate, springing has to be some event that they are not able to make their own decisions. You would also be wise to meet with an elder law attorney.
If your parents have had a very dysfunctional relationship for decades, there is little you can do now to "fix" it. Dad is not likely to stop drinking and start being helpful to Mom, or to you. If she hasn't in all these years, Mom is not likely to start standing up for herself and insisting on changes.
It would be extremely helpful if Mom would get treatment for depression. But that would be a hard issue for you to force.
Unfortunately it may take a crisis for things to change. If Dad falls and injures himself and needs to go to an ER, that may be the catalyst to get some help for one or both of them.
Until then, love them, don't let your sense of guilt get the upper hand, do what small things they might let you do.