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An heir (sibling ), who is ill, but has a net worth of about $500k, is asking for "advance on his inheritance", whuch accountant informs me is not a normal or legal request. Dad, 93, feels sorry, sentimental and "wants to help". I have committed to taking care of Dad when the time cones, and don't know what those costs will be.
Sibling was asked to start monetizing their assests, but seems to be in denial and and he & spouse say they will do so over a 4 yr time horizon. The illness is a serious one. The couple have lived beyond their means for years, but still managed to acquire a decent amt of assets, but carry debt.
Dad agreed earlier that any transfers would be for medical only, if required. Now he wants to gift, not just to sib, but others.
I've told him keg a lly this puts me in a different position. My concern is his impulsive behavior the last few years in financial matters. He gave me POA 2 yrs ago as he wanted help w/ biz matters, but he us still very cognizant of issues, but has some short terms memory issues.
Complicating factor, we both agree this sib is acting to satisfy his spouse but both seem to feel entitled to an inheritance, on assets that belong to Dad.

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Let me add this. My mother's former helper went with my step-dad to visit mom in the nursing home very often. One day she talked mom into loaning her $40,000 to buy a car. She had left a written contract for me in her room. She hoped that I would authorize the loan. ()*&$#@ NO! My step-brother and I let her know in no uncertain terms that was not going to get a loan from my mother whose dementia was rather bad by that point. I said all that to say this, your dad is confused, stop the cash flow as his POA for his protection! Sometimes you just have to take the authority of being the POA and let people know that you are the POA and for them to back off.
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Sendmetohelp, I agree w/ the spirit of your comments, as the accountant is adamant I can be held accountable for giving Dad's funds away, except for dire documented need, and that I should avoid this topic with him. Have alsoin writing told couple they cannot go to Him on this topic. Offered a medical fund, subject to lien, as a solution. We'll see what developes. Thx
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This is not my idea, and you have said there are some memory issues with Dad.
That said, can you tell Dad a white lie that you did as he suggested with the money-that you took care of it-he will feel comforted-forget-then when Dad talks to you again-ask him, 'what, are they asking for even more money?'

Sorry to even suggest this, but it may work for some people. I could not maintain the lie, so it wouldn't work for me. If dementia or alzheimers is the problem, then this might help your Dad feel more comfortable.

However, what you have described sounds more like a sibling problem coming from brother. If you cannot say NO, teach Dad to explain that all the money is in the accountant's control, you say the same to brother-add that he should stop asking and upsetting Dad. Try sounding offended that they should have even asked, and while you are sympathetic to their needs, this is just not possible.

Guessing that to protect Dad's assets, (you are in a tough position) you may have to act tough, and push back a little-willing to risk distancing the relationship from those asking for money.

When wolves are trying to knock the house down, are you going to open the door?
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No, panstegma, that is not what he's thinking at all, he's feeling sentimental about my brother's illness, may be even unwarranted guilt. Dad plans on not going to home as I b saud I would be there for him when he needs care, but I need his funds for that day.
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Mom thought she could give everything away and then go into a nursing home on Medicaid. If this is what Dad thinks, he needs a Conservator ASAP.
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Freflyer, thanks for your comments. There are mortgages but they're small relative to value of properties. Am dealing w/ unreasonable requests which is upsetting Dad and me. Legally they are wrong, but emotionally, trying to manipulate the situation. I blame SIL, but brother unable to stand his ground, has accepted her sense of entitlement and values. I've always overlooked a lot to keep good relations w/ brother, but this is too much to overlook. They are circumventing my POA by discussing this w/ Dad. Reading these pages, it seems this is what happens in so many families, and I didn't expect to face this.
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Then the only answer is "I cannot possibly do that".
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Sendme2help, this leaves me short of funds to care for Dad, while others, who have assets, add more assets, for their heirs. I must account for how Dad's funds are spent, and unless sib shows dire need, Dad's funds work to perpetuate a life style: 3 houses, 3 cars+recreational vehicles. There is debt but there's a lot more equity than debt. This is more a case of want than need, I'm sorry to say.
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In order to 'protect' some of Dad's assets, with you in control, has anyone ever thought outside of the box-whatever 'loan' or 'advance' on inheritance for one needy sibling must be also extended to the other siblings, equally.
Then, Dad is divested of all monies to give away or loan out-there's no more money to borrow! Except, no one knows you didn't spend your portion and have saved it for Dad's care?
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Tamar2, you mentioned "one of their properties", I assume the current market value of the houses are part of the $500k in assets. If yes, time for them to sell one of those homes to use to pay off medical expenses, that is if there is any equity. If the houses are investment properties with tenants, better to keep the tenant with a cash flow. If the house is a summer get-away, sell it.

Note that even if your Dad places a lien on one of the properties, the mortgage company is standing in front of the line to get what is owed to them, with Dad standing in second. If the houses are mortgaged to the hilt, then there won't be any money to pay off Dad's loan.
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Just my opinon here but if he needs to borrow money with 500k in assets, he is probably in financial trouble and may not be able to pay it back.
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Thanks all for your comments. Disclosure has been an issue and professional advice has been offered to them but it seems they want cash w/o giving accountability. A lon document would work I believe to protect me from being accused of giving Dad's money away w/o proper accountability, then place a lien on one of their properties to secure the loan. Dad has more than they do, but, as some pointed out, I have no idea how much he will need or for how long, as he is above average in his physical condition. We can set up a medical only fund, for sib, if he will accept that. I agree w/ those who say as long as he's here, his assets belong to him, not to any heirs. Thx again for your comments and suggestions.
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A documented loan is a good idea, but there should be a security agreement defining collateral and options if the brother doesn't repay the loan. Another thought is to require the loan be paid to your father or his estate, in the event that he needs the money while he's still alive.

And give careful consideration to what steps you would be willing to take if he defaults. You could and have the right to ask for collateral such as financial instruments pledged as security, which you could hold on behalf of your father until the loan is repaid.

Good suggestion, Willie.
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If their problem is that they can not liquidate their assets fast enough and need cash perhaps your father can help them out by providing a properly executed loan rather than a gift. A loan would be payable to the estate before any assets are distributed, thereby protecting other beneficiaries. If he needs the money for his own care before then there will be a mechanism in place to recover his assets, and everyone involved will have a clear understanding of that.
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1. Your father may very well be responding (and being manipulated) into the position of helping because that’s just part of his nature, as it is with many older people.

This is just my opinion, based on anecdotal evidence, but I believe that people who were helpers in earlier years are the ones who are most receptive not only to family pressure for funds but to the ploys and cons of so-called charities, of HSN and of others with long arms and big hands searching for elder funds.

2. When aging limits or takes away the ability to help physically, there may still remain the ability to help financially. So think of ways that your father can help, but not financially. And make these ways that will force your brother to reveal what assets he has, now, not in 4 years, so that it becomes apparent he really doesn’t need the money, perhaps b/c he wants to hold onto his own assets.

3. One way to help is to suggest a review of your brother's financial situation by you and your father (your brother will probably react strongly and negatively to this.)

As you already have, be firm on the issue of providing you with a breakdown of brother's assets, income and expenditures, and if you want to be really firm, advise that you and your father will review it to see where they can fit into the very large $500K assets the cost of brother’s medical expenditures so that he can manage his own portfolio and his own medical expenses.

4. Ask brother to provide you with information on what insurance coverage he has and suggest that you and your father can review it to determine what else he needs to be covered.

My guess is the requests, firmly and repeatedly stated if necessary, will cause brother to be less aggressive in asking for funds, as he probably doesn't want to reveal that much personal financial information.

5. I wouldn’t even raise with your father the issue that brother’s requests and gifts to others might affect your decision to care for your father later in life. If he’s forced to consider that you won’t be around, he’ll gravitate more toward your brother and be more receptive to your brother’s conniving.

But do emphasize that in order to care for your father, you need to know that HIS assets will be available for HIM. No questions here; that’s the way it has to be.
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The sib has a net worth of $500K! That is a lot of money. They need to manage it better and not ask your dad for money.
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It's wonderful that Dad want to help your brother and others, but Dad need to look into the future for his own well being. Getting older is no picnic, and one fall could change everything.

Dad might not realize how expensive it can be to have caregivers in his home, that he needs to hang onto his money for such cost. My Dad had 24-hour caregivers which cost him $20k per month, yes per month. Therefore, if one had such caregivers over a 3 year time, that would be $720,000 not counting for misc items that would be needed. I had no idea of the cost, neither did my Dad. Time to chat with Dad about that while he is still of clear thinking. Like I said, Dad might not know that.

If Dad is not super wealthy but finds himself without the required funds, then he would need to apply for Medicaid which would help him pay for continuing care facility. But, Medicaid will look back 5 years to see if your Dad had "gifted" any money. Oops, those money gifts that Dad wants to hand out might come back to bite him. Better for him to leave such "gifts" in his Will as a percentage.
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You don't really say what your dad's financial position is. Is his estate large enough that in all likelihood he can manage to take care of his own needs even with his "gifting"? If not or even maybe, then the answer is a clear "no". Sibling (and other heirs) get nothing from the estate until dad's needs are satisfied and he no longer needs care (i.e. he passes away).

If he could manage some asset distribution, then I'd make it only for medical necessity and you pay the medical bills directly and not give them to sibling (and spouse) to pay for non-necessities, if you can legally do that. That's what I'd do if it was me.
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