Dad can hardly walk without holding onto something and he wants to go hunting. How do I tell him no?

If your dad has mobility issues what are you doing about them? Ask his doctor to order PT and OT for him. Get him in shape before hunting season. If he can't do exercise to get stronger how can he go hunting? You don't have to tell him no. Let the dr tell him or his own fragility. He needs to be strong enough to drive x number of hours a day. He needs to be able to walk x number of minutes over possibly rough terrain. He needs to be able to carry his supplies. He needs to be able to put his own boots on. He needs to get in shape. He shouldn't wait until it's time to go and cause everyone else to have to wait on him. How manly is that?
I would think of every physically challenging aspect of the trip and have him get prepared for it. Then you don't have to worry about him falling in the woods and you can enjoy the time he is gone. Use the hunting trip as the incentive he needs to keep fit and keep busy. Pull all his gear out and weigh it. If the therapist comes to your home they can more readily see what the trip entails and his current living environment. Medicare will pay for the therapy. Tell his doctor that he's surfing the furniture and having mobility issues, possibly his balance is off and he needs to be assessed by a therapist. Tell your dad you will help him order his license as soon as he gets started on the therapy. Maybe he should take the SIL with him on the trip? Win win.

After all this time, not much progress has been made at all with SIL and D. I remember deadlines that were supposed to happen months ago now where they were supposed to move (or have a plan to move). Nothing.

As far as the father and the hunting trip? Don't give him $ and don't enable him in any way. I don't see tgengine hauling his father to the doctor to get therapies that the father probably won't even cooperate with (right?) as worth tgengine's time and trouble.

But I guess what will happen is that tgengine will drive his father to the camp, give him $, or whatever the father wants. The more time that elapses, the more that things stay the same.

Really, I don't need cold water in my face or a swift kick. If you don't like what I post then move along and don't read if I have not taken your advice. Really, I do read all the posts. I have taken advice. If by your reasons I haven't taken your advice in the short time I have been or long per your standards then move along. I have tried to set boundaries, say no. But to some I have not done what is expected of me. Really I didn't know there were expectations here. I come here to learn and vent not to be judged, trust me I have enough already here. If by your standards I am not up to snuff then please by all means dont read what I post, I will not be offended. I am new to this game of caring for an adult. Along the way came some other issues. Many times I have deleted my link to this account only to come back to read then I get a couple that decide to pile on. Really? Not what I need right now. Maybe it is time for me to sit back and read and not post. I appreciate those who are in similar conditions. I look for camaraderie not to have social media guilt. A little tough? Yes maybe but that is my feeling right now. Thank you to those who understand. Your positive remarks bode well. I have enough negative in my life right now.

TG, I know you're overwhelmed but you need to do an exercise. Come up with a plan for what you'd do if Mrs. TG becomes ill and needs your attention and less house chores and calm. Come up with a full game plan. Then take a look at all the steps and start implementing them. Please be proactive in protecting her health rather than be in reaction mode when she becomes ill again. If DD and SIL are in their own apartment, you'll be better able to manage the situation with your dad.

" If you don't like what I post then move along and don't read if I have not taken your advice. Really, I do read all the posts. I have taken advice. If by your reasons I haven't taken your advice in the short time I have been or long per your standards then move along."

If only you could talk this forcefully to your son-in-law!

tg, everyone on this forum is rooting for you. What I failed to remember is that in your case it is extremely difficult for you to make any sort of change. I know you mostly left a few months back (except for some posts in the dysfunctional families area) because someone referenced some of your old posts and pointed out that things were the same as quite a while before. You didn't like that being pointed out.

When I was a telephone crisis counselor many years ago, there was a type of caller that was characterized as "poor me, ain't it awful, yes but..." I should have recognized you in that description. I am not one to offer constant "tea and sympathy," but rather like to point out the obvious. Yes, I can be rather brusque.

Since I now know that you really don't want advice from people, I will no longer respond to your posts. All the best to you and your wife, and I hope you can find some peace in your situation.

Thanks, it is easy to armchair quarterback. We all seem to be in the place where we are givers not takers. It seems I am in the place of a giver. As far as dad, I have tried 7 ways from Sunday to talk, fix, encourage but to no avail. To those who say "move him out" that is not applicable. Would you throw your mother out on the street? No, I didn't think so. It is easy to say "tell this person this or that". It is another thing when they live with you. Sure I can tell my daughter to move out and be done. I will be a lonely old man some day. I am trying to move things along the best way I know how and using the things I learn here. They may not be right. When someone has the ultimate answer that fits all let me know.
As far as dad I have no choice, he is here. Siblings do not talk to me, family has pretty much shunned me due to what ever he tells them. I try to talk to him, ask him but he continues to do what he wants. Sure I have said I have no money, then he gets overages and then I have to cover. Sure I can let him go but someday it will be MY problem.
Trying to help my daughter along. Outside of saying "get out, get a place I have no idea what to do". Trust me, we have been talking and coming up with ways to help but He is a loser and she is my daughter. If I leave it up to him they will be in a sh*t hole like their first year of marriage. He would be happy and her miserable. Until she sees the light not much I can do. We try to help with getting them direction, giving them the right people to talk to so they can get a place. We have found places for them. So again outside of giving my daughter whom I love the boot not sure what to do. He is worthless so I would kick him out in a second but I have to intend her.
I have tried everything with dad, talking about cleaning the floor, leaving cleaning supplies in the bathroom for him to clean up after he pees on the floor. Tough love doesn't work like some wold say. I need to learn to use tools to help them all understand. Doing reading, research on how to deal with this all. Just plain saying it to their face doesn't work, for some reason they dont hear me,. its like talking to the dogs... get the same dumba** look...

tgengine.
You are not going to like what I have to say so stop reading here.

I suggest your head all your posts in capitol letters: I AM JUST HERE TO VENT. DO NOT SUGGEST SOLUTIONS AS I WILL JUST CONTINUE WHAT I AM AND HAVE BEEN DOING FOR YEARS.

It seems to me obvious you cannot or will not act on the help you have been offered. It sounds to me that you are just here to express the old "woe is me, I'm so alone and misunderstood!"

Nothing is going to change until and unless YOU make up your mind. That being said you need professional help which you seem not to be prepared to undertake.

Like most of the people who want to be of some help I empathize with your situation and would offer the same suggestions as the others but you, apparently it seems to me, do not really want to overcome your problems.

"I need to learn to use tools to help them all understand. Doing reading, research on how to deal with this all. Just plain saying it to their face doesn't work, for some reason they dont hear me,. its like talking to the dogs... get the same dumba** look... " Of course they "don't hear", why should they, they have heard it so many times they know it means nothing, nothing is going to change.

To me you are beginning to sound like you're trolling. Get real, get off your duff or let everyone know for sure you are not going to change.

I'm going to jump in to defend TG because I know he won't defend himself. TG has a long history on AgingCare and has never been anything but polite, despite being dressed down by people who aren't satisfied that he is moving fast enough in resolving his issues. If you can't let the man vent then just move along, nobody is forcing you to read his comments.

I agree. Venting itself is therapeutic, isn't that at least half the point?

Venting yes, crying no.

...it's like what GardenArtist said 10 days ago...fighting a whirlpool etc...

TG, vent away! I think you've made MUCH progress, because you are no longer saying and thinking "I just need to be nicer to everyone".

You have a very tough situation; I wish you much luck with your family.

I support your right to vent. I know at some point you'll find either a solution or peace with your situation. Stay on here because there's a lot to learn.

Wow! Pile on people! Thank you to those who support venting. Really, how else does one get (constructive) advice unless one vents. Funny, some of these pile on people have not posted before. So go ahead, if it makes you feel better to trounce on someone go right ahead. I take no offense to it. It just tells me more of who you are and I feel bad for you if that is the way you support others in this situation. I thank those who provide good advice. Do you know my situation? What is going on in my life? I think not. So before you pile "tough love" on to someone think twice how it may affect someone who does not have the thick skin I have. If you start your post with "you wont like this" You are right and I move on. I have no time for people like you. Yours are only words on a page that I choose to ignore. The mere fact that I do come to solicit advice is that I am in an area I have never been before and I look for positive solutions. So if your is to tear down and denigrate then go right ahead. It will only fill your mind with the thoughts that do not help. I actually chuckle at your posts..... I will continue to support those who look for solutions and ignore the haters......... hate away people, it gives me something to ponder how bad you feel inside...... So lets call this thread done.... Thank you to all who have given positive advice.... the rest of you....... fill in the blank space.... Have a nice day.