social event. even though she will tell you she would love to attend when you go to pick her up she will be in bed and dad saying she has a sore throat and cant go anywhere. she has recently seen her dr. and has a clean bill of physical health. How can we keep him from convincing her she is sick. they live in an apartment and have been married for 60+ years.Mom enjoys her self tremendously when she is out. Help

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it could be youre dad just wants to protect her and keeping her at home makes him feel she is safe...however the doctor states she is well, with youre dad continuing to tell her she is sick is so wrong, with him being so possessive she will lose her self-esteem, being housebound will make her ill, and very depressed. is it possible the family can turn up at the door 1 night, saying to youre dad you understand why mum can no longer go out to parties so you have decided they both need to enjoy themselves, just go along with him. take some food and music they both enjoy, have a sing- song with both of them, it could be that youre dad will see a difference in her, when he sees youre mum enjoying herself, it could help him too, he will see that she is not as ill as he thought she would be, he may then accept it. as they have been married 60yrs it could be he sees her in a different light, and is not able to accept it, he obviously has it in his head that youre mum is ill. but surprise them 1 night just go and surprise him, tell him he needs a break, just let him see that youre mum is not as ill as he thinks, it is him that needs convincing not youre mum, good luck.
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Oh wow! This is Not Good.

Do you have any idea why your father is doing this? What has their relationship been over these 60 years?

Is he being deliberately abusive?

Does he tend to be controlling? Has he always made the decisions?

Does he honestly think this is best for his wife?

Is he embarrassed to have her behavior seen in public?

If you can figure out where this behavior is coming from, perhaps that will be a clue about how to stop it. For example, if he thinks this is good for her, perhaps having the doctor or a social worker explain the effects of isolation would help. If he is embarrassed, maybe getting a pastor or priest (if they have one) to reassure him would help. Maybe a good friend or someone he respects (a golf buddy, his banker, whomever) could be useful.

The time may come when Mother really won't be able to function at and enjoy social activities. I hope you can find a gentle way to get Dad to change his approach so she can enjoy herself as long as she can.
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They are working as a team and he is running interference for her. She may be reaching the fearful stage, so she chickens out and he helps make an excuse for her. At this point large social gatherings become overwhelming, but a quiet lunch for two is something she can handle. Mom recently entered this phase. She attended her great-granddaughter's birthday party. Lots of happy small children running around, laughing and playing. Mom had to be put to bed in a quiet room, it really knocked her for a loop. Be aware of the progressing nature of Alzheimer's and notch back on the activities just a bit.
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