My dad is a single disabled man and has a married girlfriend 20 years younger than him. What can be done if he doesn't have a POA?

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His POA, Will, etc. and is listing her 100% beneficiary on all financial investments, bank accounts etc. She is spending 1000.00's of dollars on herself. He keeps saying he wants to assign me executor but I think she talks him out of it. I just want there to be money left for him to be able to take care of himself down the road, he is not in good shape right now and its going to get worse. Can't talk to him about it because he gets mad so we don't discuss it, he's 80 she's 58 and married to someone else. Just need some advice. Thanks

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I just moved to his state to take care of him he has had to rely on a wheelchair for 9 years and was doing ok taking care of himself until recently and started having a lot of falls because he can't walk so I'm here however long he needs me there was no one else to help
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97 yr old mom she lives with her husband she pops in here about 5-10 minutes after work and also calls every evening on her break at work
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Not wanting to imply dad or girlfriend or her husband or you have done anything wrong but why isn't the girlfriend taking care of him? I know you want to but where is she?
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fregflyer - no there is no will unless she had one made up while he was in rehab 9 years ago, she had him signing a stack of papers that I have no idea what they were and he difinetly doesn't know he was on heavy sediatives following several operations from car wreck, but he has already said he's going to have her take him to get one made up. Not really concerned about all that right now just his well being, she told me 9 years ago she's the beneficiary on the money and I have seen the paperwork stating that. thanks for your answer to my question I appreciate it.
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jeannegibbs that's my main concern his future expenses. yes the husband knows. No I don't care about who gets what I'm not that kind of person. I've watched her spending for years now. We discussed when the day came and he needed help he asked me to please not put him in a nursing home and asked if I would take care of him, and of course I will take care of him and no I wouldn't want or ask for pay for taking care of my dad. It'll all work out. Hopefully. Thank you everyone for your answers to my question I'm a worrier about the future
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I don't really think the affair is any of the adult kids' business. It would be different if some golddigger dropped into Dad's life when he started showing signs of dementia, but this is long-standing relationship. It also doesn't matter why the other husband is OK with this. Maybe he is gay the marriage is a sham. Maybe he doesn't believe in divorce and has been living with another woman for twenty years. Maybe he is nuts. I don't see how that matters.

Dad is doing what he wants to do, and he has been doing it for a long while in his "right mind." The how and why is nobody's business.

Alwayshelping, you mention beneficiary and executor. Both of these are about what happens after Dad dies. So that is a concern about what you will inherit. I suggest you focus you assistance on ensuring he has enough money while he is alive.
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Something I wondered is if the husband knows about the affair and is okay with it, is he somehow benefiting from the money. I smell a rat... or maybe two of them. I don't know many men who are willing to share their wives like this without some type of benefit coming from it.
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This affair is not due to his dementia -- and it has been going on 14 years! Competent adults are entitled to make their own decisions about such things, even very bad decisions that are against their best interests. The affair is his business, not yours.

You are right to be concerned about his finances, because you naturally want him to be able to take care of his needs into the future, and now that he has dementia he may need some help arranging that.

But don't worry about who the beneficiary is for anything. That has nothing to do with money while he is living.

I suggest you and Dad consult an attorney who specializes in Elder Law, to get his affairs in order to his best advantage. If he wants to continue to allow his companion to spend his money he should know what impact that might have on Medicaid if he should need that. A lawyer is an objective third party and may be listened to more seriously than to his adult child. If you intend to continue to be caregiver, a lawyer can also set up an agreement so that you can be paid for that service.
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alwayshelping, glad you are there to help. Keep after Dad with the questions. Let him get mad.

Use the "therapeutic fib" that the checks and credit cards have been compromised so you will need to take him to the bank to set up new accounts. Make an excuse that someone unrelated to him cannot be imprinted on the checks. Then call the credit card company [if you can find the credit card number, look for Statements] to say a credit card is missing, close out the old one and sent up a new account.

Does Dad have a current Will? If not, here's another therapeutic fib to use, tell him without a Will that the State could take half his money and estate.... it worked on my Dad and he had me set up an appointment with an Elder Law Attorney. Also, while at the Attorney, the Attorney will recommend doing a Power of Attorney, so since you are there, have your Dad name you.

If Dad wants to take his girlfriend to the attorney office, again use a therapeutic fib and say no one not related cannot sit in on the meeting.
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His primary Dr hasn't said he had dementia or was incompetent that came from an ER dr. I'm not one to start up a big heated fight about this with my dad, I'm here caring for him if things get worse I will definetly step in with authorities if that's what it takes. I'm shocked about all this I've had to come help and stay non stop for 6 weeks, he doesn't have a ton of money to my knowledge its something he has never discussed with me, I only knew about a little bit of it by snooping 9 years ago which I do not like to do. Thank you all for your advise its greatly appreciated. I did get brave about an hour ago and asked if she still had his cards, checks etc and he didn't like me even asking and said YES she does, I said well I didn't want someone coming along wiping your money out, he said it won't...so conversation ended he gets very mad if I ask questions, so I continue to take care of him until I definetly WILL step in.
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