My dad passed away from throat cancer in Feb, just 4 months ago. Me and my husband had to help financially his whole last year of life because he couldn't work. We moved to another state 5 years before, so we were doing this long distance. We were the only ones to visit and try and help ( 1 sister who only lives a couple hours away went TWO times during this time ), so I was already getting angry with my 4 sisters because they did nothing. One never even bothered to call for at least 8 months after he was diagnosed with cancer. Me and my husband had to pay for his cremation and funeral service ALONE because they had no Insurance. 1 sister didnt even bother to come to the funeral. It wasn't convenient for her.. My mom had to come live with us because she cant afford to live alone. ( of course nobody else offered or even cared )
Im angry all the time now. I already hated being 1300 miles from my home, now Im 1300 miles from home and my mom is stuck with me.
She dosent have an independent bone in her body, my dad took care of most things. She is 72 years old and perfectly healthy. She has no friends here and really no desire to have any. She has always been a kind of a cold person and often says things that hurt. Most of my sisters don't even call her, much less worry about her future.
I feel guilty because I HATE HATE HATE this situation. I feel like my whole life is ruined because I cant do anything now without having to worry about my mom. It feels like I have a toddler. Me and my husband never got to experience empty nest syndrome yet ( have 1 last kid living with us ) and now the realization that we COULD have 30 more years of having to take care of someone is hitting me HARD. This is not how I thought my life would turn out.
My mom doesn't drive so we cant leave her alone and go visit people in other states ( that's where all our friends and family, including 2 of our adult kids, live....in other states ), also we cant afford to pay her travel expense too and lord only knows the GUILT I feel if I try and do something without her now. Me and my husband have only went out alone 2 times since she moved in.
I feel GUILTY because this is my mother, but Im so resentful now that its eating my soul alive. Me and my husband have been married for more than 25 years always had a great marriage but Im scared for my marriage now. Im scared about all the responsibility that has been dropped on my lap .Im scared that I am all alone in this with no help from my sisters. Im scared that I cant possibly do this for YEARS because its only been a couple of months and its only going to get harder as she ages more, and gets nastier. I have laid in bed and actually thought I would rather be dead than stuck like this.
I need HELP !! this anger and resentment that is building up inside me and affecting EVERY aspect of my life is scaring the hell out of me. I feel like it is eating me alive and Im about to disappear...