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We are struggling as a family trying to find the best ways to handle this situation. My dad can't hold his bowels and bladder in and ends up leaving stuff in the hallway and bathroom. Even if he does manage to hold it in, he wets the entire toilet and surroundings.


We have bought extra towels for him to clean up after himself, slippers and floor mats so he doesn't drag the pee to the entire house, tells him to sit on the toilet to pee instead, nothing works.


We don't want to nag or make him feel unwanted. We recognise that he feels embarrassed and hides it with excuses. He's also showing signs of Alzheimers but he refuses to get it checked. What should we do? We're desperate.

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Pinqpixie, thank you for the update. My heartfelt sympathy to you and your family for your Dad's passing.
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My dad passed away less than 2 months after I wrote this post.
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For goodness sake, get the man some disposable underwear, having to wear them is not nearly so embarrassing as leaving trails behind. If you haven't checked the incontinence aisle at the drugstore lately you may be surprised to see how discrete and comfortable the newer styles are!
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Short term get a bedside commode so he has easy access to get to it in a hurry. Also try to take him to the commode or bathroom every hour or so, research toilet training.
Have him evaluated by his PCP for an infection or some other physiological malfunction. Check his skin often for skin breakdown and use a barrier cream to his buttock and inner thighs to prevent to prevent skin breakdown.
Good luck to you.
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Toileting issues are rather common with people who have Alheimers or dementia. You say that he's showing signs, but refuses to get checked. I think that I would accompany him under the guise of some other issue, like check up, medication refill, etc. Something that he doesn't mind going for. Provide the doctor a written memo in advance so he knows what's going on. He can take it from there. I'd also ask what else it could be? Have him checked for a UTI or some other infection.

If he turns out to be AD or dementia, then, I'd look into how to deal with incontinence. It's obvious that he's not able to manage on his own. Whoever is going to be his caretaker will need to learn how to supervise his bathroom visits and supervise him at all times. There comes a time, when it's not so much about embarrassing someone. It's a larger thing and it can be dealt with in a courteous and respectful way. Just asking him to do better, won't likely help, since if he could, he would.
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