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His adjustment has not been great and he was moved from the house he lived in for 57 years to assisted living. He keeps asking about going home but in the past week seems more disoriented and thinks he is at a seminary. No one can say whether or not it is a good idea to take him out to my house (daughter) for a quiet Thanksgiving dinner with his granddaughter and wife. The dilemma is getting him back to his residence . Your thoughts please?

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I agree. I think it would be better for you to have Thanksgiving with him.

You can make a different, but still special, dinner at your own home if you think the granddaughter will be terribly disappointed in not having a home Thanksgiving celebration. However, it seems to me that your father's disorientation will be exacerbated by taking him to your home for Thanksgiving. He may ask to go home repeatedly, but that "home" is generally not the one you now live in. It may not even be a place. It may be the seminary he talks about or simply the feeling of safety. Having you with him for Thanksgiving dinner will give him that feeling as much as anything.

Some people with dementia do very well going out. Much depends on the person and much depends on the stage of dementia. From what you've said, in my opinion you'll all do better if you go to him.

Good luck and take care - none of this is easy,
Carol
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I would plan to have dinner with your dad at the facility especially if he has become more disoriented. You are right, that you could probably get him home easily enough, but getting him to go back is another matter entirely.

My mom has been in her house for 50 years and eventually she may need a facility. Beginning last year I started preparing Thanksgiving dinner here, much to sibling's, that wants to host, chagrin. But this is not about taking mom out to a gathering in a place that is unfamiliar with people she no longer recognizes. It is completely about what is best for mom which also makes it best for caregivers in reduced stress upon returning home.
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The advice I received from the memory care facily I had my Mom in ---be willing to play it by ear and to adjust schedules according to the behavior that day. Having a small group at home is essential. What time is the facility serving dinner? (Typically it's noon time). Can you prepare for a later dinner at home and check in the morning to see how Dad is doing? If he is having a good day, pick him up as close to meal time as possible. Plan on him being with you for a short amount of time. Some folks at my Mom's place were taken out and beggged to go home (facility) within a half hour. My Mom did all right, but I had her back in the ALF in under 3 hours. Let me point out though, my Mom was quite docile and I had taken her on outings separate from the holiday. I agree with Carol, the home they are seeking is not the one you may imagine. In my Mom's earliest stages she was looking to go home --- even as she sat in the home she had lived in for the past 7 years! In hindsight, I think she was talking about her childhood home. Good luck.
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And my mom at times wants to go home and she is in her home of 50 years, doesn't recognize it any longer. Sometimes she is surprised that her bedroom is on the main floor and not upstairs, this is a ranch style home. She at those times is remembering her childhood home where her bedroom was upstairs.
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Seminarians get to go visit their families sometimes, so why not?
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I think that planning to join Dad at the facility for the Thanksgiving meal makes the most sense.
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