So let me give you a bit of a back story, it all started in January when we were moving house, he thought it was a chest infection and got prescription to deal with it. I thought he was bad then, breathing heavy and not doing tasks in the house move, where 5 months ago it would of been easy. At this time my mum came back from where she was living (they just separated) to help us with the move and so did my brother.
We move into our new house and now its just me (a 21 year old) and my dad (62 years old). 2 months into moving into our new house, I caught him smoking. Even though he apparently stopped years ago due to having a heart attack and other heart problems. From my knowledge he's stopped now since I confronted him.
4 months down the line and I just feel absolutely terrified, upset, tired and angry. He is getting worse literally day by day. Not only has my mum moved to another country but my sister doesn't want anything to do with my dad, imo her reasoning is just warped due to her going through a depressive stage of her life (I wont go into detail in this). Which I feel will have an affect on my dad too; also me.
My dad doesn't really go into much detail about his COPD and I've asked to go to the doctors with him so I can have a better understanding on what he's going through and how I can help him, but he doesn't want me to go. My dad is a very closed person and can't do emotions or conversations... at all... With family
I've looked up what I can do to help him, we bought a treadmill but he hasn't gone on it. He doesn't diet, and doesn't really eat (whole foods) more just snacks. I've tried getting him to diet. He has said to me "Doctors tell you to do this and that to live an extra 10 years (this being in your late 70's/early 80's... not your 60's) but those are the worse years of your life, why would you want to?". Now that's not what his 21 year old son wants to hear from his dad whose health is rapidly going down hill. Also it shows signs that he's really depressed,he doesn't have a 5 year goal, he just sleeps all day, no motivation to do anything, he use to go to the casino 5 times a week and its rare he goes now. But he's in denial about being remotely depressed, he won't even go to someone to talk about it as he thinks psychiatrists are frauds.
Where this is very capable to look after my dad at the moment, doing tasks, which aren't hard but are just so frequent and I know they will get more intense. I don't know how i'm going to cope when i go back to university in September, I'm going to be spending so much time there , dealing with a society and day to day life at uni. Even when i'm at home i'll be doing a lot of work for uni. I've also got a job lined up that i'm starting in July and other commitments, I don't know how i'm going to handle all this and look after my dad.
To try and express the extent of how bad my dad is now, he walked to our garage which is like 20 steps away from the house and went to look in some draws for some paper work. it took him about an hour and a half (it would take someone who is healthy bare maximum 10 minutes) and when he came back into the house he was beyond f*cked.
I've talked to someone about this and he said that i'm becoming a Co-dependent, as i'm doing literally everything for him. I'm so confused as to what to do, i don't want to resent my dad but i can't leave him the way he is. I'm just so angry that he let himself get like this, he's had so many opportunities, to stop smoking, to get healthy, to do a little bit of exercise, the fact that his mum died from pneumonia -which is part of the COPD umbrella term- and didn't set him straight is unreal to me. I'm tired all the time, just seeing him like this is horrible and i can't imagine what he's going through, the tasks add up and i become fatigued from all of it. I'm worried to leave him for a long time because he's not even capable to wash his own plate without it becoming a task for him.
Sorry this is so long, has anyone or is anyone going through a similar situation that can help me cope with this, is there anything I should do for myself to make me mental and physically cope with this ? anything more/less I can do to help my dad out in this difficult time?